In Honor of Spring, New Life, and a Baby Girl

March 3, 2015March 4, 2015 / Anne (Grace is my Superhero) / Leave a comment

I know we are still having winter weather, but I just can’t stop day dreaming about flowers, warm breezes, Easter, and a baby girl to be born in April!

So I think it is about time that I brightened up my blog a bit and post a story about new beginnings.

“The Lord will surely comfort Zion and will look with compassion on all her ruins, he will make her deserts like Eden, her wastelands like the garden of the Lord,” Isaiah 51:3

It was the early spring of 2008, and I was surveying my new yard. Our family of eight had moved into this beautiful, older home in the fall. However, the yard hadn’t been touched in years and was overgrown. My husband, Chris, had just finished a week of “vacation” spent clearing bushes and brush from our corner lot. I was amazed at how much he had accomplished. Still, I lamented over the barren patches of earth the roots had left behind. I despised the remaining scrubby bushes that Chris didn’t have time to dig out.

“How I wish he could have finished the job! How I long to see grass growing and flowers blooming! One of my favorite signs of spring is the delicious smell of lilacs in air. Lord, how can I get a hold of a lilac bush and get rid of these awful ones?”

Days passed, leaves came forth in the warm sunlight, and I surveyed my yard again. I couldn’t believe my eyes! Two of the ugly eyesores had been transformed into lilac bushes! The tiny lavender buds held the promise of that glorious scent.

“Thank you God that Chris wasn’t overzealous in his yard work after all!” I prayed with overwhelming gratitude. God answered in his gentle way.

“You wish that I would remove all the ugly parts of your life. You even blame yourself that they still remain. But you don’t judge as I judge. Under your barren ground there are seeds that will grow! I have allowed the “thorns” in your life to remain because I know that when the spring season comes, they will bloom and blossom. Then you will realize that the blessings you had prayed for have been with you all the while in disguise…as a trial.”

God, help me to see my life as you do, full of you promise and potential.

Nobody Knows in Advance Which Day Will Be the Day of Their Death

February 4, 2015 / Anne (Grace is my Superhero) / 5 Comments

For my Grammy, that day was February 4, 2011. Sometimes you get an inkling that this life is drawing to a close. With Grammy, I was completely shocked. I was thinking that she could live another ten years, being from a family of long livers. She was even improving and starting to eat and walk again. I had no idea that February 4^th was her day. I simply thought it was my last day with her for a time, since I was flying back to Pennsylvania on February 5^th. I am so thankful for that last day with her.

Grammy was cozy in her new room at Harbor House, a memory care facility. She was confused about a lot of things, but she kept on insisting that she was going to move back to her apartment at Primrose. She had spent the Christmas holiday in rehab after a stroke. She was unable to get any of her mail. So she and I spent a long time on her favorite love seat, reading every single Christmas card she had received. I was amazed by how many people still sent her cards and how detailed their letters were. She remembered every single person and told me nice things about each one.

Then I read to her the scripture God had given me when I was praying for her before this trip, Isaiah 43:1-4. I saw Jesus carrying her through this strange new trial like a lamb on his shoulders and he was saying, “Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you. You are precious and honored in my sight and I LOVE YOU!”

Grammy paused from her talking for a moment. I wondered what was going through her mind, and I hoped that she felt God’s love. Then she started right back into discussing moving back to Primrose.

Soon she became very tired, and we tucked her into bed for an afternoon nap. She looked comfortable and peaceful. I kissed her on the cheek and said goodbye.

Chris and I spent the evening with relatives. What a wonderful evening we had! We returned our rental car since a shuttle would be taking us to the airport in the morning. Our relatives drove us back to our rented room at Primrose. Chris and I were so worn out from our busy week. We wanted to just flop into bed and sleep as much as we could before our early morning flight. However, we still had to pack our bags. As we were getting everything ready to return home, we received a phone call. A young nurse from Harbor House informed us with a shaky voice that Grammy had passed away! She had slept away the afternoon. One of the nurses had tried to rouse her for dinner, but Grammy said she was too tired and just wanted to keep on sleeping. When they checked on her again, she had no pulse.

