Birth Story: Part 7 – Let Your Heart Take Courage!

October 5, 2014 / Anne (Grace is my Superhero) / 2 Comments

In 2011 Chris began to ask God to give us a business. I also began to pray that in the right time, God would give us another sweet baby! In October of 2011, we were able to purchase a Signarama shop that was only a few blocks from our home. Being business owners turned out to be harder than we had ever imagined; pouring our blood, sweat, and tears into a venture that just seemed to devour all of our money. God continued to encourage us with Ps 27, “Be strong and let your heart take courage and wait for the Lord.”

In July of 2012, I discovered that I was pregnant. I was blissfully happy for a week! Then morning sickness began, worse than I had ever had before. To understand just how I felt, you can read a previous post of mine, “God Needs Me?” Chris and I had both received our heart’s desire from the LORD, and we were both very discouraged about it, because it wasn’t the glorious reality we had expected. We were more than discouraged…rather; we were depressed and wanting to give up on everything. Yet God kept giving us the same message every place we turned.

“Let your hearts take Courage!”

We found out that this baby was a boy, our sixth boy! I knew that Courage was the prefect name for him! Every time I talked to my baby boy, I was reminded to take Courage!

I had been reading the book, “Supernatural Childbirth” which describes one woman’s journey of praying and speaking out scriptures and promises from God and then experiencing no pain in childbirth! I started praying the prayers over myself and my baby, over and over again. I had a few specific requests for God. Number one; I didn’t want my water to break before labor. That had happened the last four times and that had been quite enough to me. It would happen at night, and then I would be so nervous or excited about the impending labor that I couldn’t get any sleep. I wanted a good night sleep before this labor, I decided! Number two; I didn’t want any after-contractions. After my last labor, they had been so painful for two days, stripping me of the joy of new motherhood. Number three; I wanted a fast, easy, early, and pain-free home-birth. Not too much to ask.

Three weeks before my due date, I felt my water break. I was rather confused, because I really thought that God would honor my prayers and keep my waters intact. Still, I was excited to have Courage early, and I notified friends and family to pray. An entire day went by and no labor had started. Day two passed and I was beside myself with worry. I wanted an uncomplicated home birth, but I thought that now I would have to go to the hospital to be induced. Surely the midwife wouldn’t let me go much longer.

Mary, the midwife, arrived at my house that second day to see how I was doing. After a quick exam, she declared that my water had NOT broken after all! My cervix was completely closed, and I had no fluid leaking out. It was the outer bag that had broken, but the inner bag was still intact. I had no idea that there were two bags! Instantly my fear dissolved and I was at peace again. My water had not broken! I could safely stay pregnant for few more weeks!

I was actually happy to wait for labor to begin. Courage was sitting so low, at +1 station, as though at any moment he could just slip out! I was incredibly uncomfortable, but I was still at peace.
On March 8th, I felt a contraction while in bed and noticed that it was 1:11am. I would normally have Braxton-Hicks during the night, but they hardly ever woke me up. The rest of the night I slept very soundly, having dreams of contractions. Early in the morning, my four year old padded over to my side of the bed. I got up with him and snuggled in the first light of dawn. I kept feeling contractions, but they were so mild and irregular. I spent the morning doing all the regular chores, sitting on the birthing ball whenever I could. I was hesitant to tell anyone that I thought I was in labor, since my last announcement had been a false alarm.

Finally at 10am I called Chris and asked him to come home from work. I was feeling too distracted to take care of things at home by myself, but I still wasn’t convinced that I was in labor. Chris arrived home within minutes, and he found me rocking on the birthing ball and shivering under a few layers of clothes. I was not in any pain, but Chris immediately recognized the tell-tale signs that labor had arrived. He called the midwife, and Mary’s helper, Shirley showed up in no time flat. She was a plainly dressed, kind-faced woman who immediately started preparing warm compresses. When she told me that she had given birth to 12 children, I knew I was in good hands.

Mary arrived to our home around 11am, and she started getting set up in our bed room. She checked my cervix and informed me that I was 9-10 cm, all the way there!

“We just need to wait for you to feel the urge to push. The baby is at +2 station so it won’t take long for him to be born.”

Wow! I hadn’t even been sure that this was really labor, and Mary just told me that the baby would be born soon!

The contractions started to become uncomfortable and then downright painful. All my normal positions didn’t bring the expected relief. Mary could see that I was very tired and suggested that I try lying in the bed on my side.

“I just don’t think that position will be comfortable when I have a contraction,” I replied.

“I don’t think any position is going to be very comfortable at this point,” she said.

I agreed to try. I lay down on my side. Immediately, Shirley was packing pillows and warm compresses all around my heavy and burdened body which was now trembling. She would massage and apply pressure at just the right time in just the right place without ever being told.

