I looked up from cooking in the kitchen and caught a glimpse of something that made my heart swell with an unfamiliar joy. What was I feeling? A thrill? A wave of delight? It happened a few more times that day as I gazed across my home to see the view past the dining room, past the sitting room, and through the large front window to the porch. This strange sensation reminded me of Is 60:5 (NIV), “Then you will look and be radiant, your heart will throb and swell with joy…”
What was causing this unexpected joy? I could see four hanging baskets overflowing with pink and yellow flowers on my porch. MY PORCH!! I had dreamed of having hanging baskets for as long as we had had a porch. Every spring I thought, “This might just be the year!” Then every spring reality hit. Food was more important that hanging baskets, which at their cheapest were $20 a pop. Yet now I was beholding them in all their horticultural glory, and they made me so happy!
It seemed rather silly to get so excited about plants. I had just seen them at Sharp Shopper, a little past their prime and disheveled. I got the lot of them for $24. Once we hung them up outside, they had bloomed all over again. It almost felt like a miracle.
Then I remembered something I had written in my journal last year. I looked it up and found an entry from 2/2/18. I had been feeling horrible for about a month and a half with my pregnancy. It had been just long enough to convince me that I would always feel this way and would never enjoy life again. I would sit on the sofa trying to be still, taking peaceful cleansing breaths to keep the nausea away. I found that it helped to close my eyes and picture things that made me happy. I pictured Chris and me on a Baby-moon to Cape May, sun on our faces, and sand in our toes.
I also pictured our front yard, landscaped and beautiful. There would be a raised bed in front of the porch where I could plant veggies and herbs. There would be planters overflowing with flowers on the concrete blocks next to the steps up to the porch. More planters would grace either side of our lovely front door. Most importantly there would be hanging baskets all around the porch. Just thinking of springtime and the beauty and aroma of flowers made me feel better. In fact, I drew a picture of it in my journal and wrote, “Flowers are a sign of prosperity to me, to have the extra time and money to have flowers.” I didn’t expect to see this dream realized for a few years yet. But it helped me to imagine.
That is why I felt my heart thrill and rejoice when I saw those flowers hanging outside. It was a desired fulfilled, a dream realized, a sign of God’s faithfulness to bring prosperity into my life before I thought that He would.
After coming out of a season of disappointment, over and over again disappointment, the thrill that went through my heart felt foreign. I almost wanted to dismiss it as unimportant. No need to get crazy and all bent out of shape over flowers! I didn’t want to rush in and think that all my desires would be fulfilled. I didn’t want to really start to dream very much again.
Thankfully God showed me scriptures that allowed me to savor this joy, rather than toss it aside. One had been up on my mirror for months.
Ps 103:5 “…who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s.”
Others He gave me in the next week.
Pr. 13:12 Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a desired fulfilled is a tree of life.
Pr. 13:19 A desire realized is sweet to the soul…
I sat down and wrote down all my desires that had been fulfilled lately. I came up with 14 of them. Things I had been thinking about, researching, longing for, and praying for.
FOURTEEN OF MY DESIRES HAD BEEN FULFILLED!
Just to look at them all in a list lifted my spirit and caused me to praise God. I was no longer in a season of disappointment.
I was in a season of desires and promises being fulfilled.
Yet I almost MISSED IT! I was so used to being disappointed that it was easy to continue to be. If I thought of all the challenges that lay ahead, all the prayers that had not yet been answered, I would feel like a victim. If I thought of my dream journal sitting up in my closet for over 4 years, untouched because I didn’t want to open old wounds, I felt tired and washed out. Dreaming like that was for the young who have extra time and energy to invest in their dreams. I need to just be happy with my lot and make it through the day.
NO WAIT! God said that He is satisfying my desires so that my youth is being renewed!
I am not a victim!
I am not in a season of disappointment!
I can look at my world with eyes wide open. When I see the flowers overflowing – I can let my heart thrill!
When I see the butterflies and the hummingbirds flock to the beauty – I can be radiant!
I know that God cares about what we care about. I know that He loves beauty. I know He delights to see His children rejoice because they have received their heart’s desire. I love it when I can give my children a gift that awakens wonder and excitement in them. How much more does God feel that way?
If we delight ourselves in the Lord, He WILL give us the desires of our hearts. He is doing it right now, every day. Let’s open our eyes and notice it. Let’s make a big fuss over it! Let’s put a smile on our Father’s face when we realize how very good He is!