My heart started to beat fast. Was this supposed to be happening? Grammy dead, this soon? I had left too early in the day! I should have stayed at her side all evening. I had missed the moment when she left this earth. I immediately felt sad and guilty. Chris quickly pushed those thoughts aside.

“There was no way that you could have known. You did just what you were supposed to do this week.”

I began to feel a peace fill me. All I could do was what I had done. Grammy lived a long life and died peacefully in her sleep. She didn’t have to suffer. May we all have a death so sweet!

We called our relatives and asked them if they could drive us back to Harbor House. We wanted to say our final goodbyes. I had never experienced death so closely before. When I entered Grammy’s room, she looked just the same as I had left her, peaceful and snuggled under her blankets. I expected her to open her eyes and see me standing there, yet she was still. I felt that I was standing on holy ground. Jesus himself had just been there to gather Grammy into his loving arms and carry her home. His presence still lingered, and it was so sweet.

I really couldn’t know Grammy’s personal relationship with Jesus, what transpired in the depths of her heart and spirit before she died. But the presence of Jesus in the room gave me the peace that I would see her again in heaven. None of us can make it to heaven on our own. It is the same as trying to get to the moon by jumping our very highest. It doesn’t matter how hard we try or how well we train, we just can’t reach the moon. Jesus lived and died in order to carry us there. He is alive right now, constantly loving us and praying for us that we will trust him to do it. So let’s do less jumping and more trusting. There is nothing to fear and EVERYTHING to look forward to. For those who trust in Him, death is a reward and it is holy.

I Heard God Serenading Me

January 29, 2015January 29, 2015 / Anne (Grace is my Superhero) / 5 Comments

It was late January of 2011. Christmas had just passed. It was the bleak midwinter, and Chris and I found ourselves emerged in the cold and snow of Wisconsin. We were in a situation we never anticipated and were unprepared for, in over our heads and praying for strength and wisdom.

My grandmother, who I always affectionately called “Grammy”, had suffered a stroke. She was placed in rehab and we expected her to make a full recovery and return to her assisted living apartment. Then my mom received a call from the fancy, new rehabilitation facility. A social worker informed her that Grammy had refused all rehab and had hardly walked since the stroke. Grammy had developed dementia and was deemed unable to make her own decisions. She certainly couldn’t return to her apartment and the very expensive room at the rehab facility was doing her no good at all. Yet she was still paying for both places. We were told that if a relative didn’t come to Wisconsin and become her guardian, she would become a ward of the state.

We all felt that Chris was the best candidate to travel to Wisconsin. He would take care of Grammy’s finances and get her situated in a nursing home. He was so gifted at organization and decision making. His time as an employee of Home Instead Senior Care had well acquainted him with the needs of senior citizens. At the last minute, it worked out for me to go as well. I left my seven children with trusted friends and traveled with Chris into the unknown. I felt a special grace for this time, yet I felt a huge weight of responsibility as well. Grammy had always been able to take care of herself, being very healthy and as sharp as a tack. Now at 96, she was to become our responsibility. I was used to Grammy telling me what to do, not the other way around!

We rented a guest room at Primrose, the assisted living community where Grammy had an apartment. It was new and beautiful and very comfortable. We were only supposed to be there 3-4 days which meant our schedule would be non-stop. We had to see a lawyer and then a judge to be granted guardianship. Then we had to visit nursing homes and chose one. We had to visit Grammy several times, of course, and work things out with rehab and Primrose. We had to think about applying for financial aid. Although the nursing homes were not nearly as nice as her current home, they charged a lot more, and we had no access to Grammy’ financials until the judge said we did. Once the judge granted Chris the guardianship, we had to visit all Grammy’s banks and clear out her apartment. We had to sell her car and forward her mail. The list went on and on without end. I kept a pen and paper with me constantly to write down every new name and number, every new appointment. My mind was so overwhelmed with details that I could hardly think straight.