I had never given birth like this, and I just couldn’t believe that it would work, without gravity to help. Mary assured me that the baby would come right out, but I just didn’t believe her. Yet I felt so tired that all I could do was lay there.

I thought, “This is going to take a while!”

Fear began to try to take hold of my mind. I prayed, “Jesus, you are going to have to give birth to this baby because I don’t think I can.”

He assured me that he would. I closed my eyes and imagined myself snuggled in the arms of Jesus.

“I might need to push.” I said.

“Great,” Mary said as she held up my top leg. After a few light pushes, I heard a loud SPLASH! SLAT! I opened my eyes to see that Mary and Chris were all wet. They were commenting on how the water had burst all over them, the bed, and splashed unto the floor.

“Is the baby out?” I asked.

“No, that was just your bag of waters. But he is right there!” Mary answered.

One more push and Courage slid out so easily onto the bed! Mary scooped him up, bundled him, and placed him in my arms. He settled peacefully in my embrace and promptly started sucking his fist. I was tired but completely and totally happy! Our Courage had arrived so quickly and easily, although not totally pain-free. But the biggest answer to prayer I would experience every moment for the next few days. I could enjoy my newborn without any after-contractions! It felt like a miracle to me, and God had honored my requests!

What had started as a very discouraging time in our lives had ended in a beautiful birth of a beautiful boy. The business that kept Chris busy at least 60 hours a week was still teetering on the verge of failure. Yet as we watched our Courage grow bigger and stronger, our courage and faith in God grew as well.

Courage is wearing his Signarama shirt!

He never let us go without food, and He never stopped sustaining our business in amazing nd miraculous ways. Signarama is still growing and improving, making signs for the greater Harrisburg area. And we are still daily reminding ourselves of God’s good words.
Let Your Heart Take Courage!

Birth Story: Part 4 – Chai, the One Who Brought Redemption!

August 21, 2014 / Anne (Grace is my Superhero) / 2 Comments

I was pregnant with number five, and I knew I needed to try something different! I had gained enough hospital experiences to last me the rest of my life. I would have been happy to never return.

Ashlyn, who was now 18 months, was a developmentally delayed because of a rare chromosomal abnormality. She was surprisingly healthy and incredibly happy…except when we visited any doctor’s office. They she cried and screamed inconsolably. She had had her fill of hospitals and doctors as well! How different things would have been for her if I would have had the courage to try a home birth.

But this time I was ready! I read and studied. All my research concluded the same thing. Every study ever done comparing hospital births to home-births (assisted by a trained midwife) revealed that home-births were safer! Home-birth labors were faster, less painful and required less intervention. There were fewer chances for infection, injury, and death for both mother and baby. I interviewed the home-birth midwives in Colorado Springs. I found a very experienced midwife named Merrie who I just loved. She thoroughly enjoyed what she did for a living, and she put me at ease. I asked Merrie about what would happen if we had another child like Ashlyn. The doctors had told us that it was a possibility. She was just fine with it and reassured us that she was trained to transport us to the hospital at the very first sign of problems.

The pregnancy began with a bit of fear and trepidation. What if this child was born with problems? I would recognize Ashlyn’s distinctive features as soon as the child was born. I imagined what I would feel; looking into the eyes of another “special” child and wondering if I would be able to handle the strain of it all. Ashlyn was still like a baby. She did not yet sit up or crawl, although she had started to scoot herself around on her belly in a funny one-legged pattern. Who knew what the future held for her? Yet, her smile brought so much joy, her sweet spirit ministered to me. I knew I wouldn’t trade her for the world! She was the perfect baby for me! I didn’t know how her life would unfold, but God did, and He said it was good! I realized that even if this unborn child had problems, I would love him or her just as much!

Slowly and steadily, as the baby grew in my belly, so did my peace and trust in God. I knew that having a home-birth was the right decision. I knew that this baby would be fine. We found out that the baby was a boy, and Chris and I searched for a name that would bring redemption to all of the problems that Ashlyn had been having. We chose Chai Erik which meant, “Healthy and Powerful!” Every time called him by his name, we were prophesying to him that he was healthy and powerful!

If you read my last post, Birth Story: Part 3, you will remember our bad church situation. When Ashlyn was four months old, our family was kicked out of that church. It was the best thing that could have happened to us! We were now being reunited with truth and love and had rediscovered the joy of our salvation! We also realized that where we really wanted to live was back in our hometown in Pennsylvania. Life Center, the church we had grown up in and had been married in, wanted to hire Chris! God was working out all the amazing details for us to move back home! We were full of deep, deep gratitude!

Three and a half weeks before my due date, Life Center flew Chris out to Pennsylvania for the final interview. He was having a wonderful time reconnecting with dear friends. I was at home taking care of four young children and throwing up every few hours with contractions that tightened my very huge belly! The ladies at Life Center thought I was going into labor! I reassured them that it was only a stomach bug. I had never thrown up in labor before, and I wasn’t going to start now!