When visiting Grammy, my heart was torn. She spoke so intelligently. She sounded so much like the Grammy that I had always known. I would think that I was making a horrible mistake by taking control of her life and moving her to a nursing home. Then she would remind us of why we were there. She would think Chris was one of the nurses. She would talk about the “seed soup” that she loved to eat. It turned out that “seed soup” was just tea with thickener added to it so she wouldn’t aspirate. That was about all she would ingest. She had stopped eating most food and had stopped walking. Yet the nurses would mash up a horrible concoction of all her medications and force her to eat it, usually on an empty stomach. Awful!

She would take a phone call from her boyfriend. After a minute, the phone would slip out of her hand and into her lap, yet she would continue talking as if the phone was still up to her mouth.

I knew we had made the right decision, transferring her to a memory care facility. Grammy was still very strong willed and feisty, and I wasn’t sure that she would agree that we had her best interests in mind. I told her gently that she couldn’t return to her beloved apartment but that we would be moving some of her things to a new place. She became so upset that she started feeling sick and displaying all manner of symptoms. Then she promptly fell asleep, sitting up and in the middle of our conversation. I prayed desperately that God would comfort her. She woke up a few minutes later and was in much better spirits.

It was Tuesday morning and like every other morning of the trip, I woke up at 4am and my stomach fluttered with nervousness. I felt so overwhelmed with all we had to do that day, and it seemed like more than we could handle. In addition, I was supposed to be flying home on Wednesday to be with the children. There was a historic winter storm with blizzard conditions and freezing rain from the Rockies to New England. The airports were being shut down, and I wouldn’t be able to fly home. My heart ached for my children. I hated to ask our baby sitters to stay with them for a whole week, but we had no choice.

I felt sad that I hadn’t visited Grammy in the past 12 years. We didn’t have the money to travel to see her, and it was hard to coordinate to take the whole family all the way to Wisconsin. Yet, here I was now, when I had to be. I was grateful to be able to help Grammy in any way that I could. Yet we still didn’t have the money to travel, and we weren’t sure how we were going to purchase plane tickets home (whenever the snow cleared) and how we were going to pay our babysitters.

I thought about how we had to go through all of Grammy’s belongings and decide which things she would like to keep with her at Harbor House and which we had to get rid of. I thought of going through all her personal papers and financial documents, all of her private memories and treasured trinkets, and I felt wretched, as though I was betraying her trust!

I felt awful about putting her in a nursing home. I wanted to bring her back to Pennsylvania to live with us, but I just couldn’t see how that would work. Could she even travel? Would she be devastated to leave the town that she had spent most of her life in?

All these thoughts wouldn’t allow me to get anymore sleep. I slipped out of bed as quietly as I could and got into the shower. The spiral of thoughts and emotions continued until I just wanted to curl up into a ball and cry.

“I just want to go home and be with my children, but there is no way that I can!” I said to God.

Then sweetly and softly I heard God singing over me! It was a song by Mercy Me that I had heard on the Christian station, and God sang it to me something like this:

“You’re Beautiful! You’re Beautiful! You are treasured, you are sacred, and you are mine. You’re beautiful.”

I felt wretched. I felt homesick.

God was calling me beautiful!

I felt overwhelmed. I felt inadequate. I felt like I was doing everything wrong.

God was calling me beautiful!

And I experienced his deep, deep love for me when He sang it. It was like the love of a husband watching his wife have a stressed induced meltdown over some silly thing. He understands her thoughts and knows the depths of her heart. He is used to her swirling emotions. He knows that all the details that she is so concerned about will simply fall into place. He knows that she doesn’t need to worry at all, and her freaking out will accomplish nothing. Yet he looks at her and he can’t help but love her, despite her failings…because she is his beloved bride. Even though her face is red and blotchy with tears, her husband can’t help but see her overwhelming beauty. He is totally and completely in love with her at all times, no matter what.

That is how God made me feel that day in the shower. Isn’t He an amazing God! That He loves us so completely! His love was all I needed to take courage again and keep pressing forward, through the rest of the week, through moving Grammy’s stuff and moving Grammy and preparing everything that needed to be done before we returned to Pennsylvania.

Now, years later I look back on that frozen week in Wisconsin with awe and wonder. It was a blessed miracle. I saw God give us favor with the right people and witnessed Him work out all of the details. I got to spend precious time with Grammy. And the blizzard? God worked it out for my good. Instead of traveling home early, I was able to see Grammy comfy and cozy in her new little room. I got to see her happy in her new home (even though she did call it a “nut house”). I got to see her enjoy food and walk again! I got to kiss her and say goodbye before she took an afternoon nap. It turned out to be the last afternoon nap she would ever take on this earth. She finally felt at peace enough to let her spirit fly…and I got to be there…while God sang.

“He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing.” Zeph 3:17

Broken is the New “Just Right”

December 10, 2014 / Anne (Grace is my Superhero) / 5 Comments

Sure, I am a mother of many boys with aggression and hyperactivity all around me all of the time. But I am still a girl who likes pretty things, who wants to make her home a peaceful oasis. My efforts are continually being thwarted by those unruly boys. My lovely house plant becomes inhabited by plastic frogs. My beautiful framed art is accessorized with suction cup Nerf bullets. My delicate blue and white china collection is transformed into a war zone for Star Wars Lego Storm Troopers.
I had just finished decorating for Christmas when I noticed this sorry fellow in the photograph, still bravely manning his post despite the fact that he had both of his arms ripped off.

He seems to be telling me, “Yes, I know that I am not as you were hoping me to be, and you would like to remove me from your shelf and toss me into the trash. But wait…God uses the imperfect and impossible all the time. I may be just the finishing touch that you need.”

So there you have it. Broken is the new “just right,” and God can use all of us! I am so thankful so that He can use me even though I am broken…maybe because I am broken. And I am thankful for a house full of boys who break things…and sometimes make them better.

God is a Strange Kind of Blesser

December 2, 2014 / Anne (Grace is my Superhero) / 1 Comment

I have a good man. One of the best! We have gone through our share of trials together, and I have watched him weather storm after storm. I have seen him carry the weight of the world on his shoulders. I have witnessed him straining under the overwhelming burden of it, trying with all his strength to simply stay afloat.

We have had many struggles during our marriage. We have had times when we couldn’t pay our bills, we were getting calls from creditors threatening to take our home, and we were expecting that our vehicles would be repossessed. We have gone through many financial storms such as layoffs and economic downturns. We have followed trusted leaders into a treacherous sea of financial decisions and then have been abandoned, left to navigate to shore alone. We have made our share of bad decisions, landing us in overwhelming debt. We have also lived through the death of one dream after another, dreams that could have rescued us and put us on solid ground again.

One night a few years ago, we watched “Cinderella Man” together. It became one of my favorite movies because it depicted something we had been through. A young family with children to take care of. A man wanting to work so badly, but there was no work to be found. Things went from bad to worse in the middle of the Great Depression. Finally he got a break. His former boxing trainer had gotten him a fight! He would most certainly lose, but he would get paid. He jumped at the chance to provide for his family! The thought of being pummeled and hit until he was bloody was nothing to him. No suffering could compare to the thought of his children going without food. Miraculously, he won the fight and eventually was in line to fight for the heavyweight title. His opponent was a bear of a man who had killed someone in the ring with one knockout punch. When James J. Braddock was talking to the media about how he had become such an amazing boxer when previously he was only mediocre, this was his answer, “Now I know what I am fighting for…milk.”

At this point Chris made a comment that I will never forget. He said, “I would submit to a public beating if it would cancel all our debts.”

I almost wept right there! The heart of a man who stands up and fights for his family against seemingly unbeatable odds! Is there anything more courageous? Chris had no opportunity to get into the ring like Jimmy Braddock, but he did work two jobs for four years to get us out of debt. He worked hard, and he worked well. He was diligent and did everything with wisdom and integrity. In the midst of it, he realized that all of these jobs would drain him of his energy and time but never provide what we needed for our every growing family.