Chris returned home the next day and I was feeling better! We were so excited about packing and moving across the country to our new lives! We just had to wait for this baby to be born.

We didn’t have to wait long. The very next night around two in the morning, I rolled over in bed and my water broke. At first a wave of fear washed over me. This was how it had all started with Ahslyn. First my water had broken, then no contractions, then the hospital, then lots of rude people, then Pitocin, then birth defects, then…on and on my mind churned. What if this labor was like the last time? I tried to get some sleep, but I couldn’t. When the sun rose, I quietly got out of bed and sat at the kitchen table with my Bible and notebook.

“OK God, I really need to hear your voice now. I do not want to listen to the voice of fear,” I prayed.

God put verses Isaiah 66:7-9 into my mind. I looked them up and as I read, peace and joy washed over my spirit in healing waves. I couldn’t hold back my worship and love for this God who had just given me the best verses that any pregnant woman could ever hope to receive!

“Before she goes into labor, she gives birth; before the pains come upon her, she delivers a son. Who has ever heard of such a thing? Who has ever seen such things? Can a country be born in a day or a nation be brought forth in a moment? Yet no sooner is Zion in labor than she gives birth to her children. ‘Do I bring to the moment of birth and not give delivery?’ says the LORD.”

God spoke to the very depth of my fears; that labor wouldn’t start for days and this baby wouldn’t be born. Yet God was saying that he would be born in a day and that I would give birth before the pains came upon me! I was so relieved and thankful!

Then I became a bit agitated. This baby was coming fast and nothing was ready! Chris was still sleeping; the birthing pool wasn’t set up; the midwife wasn’t there. I started having contractions, and I woke Chris up.

“I think we need to set up the birthing pool!” I said. He seemed to take his good old time! He didn’t feel the same urgency that I did. When I was having contractions about every five minutes, we called Merrie to come over. She arrived with another midwife. I slipped into the warm birthing pool which was really just a kiddie pool with brightly colored fish decorating the sides. I was so comfortable that my contractions completely stopped.

“I am in no hurry. I will stay here for as long as it takes,” Merrie said. “Although, you do need to have contractions if you want to have a baby. I have a homeopathic remedy that could start the contractions coming more regularly, if you want it.”

I said that would be great. It was a tiny dose of minuscule white pills. Sure enough, soon those contractions were coming again. The pain was not bad at all, but I was feeling it in my back. Pretty soon I had gotten onto my knees to lean over the side of the pool. Merrie applied pressure to my back with every contraction and that helped immensely.

“I have a feeling that the back pain is being cause by the baby flipped in the wrong direction,” Mary said. “I think if he turns, he will come right out! I have another homeopathic remedy that will turn the baby, but if he is in the correct position now, it won’t change that.”

I took it and a short time later I felt a very funny flipping and flopping feeling inside of me. He turned! Because the pain was so minimal, I was aware of the baby descending into the birth canal. I knew he was coming soon! Chris was casually taking orders for lunch. He was planning on running out to pick up some Chinese food and eating lunch before the baby was born.

“Chris you don’t have time for that. He is coming! I think he is coming now!”

Merrie asked Chris if he wanted to catch the precious bundle.

“Sure!’ Chris said as he knelt on the floor and leaned over the birthing pool. Chai came sliding into the world under the water and into Chris’ waiting hands. It was 11:55am and we were looking at a perfect, beautiful, and normal baby boy!

I sat in the warm water and held him close. We were so cozy and comfortable that we remained in the water for another half an hour and made our excited announcement calls to friends and family.

Finally we both got dried off and transferred to my bed. I felt so incredibly happy and comfortable. I wasn’t even bothered by those pesky after-contractions that had hurt so much the previous times.

God words had proven true! My greatest fears had not been manifested. In fact, just the opposite had been true! I understood that just as God had brought this baby forth so easily, He would also bring us into our promised land. It would be His grace and His favor that would bring us into the new lives we were longing and yearning for with all of our hearts! He had brought us redemption!

Birth Story: Part 3 – Ashlyn, the One Who Changed Everything

August 15, 2014 / Anne (Grace is my Superhero) / 5 Comments

I was two weeks away from my due date. It was late at night, and I felt a strange gush. I thought my water might have broken, but I wasn’t sure. That had never happened to me before, except at the very end of labor. Labor had not even started, but perhaps it would start soon.

Then I thought back to my first birth when the doctor had broken my water when I was half way dilated. How that had increased the pain! And now my bag of waters was already broken before the first contraction had commenced. Would I have to go through this entire labor with intense pain? Suddenly a tiny seed of fear took hold. During that sleepless night, it sent out invasive roots into my mind that became intertwined with every thought. I couldn’t relax or rest. I was too scared that any moment a contraction would come and assault my body with pain. This may seem very strange if you are familiar with my wonderful previous birth experiences. Why should I be so afraid this time?