When Chris had the opportunity to buy a business, he jumped at it. He knew it would be a lot of work at first, but eventually he would be able to earn more as the owner and boss then he ever could as an employee. He leaped out of the boat and started to swim into uncharted waters with faith and excitement. It was true that we had failed many times before, but this time would be different!

It was about four months into owning the new business that we ran out of money. We knew that God had led us there, but we didn’t know how to move forward. I felt this amazing peace that everything would be just fine. I didn’t know how, but I knew that God did, so I could trust Him.

Chris, on the other hand, had to go into work each day and try to figure out how he was going to buy materials to make signs and how he was going to pay his employees to make the signs. On and on the troubles went day after day. The days turned into weeks, and no miraculous provision materialized. Things went from bad to worse.

I had seen Chris upset and discouraged before, but never like this. In his mind, he had failed. He had taken every resource we had and put it into this dream of a better life…and he had lost it all. The darkness surrounding him was so thick; I could hardly get through it. I could see that he was so tired of years of fighting and struggling, and his deepest heart’s desire was to just give up…on the business, on trying, on life. His father had left him before he was old enough to remember. Chris had vowed to himself that he would never leave his children fatherless. So he kept fighting although he had lost almost all hope. He kept going to work day after day, even though he felt it was useless.

He couldn’t see it, but I saw a miracle occurring. Instead of getting angry and trying to ease his pain with distractions, Chris became humble and quiet. He leaned into God. He went to church whenever he could, and I saw him worship God in the midst of his hopelessness!

One night we both went to church because they were offering personal prophecies. Boy, did we need a word from the Lord. Any type of encouragement would be a life-preserver! We sat down in the theater of our church and waited for one of the pastoral staff to come and pray for us. Anne Stock, a senior pastor, kneeled down to where we were sitting and began to pray. Her words were the very opposite of what Chris was expecting. He was feeling like the biggest loser and screw-up there ever was. Yet her prayer went something like this:

“God is enlarging you, showing you one more side. You are ready. He is showing you another dimension. Don’t be concerned. It is good. I pray for Grace to do this different and new thing. This is happening in your life right now is because He likes you! HE IS A STRANGE KIND OF BLESSER. You are going to make it through this fire not even smelling like smoke, because there is a 4^th man in the fire. The fire is only burning that which had you bound; only the things that kept you from being free. Your heart will come out unscathed. Strength!”

Chris was blown away. God actually liked him and was blessing him. Our struggles were not because he was destined to be a loser for the rest of his life. It was because God knew he was ready to face this new trial and be enlarged by it.

I watched Chris begin to trust God more like a good Father, the good father that he had never had. We looked on as God provided dramatic miracles to keep our business going, not just once, but twice! And we see God doing the small miracles, day by day as we go into our fourth year. We have lost the concern for our own lives. Whether we fail or succeed is not so important. Instead we are living to see the kingdom of God come to our little sphere of influence, however God wants to do it.

God is a strange kind of blesser! As I look back over my life, the worst of times have always been linked to the very best of times. When I was depressed or stressed or sick or so tired I couldn’t go on, that is when God met me and shook my world with His amazing words. Words that have healed me and shaped who I am. Words that I can offer to others to give them hope and meaning. God is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit (PS 34:18). What a blessing it is to have God so close! Anything that comes into your life, no matter how evil or heartbreaking, can be turned around for good. God can use absolutely anything to bless you!

If you look over the lives of famous history makers such a Joseph (in the Bible), Squanto, George Washington Carver, Corrie ten Boom, and even contemporaries such as Roland and Heidi Baker, you can see it! You can see the crushing trials and loss that God used to bring about great blessings, not just for them but for the entire world. If you are facing hard times, remember, your destiny is so great, so important, that God cannot leave you as you are. He knows that there is an amazing treasure inside of you. He knows that this trial will cause your roots to go deep down into His living waters.

He knows that you are in the process of growing so deep and so wide and so strong, that all the powers of hell and all the forces on earth couldn’t move you from God’s purposes. And in the midst of it all – His blessings overflow!

Birth Story: Part 7 – Let Your Heart Take Courage!

October 5, 2014 / Anne (Grace is my Superhero) / 2 Comments

In 2011 Chris began to ask God to give us a business. I also began to pray that in the right time, God would give us another sweet baby! In October of 2011, we were able to purchase a Signarama shop that was only a few blocks from our home. Being business owners turned out to be harder than we had ever imagined; pouring our blood, sweat, and tears into a venture that just seemed to devour all of our money. God continued to encourage us with Ps 27, “Be strong and let your heart take courage and wait for the Lord.”

In July of 2012, I discovered that I was pregnant. I was blissfully happy for a week! Then morning sickness began, worse than I had ever had before. To understand just how I felt, you can read a previous post of mine, “God Needs Me?” Chris and I had both received our heart’s desire from the LORD, and we were both very discouraged about it, because it wasn’t the glorious reality we had expected. We were more than discouraged…rather; we were depressed and wanting to give up on everything. Yet God kept giving us the same message every place we turned.

“Let your hearts take Courage!”

We found out that this baby was a boy, our sixth boy! I knew that Courage was the prefect name for him! Every time I talked to my baby boy, I was reminded to take Courage!

I had been reading the book, “Supernatural Childbirth” which describes one woman’s journey of praying and speaking out scriptures and promises from God and then experiencing no pain in childbirth! I started praying the prayers over myself and my baby, over and over again. I had a few specific requests for God. Number one; I didn’t want my water to break before labor. That had happened the last four times and that had been quite enough to me. It would happen at night, and then I would be so nervous or excited about the impending labor that I couldn’t get any sleep. I wanted a good night sleep before this labor, I decided! Number two; I didn’t want any after-contractions. After my last labor, they had been so painful for two days, stripping me of the joy of new motherhood. Number three; I wanted a fast, easy, early, and pain-free home-birth. Not too much to ask.

Three weeks before my due date, I felt my water break. I was rather confused, because I really thought that God would honor my prayers and keep my waters intact. Still, I was excited to have Courage early, and I notified friends and family to pray. An entire day went by and no labor had started. Day two passed and I was beside myself with worry. I wanted an uncomplicated home birth, but I thought that now I would have to go to the hospital to be induced. Surely the midwife wouldn’t let me go much longer.

Mary, the midwife, arrived at my house that second day to see how I was doing. After a quick exam, she declared that my water had NOT broken after all! My cervix was completely closed, and I had no fluid leaking out. It was the outer bag that had broken, but the inner bag was still intact. I had no idea that there were two bags! Instantly my fear dissolved and I was at peace again. My water had not broken! I could safely stay pregnant for few more weeks!

I was actually happy to wait for labor to begin. Courage was sitting so low, at +1 station, as though at any moment he could just slip out! I was incredibly uncomfortable, but I was still at peace.
On March 8th, I felt a contraction while in bed and noticed that it was 1:11am. I would normally have Braxton-Hicks during the night, but they hardly ever woke me up. The rest of the night I slept very soundly, having dreams of contractions. Early in the morning, my four year old padded over to my side of the bed. I got up with him and snuggled in the first light of dawn. I kept feeling contractions, but they were so mild and irregular. I spent the morning doing all the regular chores, sitting on the birthing ball whenever I could. I was hesitant to tell anyone that I thought I was in labor, since my last announcement had been a false alarm.

Finally at 10am I called Chris and asked him to come home from work. I was feeling too distracted to take care of things at home by myself, but I still wasn’t convinced that I was in labor. Chris arrived home within minutes, and he found me rocking on the birthing ball and shivering under a few layers of clothes. I was not in any pain, but Chris immediately recognized the tell-tale signs that labor had arrived. He called the midwife, and Mary’s helper, Shirley showed up in no time flat. She was a plainly dressed, kind-faced woman who immediately started preparing warm compresses. When she told me that she had given birth to 12 children, I knew I was in good hands.