My family had been living in an atmosphere of mounting fear for the past few years. We had started going to a new church when we moved to Colorado Springs, 6 years earlier. At first it was wonderful, full of life and joy. Slowly it moved away from the love and forgiveness of God and had begun to concentrate on our personal sins. To listen to our leaders counsel us and rebuke us time and time again, you would have thought we were teetering on the edge of hell. One wrong move and…we were done for! Talk about an atmosphere of fear!

This of course does not sound like the gospel of Jesus Christ at all! Yet there was just enough truth woven into the lies that we continued to try to reform ourselves and gain the approval of our leadership and of God.

Later I realized that I had always had God’s love and approval despite what my church was telling me. God had even told us to leave the church. He had given me a scripture that said, “Do not have sons and daughters in this place.” At the time, I thought He meant that we should not give birth to this child in Colorado Springs, but rather in New York, where some of our church members lived. We tried to move, but it never worked out. We thought we had messed up somehow, but we weren’t sure how. Months later, I read that verse in my journal and the meaning became so clear! I shouldn’t have given birth while under this leadership of fear. But right now I was still in the thick of it, and the panic was holding back the very thing that I most needed…contractions!

The sun rose and labor had not started. I didn’t realize what sorrow was in store. I had no indication that the child within me had a rare chromosomal abnormality that the doctors had never heard of. I had no idea what trauma she would have to endure in the first two days of her life, and how it would hurt my mother’s heart. (This is another story for another time. But don’t worry; this story ends with God’s wonderful redemption, just like every story in the life of a believer.) Yet I had a feeling of impending doom. I tried to shake it off. I tried to find my peace in Jesus, but my mind just kept spinning in fearful circles.

After we ate lunch and there were still no signs of labor, Chris and I decided to go to the hospital. The nurse we talked to said she needed to look at the fluid under a microscope, but I had none leaking out at the moment. The nurse didn’t think my water had broken, and was inclined to send me home, but instead, sent me on a walk and told me to come back in about an hour so she could check again.

Chris and I strolled around downtown Colorado Springs. It was a lovely, sunny day in January, and we walked around the Olympic Training Center. It was so beautiful, and I knew that I should be enjoying the time with my husband, yet my stomach was in knots. I was hoping that the nurse would just send me home and I could go into labor on another day, a day free from this weight of worry. Nervousness kept bubbling over until I started to cry.

Chris tried to comfort me as we entered the hospital again, but I didn’t feel any better. All that walking had released some amniotic fluid, and they confirmed that my water had broken.

“When did it break?” the red-haired midwife named Alice asked.

“Last night around 11,” I answered. It was now getting close to supper time.

The red-head immediately snapped to attention and spoke with alarm.

“What?! Your water has been broken for over 12 hours? We need to start you on Pitocin right away. And we will have to give you intravenous antibiotics to ward off any infection.”

That is not what I thought a midwife would say. I thought a midwife would have faith in a women’s body to do what it needed to do without artificial hormones.

I started to cry uncontrollably. I was devastated.

“I don’t want Pitocin!” I insisted.

“We have to do it. We have to deliver this baby as soon as possible because we don’t want you or the baby to develop an infection. But we will start the drip slowly.”

I was taken into a birthing room and hooked up to monitors and a Pitocin drip. I couldn’t stop crying. My dream of a natural birth was being taken from me. I had talked to other women who had Pitocin, and their reports had included hard, heavy contractions with intense pain…in one word – torture.

The nurse looked at me with my snotty nose and puffy red eyes. She seemed annoyed, as though she would rather not deal with me at all.

“We will give you one round of antibiotics now and another around midnight.”

“What if I have the baby before midnight?”

I had gotten on her last nerve!

“You are NOT going to have this baby before midnight,” she snapped. “You are not even in active labor. It takes lots of hard contractions to birth a baby. You probably won’t even have this baby before morning.”

I should have realized that I knew a lot more about birthing babies than she did. After all, I had already had three, natural, wonderful births. In my fearful, emotional state, however, her words pushed me into depression. I saw a night of agonizing pain in front of me and I saw no way out of it. I wished that they could just do a C-section and be done with it. I didn’t know how to labor under the influence of Pitocin! I just wanted to die. Death would be better than what I would have to go through.

“And if I do get through this alive,” I thought, “I am never having anymore babies!”

Chris could see that I was falling apart.

“You are so upset because you are not in control. You just need to give up control and trust God! God is in control, and it is going to be just fine,” he said.

A small flame of faith was lit in my heart. I relaxed a little and tried my best to trust in God. It was 5:40 and I was only at 4 cm.

Our friend Chris came to the hospital and brought my husband Chris some supper. She encouraged me to fall into the arms of Jesus.

“Pray, ‘Whatever it takes, I will do it and trust you,” she said.

I prayed that prayer and surrendered. I was starting to feel more peaceful. Around 8pm the contractions started in earnest. At first they were surprisingly painful.

“If it hurts this much when I am only 4 cm dilated, how will I make it when I am at 8 or 9 or 10?!” I asked Chris, despairing again.

“Don’t worry about that. Just take them one at a time.”

My wise and loving husband got me back on track again! I finally remembered to relax during each contraction. I would lean over the bed and let my belly drop and hang loose. I would relax my arms, then my legs, and finally my face muscles. Instant relief!

The grumpy nurse had ended her shift, and she was replaced by a solemn and worried looking nurse. This new nurse wanted me to get into bed so she could check my cervix. I hated lying in a bed; it was so uncomfortable! As soon as I lay down, however, I uttered to everyone’s amazement, “I have to push!”

I gave one push and the baby’s head was visible! The midwife ran out to get Alice. The midwife ran in and said, “Wow, it was a good thing I didn’t go home for supper like I was planning on! Alright, let’s have this baby!”

I was able to quiet myself and hardly push at all. It was like a moment in a movie when everything is in slow motion, and you are aware of every small detail. I could feel her little head crowning and easing out so gently on her own, without much extra effort on my part. And then she was born! So quickly, so easily! I was in awe! Instantly the worry and fear gave way to relief, joy and overwhelming gratitude! I had made wrong decisions. I hadn’t trusted God. I had descended into the depths of despair, and God had reached down and pulled me out! And in His great mercy, He had given me a fast, smooth birth. It was 8:20pm. God had proven that grumpy nurse wrong! I was holding my sweet little Ashlyn Autumn, “God’s Vision for the Harvest” and I was content!

I learned that fear is the enemy of labor, and Jesus is the enemy of fear. Rest in Him! Trust in Him! He can always turn our nightmares into a sublime Vision of His Goodness!

Birth Story: Part 2 – Cole, the Easy One and Cadin, the Firecracker!

August 13, 2014 / Anne (Grace is my Superhero) / 1 Comment

I was watching my 17 month old girl play on the jungle gym while talking to my friend, Chris.

“So you can keep Areli for me while I am in the hospital?” I asked.

“Sure, we are looking forward to it. We go to Mexico next week, but we will be back before your due date. You don’t think you will go early, do you?” Chris asked.

“Oh, no,” I said. “My midwife says she thinks I will go to my due date or maybe after. I think so too.”

When I found out that I was pregnant for the second time, I had returned to the same OBGYN. I was pleasantly surprised to find that he now employed a midwife who he also happened to be married to. They worked well together, even though she seemed much more naturally minded.

I was excited to have another baby, and I felt peaceful about waiting a few more weeks before I met the precious bundle and learned who was kicking in my belly.

Later that week, I began having Braxton Hicks contractions in the afternoon. It couldn’t be labor yet, but that got me thinking. I hadn’t even packed my bag for the hospital yet! I waddled around the house to gather all the necessary supplies, up the stairs and down the stairs and then up the stairs again. Every twenty minutes I was having a contraction. I called my midwife to let her know. She told me that it probably wasn’t labor and that I should sit down, prop my feet up and drink a big glass of water. As I was doing that, my husband, Chris, returned home from working at the Olive Garden. We sat on the futon together as I gulped down water, and my contractions actually started coming faster! We had to come up with a plan B babysitter for Areli since our friends were still in Mexico!

In a few short hours my midwife met us at the hospital and checked my progress.

“You are 5 cm already! Looks like you ARE going to have a baby today, two weeks early!” she announced.

I was overjoyed! I looked at the clock and it said 7:30pm.

I prayed, “Please Lord, let me have this baby before midnight!”

The contractions were beginning to feel more intense, so Chris helped me get set up in the shower stall with a birthing ball and a hand-held shower head. I sat and pelvic tilted slowly on the ball. I held the warm water right on my gigantic belly. The intensity of the pain almost seemed to melt away and run down the shower drain. I was so comfortable and so happy that Chris left the bathroom to continue watching the football game that he had started at home. I was glad he could keep busy doing something he enjoyed. Chris and men in general are usually a bit impatient. I firmly believe that a woman midwife will be a much better support at a birth than a man doctor. I know that there are some amazing exceptions to that rule, but… men like to control and protect. They like to take action and be proactive. Labor is all about waiting, trusting, and letting your body and your baby do what they were created to do.

After an hour or so, Chris popped his head into the bathroom and asked how I was doing.

“Good,” I responded rather sleepily. I was so relaxed! “How is the game?”

“It’s a good game, but I can’t believe you are asking me about football while you are in labor!”

Probably another hour went by and Chris was back.

“The midwife wants to check you.”