Mary arrived to our home around 11am, and she started getting set up in our bed room. She checked my cervix and informed me that I was 9-10 cm, all the way there!

“We just need to wait for you to feel the urge to push. The baby is at +2 station so it won’t take long for him to be born.”

Wow! I hadn’t even been sure that this was really labor, and Mary just told me that the baby would be born soon!

The contractions started to become uncomfortable and then downright painful. All my normal positions didn’t bring the expected relief. Mary could see that I was very tired and suggested that I try lying in the bed on my side.

“I just don’t think that position will be comfortable when I have a contraction,” I replied.

“I don’t think any position is going to be very comfortable at this point,” she said.

I agreed to try. I lay down on my side. Immediately, Shirley was packing pillows and warm compresses all around my heavy and burdened body which was now trembling. She would massage and apply pressure at just the right time in just the right place without ever being told.

I had never given birth like this, and I just couldn’t believe that it would work, without gravity to help. Mary assured me that the baby would come right out, but I just didn’t believe her. Yet I felt so tired that all I could do was lay there.

I thought, “This is going to take a while!”

Fear began to try to take hold of my mind. I prayed, “Jesus, you are going to have to give birth to this baby because I don’t think I can.”

He assured me that he would. I closed my eyes and imagined myself snuggled in the arms of Jesus.

“I might need to push.” I said.

“Great,” Mary said as she held up my top leg. After a few light pushes, I heard a loud SPLASH! SLAT! I opened my eyes to see that Mary and Chris were all wet. They were commenting on how the water had burst all over them, the bed, and splashed unto the floor.

“Is the baby out?” I asked.

“No, that was just your bag of waters. But he is right there!” Mary answered.

One more push and Courage slid out so easily onto the bed! Mary scooped him up, bundled him, and placed him in my arms. He settled peacefully in my embrace and promptly started sucking his fist. I was tired but completely and totally happy! Our Courage had arrived so quickly and easily, although not totally pain-free. But the biggest answer to prayer I would experience every moment for the next few days. I could enjoy my newborn without any after-contractions! It felt like a miracle to me, and God had honored my requests!

What had started as a very discouraging time in our lives had ended in a beautiful birth of a beautiful boy. The business that kept Chris busy at least 60 hours a week was still teetering on the verge of failure. Yet as we watched our Courage grow bigger and stronger, our courage and faith in God grew as well.

Courage is wearing his Signarama shirt!

He never let us go without food, and He never stopped sustaining our business in amazing nd miraculous ways. Signarama is still growing and improving, making signs for the greater Harrisburg area. And we are still daily reminding ourselves of God’s good words.
Let Your Heart Take Courage!

Birth Story: Part 6 – Calvin, the One Who Brought the Angels!

August 29, 2014 / Anne (Grace is my Superhero) / 4 Comments

Two years after Cooper was born, the time had come for me to give birth again. Once again, my water broke during the night. I went to the bathroom and returned to bed to try to get some sleep before the contractions started. As I rolled over, I caught a glimpse of the shadowy corner of our bedroom. There was something unusual about it. A vision flashed into my mind, and I saw angels packed into our small room. There were so many angels in that dark corner that their wings were smashed and flatten into each other. The air felt electric with excitement! I realized that the angels had come to witness the birth of a human child, a child of destiny and purpose, a child who carried the very likeness of the Almighty God. I had the sense that almost nothing could thrill an angel more that witnessing the birth of such a one.

Well, I was filled with excited anticipation as well! If the angels were already here, the baby must be coming soon! How could I sleep under circumstances such as these? This labor must be destined to be the most supernatural and glorious one yet! I had heard of the book, Supernatural Childbirth, which told of women who had birthed babies with NO PAIN at all!!! I had personally met three women with virtually pain-free experiences, and I was convinced that this was possible. Perhaps this was my time for a supernatural labor!

The sun rose and I got up to eat breakfast. Slowly the rest of the world began to awaken as well. It was Father’s Day and the summer solstice and the longest day of sunlight of the entire year. I whispered into Chris’ ear to wake him up, “Happy Father’s Day. We are going to have a baby today!”