“OK, after the next contraction, I’ll come out. I am just so comfortable here.”

I wanted to stay there forever, but I dried off and made my way to the hospital bed. The midwife checked me and I was at 10 cm! All of us were a bit shocked! I had totally missed the fact that I was in transition because I was so incredibly happy in the shower!

I gave one good push. Intensity!

“Jesus, help me! Jesus Help me!” I called out.

I gave one more push and HE was born, our little Nobleman and Victory of the People, Cole Patric!

I looked at the clock and it was 10:35pm. God sure answered my prayer with time to spare. I was blissful!

My midwife kissed me on the check and said, “That was a beautiful birth. You have babies so easily, you should have a dozen!”

“Well, we think we want at least six.”

Looking back years later, that was one of my easiest birth experiences. My emotional state during each pregnancy has a lot to do with how labor goes. This time I was very peaceful and relaxed. When labor came early, it was a surprise gift I was more than happy to receive. My mind and body were ready to let that oxytocin flow!

Cole was almost two when I was three weeks away from my due date with baby number three. This time we knew he was a boy. I was feeling very uncomfortable, and I thought the baby was sitting very low. Since Cole was two weeks early, I thought that this baby would be early as well. Maybe even three weeks early since he was so low already. I started a bad habit that all extremely pregnant women should avoid. Every morning I woke up thinking that this was THE day! I would think every Braxton Hicks contraction was the beginning of labor and start timing. I would hope and pray for labor to start, RIGHT NOW! Chris would talk to my belly and tell the baby to come out NOW. Every night that I would go to bed still pregnant, I was sad and disappointed. I was becoming more uncomfortable and impatient with each passing day. I didn’t realize it, but my body was becoming rather stressed and tense.

This went on for two weeks until I woke up at 4am with a strong contraction. I couldn’t go back to sleep because they kept coming every 20 minutes.

“This really could be the day!” I thought excitedly. Still, I didn’t want to wake Chris up and cause a fuss for no reason. When he got up to get ready for work, he noticed that I was timing contractions. As soon as he realized what was happening, he called his mom to come get Areli and Cole.

When Chris’ mom arrived, Areli and Cole were ready, but my contractions had completely stopped. I felt awful for having Corrine take a day off of work and drive all the way to our house for a false alarm. Corrine decided to take them home with her anyway. Chris decided to go to work. I was home alone with nothing to do but read and wish that labor would start again.

The entire day passed with no more contractions. Chris got home from work and announced that we should go out on a date since we didn’t have the children. We went to one of my favorite restaurants, and wouldn’t you know it…contractions! By the end of the meal, I was leaning over the table and breathing through them!

We got to the hospital at 10pm. I got into the shower straight away and expected that same comfort I had received last time. Only this time there was something wrong with the hospital’s hot water. There was none, or only a trickle in between bursts of cold. I was shivering uncontrollably, and miserable, yet I didn’t want to give up!

“You need to get out of there!” Chris told me as he gently forced me to dry off. I got dressed again and sat down on the rocker. This was definitely not as soothing as a warm shower, and I wasn’t happy about it. The painful hours ticked by. I noticed that Chris was dozing off in a chair on the other side of the room.

“Don’t go to sleep! Don’t leave me!” I said, pitifully.

“I am just so tired, I can’t stay awake.”

“Yeah, but I have to push a baby out before I can go to sleep!”

It was the middle of the night. My wished I could just forget all of this giving birth nonsense and just go to sleep! Yet my body had other ideas, continuing the work of bringing the baby down into position. I had to stand up and lean over the bed to get some relief.

All of a sudden an incredibly urge overpowered me.

“I need to push!” I said to the midwife on call, who happened to be standing right next to me at the moment.

“That’s alright. You can start pushing standing up.”

I pushed and groaned and felt the head crowning!

“I feel his head!” I said even though I could barely talk through the intensity of the moment.

Chris was very afraid of our son smacking his tiny skull on the hospital floor and the midwife must not have wanted to lie down to deliver. In a split second, the two of them flipped me up on the bed and I was pushing again.

“Wait, I’m not ready.” I heard the midwife say. But it didn’t matter. Cadin Christopher, our confident Follower of Christ, was born. He burst into this world like a firecracker at 3:20 am on the Fourth of July!

Oh, the Love of a Sibling!

July 12, 2014 / Anne (Grace is my Superhero) / 6 Comments

It is such a gift to have siblings…lots of them! My firstborn was a girl, Areli. When she was 18 months, our second child, Cole, arrived. Areli took to him right away. She couldn’t say, “baby” but she could say “boo-boo.” Boo-Boo became his name for the next two years. Areli and Cole cannot remember life without each other or “our chuthers” as they used to say. They were always best friends, like peas and carrots. They still are.

Two years after Cole, Cadin came along. They were a happy trio, getting into trouble and playing pretend. Cadin was always his own person, however, having different tastes than his older brother.

Ashlyn was born 18 months later. Her development was very delayed because of a chromosomal abnormality. She didn’t crawl for a long time and didn’t sit up until she was almost two years old. She didn’t begin to stand and walk until she was nine. Her world until that time was on the floor. God provided three little boys to take turns sharing the floor with her. Chai was born when she was 18 months, Cooper two years later, and Calvin two years after that. Oh the fun fellowship they shared, exploring every inch of the space underneath things and “cleaning up” any crumbs that fell there.

Cooper and Calvin have a special bond because they share a room and a bunk bed. They are now 7 and 5, and they are hyper, little balls of energy. We call them C&C Music Factory. If I want a peaceful outing to the store, I must only take one of them along.

My children love each other! They never lack a friend to play with. It is true that sometimes they express hatred rather than love, hurting the other just for the sheer enjoyment of it and denying that they are related at all. But I know that when the immaturity of this season passes, they will be deep and earnest friends for the whole of their lives.

Each new baby was welcomed with such excitement and enthusiasm that we had to protect the vulnerable little thing from being loved on too much. It was so sweet to see a normally wild boy get quiet and still when it was his turn to hold the baby.

Areli was always a natural mother. She got to be present at the birth of four of her little brothers. She was enchanted with it all. Childbirth can be intense at times, but witnessing it only seemed to increase her love for babies and her desire to be a mom someday. When Calvin outgrew the newborn, eat every few hours at night stage, he slept in a crib in Areli’s room. She was so happy to have him there. She would change him and clothe him and snuggle with him. She would even comfort him if he cried during the night and she wouldn’t tell me about it until the morning. A sister like that is worth more that her weight in gold!

Calvin turned two, and no new baby arrived. Cooper, age 4 at this time, began talking to me about the fact that we really needed a baby. I told him to pray about it. He did! After a few more months had pasted, Cooper came to me exasperated.

“I prayed for a baby, but I don’t think God heard me! We don’t have a baby yet!”

I encouraged him to keep praying and that God knows the perfect time for everything. More prayer seemed to increase Cooper’s vision. Soon he was reporting to me that God had 10 babies for us, 5 boys and 5 girls! They were up in heaven, just waiting for God to send them down.

This seemed rather far fetched, so Daddy told him, “Perhaps you are talking about the children that you will have someday when you get married!” Cooper didn’t seem so sure.

Not long after that, Chris and I announced to the children that I indeed had another baby in my belly. Cheers erupted! They all wanted another baby to hold and snuggle and change and dress. They were all so excited, none more than Cooper.

“I hope it’s a boy!” he announced.

Since we already had 5 boys, the rest of us thought a girl would be nice. An ultrasound revealed that the baby was indeed….another boy! Cooper was overjoyed!

“Now we only need four more boys, and 5 more girls!”

I have always encouraged my children to pray to God and listen to His voice. Cooper had always been great at this, possessing that child-like faith in great measure. I didn’t want to tell him that he was not hearing God’s voice, because how did I know? In my own walk with God, His words were usually somewhat surprising to me when they came, interrupting my own thought with an altogether different message. I have found that His thoughts are truly not like our thoughts; that His ways are not like our ways. He is constantly trying to get us out of that box (or cage), encouraging us to jump off of that cliff, and teaching us to fly with Him above the logical and obvious.

So Cooper’s ambitious vision for brothers and sisters does seem like impossibility, considering my diminishing fertile years. We had seriously looked into adoption a few years back, but right now, that seems impossible as well. How do I feel about the fact that Cooper thinks I should give birth 9 more times, or have triplets 3 times, or have two more babies and adopt seven, or any number of other scenarios?

I know that God knows what He is doing and His ways are mysterious beyond my comprehension but far better than what I could ever imagine!

So I just say, “Keep praying Cooper…keep praying! You never know what God might do…for the love of a sibling!”

Crowning Jewel of All God’s Creation

July 5, 2014July 5, 2014 / Anne (Grace is my Superhero) / 4 Comments

I have seen the majestic beauty of Pike’s peak.

I have beheld massive waves pounding the shore.

I have walked in the morning mist of a tropical jungle.

I have experienced stunning architecture, hundreds of years old.

But never have I had a view as great as this.

The perfection of each tiny toenail,

the softness of his skin,

the engineering of his ever developing brain,

the shimmer of his auburn hair.

And when his eyes light up with joy and his cheeks burst forth in a dimply smile…the sun pales in comparison!

All the music of a thousand symphonies, here in my house.

All the wonders of the universe, here in my home!

How is it that I should be entrusted with the crowning jewel of all of God’s creation – my precious baby boy, Courage Justice!!!!?

God Needs Me?

July 5, 2014 / Anne (Grace is my Superhero) / 3 Comments

“He can do all things without us, but He had chosen to do them through us.” – The Call by Rick Joyner

I was pregnant with baby number eight. It had been three years since my last pregnancy, and I felt the strongest, the healthiest, the most alive I had ever felt! That was…until the morning sickness settled in. It was actually “all day but much worse in the evening sickness”. I had not felt horribly nauseous during my previous pregnancies, more like continuous car sickness. How I had wished I could stop the invisible car and just get out! I was optimistic that this pregnancy would be the exception, that I could say with a smile on my face and a twinkle in my eye, “I love being pregnant!”

Just the opposite had happened. I had never felt so bad! My days consisted of sitting on the sofa with my eyes closed, trying to feel better. My children ran around unattended. Home school, which we should have started a month ago, remained untouched. My older children did all the chores around the house and kept it running, though not as orderly or smoothly as I would have. My precious firstborn girl, Areli, carried an enormous burden. She heard my pitiful pleas all day long.

“Areli, could you make me some eggs?”

“Areli, could you fill up my water glass?”

“Areli, could you see who is crying upstairs, please?”

I tried to be a good mom; but mostly I whined, moaned, slept, felt sick, got sick, and slept some more. I felt useless and wretched. I knew theoretically that despite the weakened state of my body, my spirit could still soar high above my circumstances, like an eagle above the clouds. Yet, after days, weeks, and months of feeling crummy, my eagle had forgotten how to fly. My mind kept thinking about scriptures such as

“For our present troubles are small and won’t last very long. Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever!” 2 Cor 4:17

I knew that it was true, but it didn’t help me feel any better.

I thought about my joy in a newborn baby and how it was all worth it.

But it didn’t make me feel any better.

I reread every “Above Rubies” magazines I had ever received to encourage myself.

My mind was encouraged but my flesh still felt miserable!

My body felt like it was not capable to getting up off the sofa and doing anything productive or enjoyable, yet my mind continued to churn, swirling in descending circles.

“I just want to die. I can’t live like this. Why do I have to suffer? Why does God allow me to feel so horrible?”

Pregnancy is such a miracle, a blessing, a gift! So why did I feel so bad? My suffering was nothing compared to other women I knew, who kept almost nothing down for nine months, yet my suffering felt like too much for me to bear.

The question I kept asking was, “Is this worth it?” and I knew that it was. A new life is always worth it. After a mother is holding that precious bundle, her sorrow is turned into joy.

Then the question became, “How much is a human life worth? How much pain and sorrow is one life worth? How much would I suffer for one human life? Would I get pregnant and do this all again for one more human life? How much is a life worth to God? How much suffering did Jesus endure?”

The only conclusion I could come to was this; one human life is worth IT ALL! There is no limit to the value God puts on a life, no price too high to pay, no suffering too severe. Jesus suffered more than any of us. He went through betrayal, slander, hatred, lies, scourging, mocking, and the cruelest execution ever conceived. He felt the wretched, incurable sickness of the evil of the entire world. And he bore the effects of that twisted iniquity; separation with all that is good and beautiful and holy, his Father.

He said that his suffering was worth it because of the joy set before him. (Hebrews 12:2) That joy was human life, redeemed and set free. He said that I am worth it. He said that you are worth it. He said that the child in my womb was worth it. If Jesus was willing to suffer for my child, shouldn’t I? After the suffering of His soul, he saw the light of life (my life, your life, my child’s life) and he was satisfied. (Isaiah 53:11)

I knew that my suffering wasn’t in vain, but I still didn’t feel any better.

“God, give me a vision of this child! Something to keep me going,” I prayed.

In my mind’s eye I saw beams of life coming from this child and shooting out to the far reaches of the earth. This child would be a blessing to me and my family, yes. But he would also have an impact on the entire world! How? I have no idea! But if I could have some small part in sending life to the whole of mankind, sign me up!

Then I heard God’s loving voice.

“Thank you for being available. Without you, I couldn’t bring this child of destiny into the world.”

Then I felt the peace that only God’s voice can bring. I felt His gratitude sink deep into my soul until I was saturated by the unbelievable goodness of it. God needs me? The all powerful God NEEDS ME to be available? What if I had said that seven children were quite enough, and that there were too many children in the world already? THIS particular child, with unique DNA from his father and from me that could never be duplicated, would have never existed! His very individual purpose and destiny would have never been manifested. His precious personality, which was a dream in God’s heart since before the world began (Ephesians 1:4), would have never been realized. And now he exists…because of me! I cannot think of anything more powerful. I cannot think of any higher honor for God to give me, than helping Him to create something of inestimable value and eternal impact.

I never could say during that pregnancy that I enjoyed being pregnant. But I could say that pregnancy was when I relied on God the most and sensed His presence the closest and felt His glory the heaviest. And the moment that precious Babe was born…I could say…