His eyes snapped open in shock and wonder.

“Really?!”

“Yep, my water broke!”

We walked around the block many times that morning in the beautiful June air. I was hoping that this baby could be born before noon so we could announce it to our friends before church let out. Yet the walking didn’t do much to bring the contractions, it just wore me out. By the time I got into the birthing pool in our bedroom, I was pretty tired. My normal position of kneeling in the water with my upper body leaning on the edge of the pool was no longer comfortable. My joints were all sore and my legs were trembling. Sitting in the pool wasn’t comfortable either. Lunch time came and went.

Finally, I just had to stand up in the water. All that remained submerged were my feet and calves, but nothing else felt good. I continued to watch the clock as the hours inched by. Never watch the clock when you are in labor! Bad Idea!

“Come on Baby! It is time to come out now!” I said in exhaustion. “Why is this baby taking so long?” I asked Chris and the midwife and anyone else who was present. I sounded very pitiful and whiny. This labor felt like a struggle. I was weary and in pain and the baby didn’t seem any closer to being born.

Struggle…that was a word that had perfectly described the entire pregnancy. I had felt sick and tired most of the time. I struggled to take care of the six children and keep the house running. Chris was struggling to keep his faith. He was working two jobs to pay off the huge burden of debt we had created during our time in Colorado. He was a diligent and hard worker at any job that he had. Yet still, many times we weren’t sure how we were going to buy food that week or keep the water running.

God had given me a name for this child that I had taken to be a prophetic word for our family. It was Ayani, a name from Africa which meant, “Victorious in the Struggle!” I was sure that this baby was a girl since all our girls had names that began with the letter “A.” Somehow God always provided everything that we needed and I knew that we would be victorious in paying off this debt. And sure enough, God had made it possible to pay of every cent of it…just three days ago! I knew that I would be victorious and eventually give birth to this baby…but right now it was a struggle!

Pretty soon I felt like I could no longer stand up, but I didn’t want to lie down. Chris plunged his feet into the birthing pool, put his strong arms around me, and held me up. I don’t know how long he did this, but it felt like an eternity! It was now supper time.

Finally I felt like I might need to push. Sure enough, there was the head! Oh Glory!!! A few more pushes and the head was born. I could hear the midwife instruct Chris on how to gently rotate the body in order to allow the shoulder to clear. Yet nothing was happening.

“Can’t you just pull her out?” I whined.

“You have to push,” the midwife said sweetly.

Yes, of course I had to push. My seventh baby and I had forgotten to push! One more push and the baby was born at 5:34! A healthy baby…boy!!! I couldn’t believe it was another boy!

He let out the tiniest cry and promptly fell back to sleep. He slept soundly for the rest of the day as the midwives where cleaning him and weighing him, as we were holding him and fawning over him. Chris was concerned.

“Are you sure he is alright? Shouldn’t he be crying?” he asked.

“Oh, he is fine,” they answered. He was such a peaceful baby. I had spent hours reading scriptures and loving affirmations to this baby while he was in the womb. I think this was why he was so tranquil. He felt totally loved and accepted by his God, his parents, and his world despite the turmoil that was all around him.

“That is why you took so long to be born,” I thought. “You were sleeping peacefully the whole time!”

The next two days were very difficult for me. I was shocked that I had given birth to a boy. I thought God had spoken to me about the perfect name, and it was a girl’s name. I felt confused and wondered if I could hear God’s voice at all. I was so wiped out, that I didn’t leave my room for two days. I was tired deep in my bones, yet after-contractions racked my body every time the precious bundle would nurse, which was all the time! I had never had such painful after-contractions. They were much worse than labor, because they would go on and on and on…for days!

On the third day they began to subside. One the third day we also settled on a name for our prefect baby boy. The name that I thought was a girl’s name, Ayani, was actually masculine and we choose a variant of the name for his middle name, Ajani. We were victorious in the struggle! We chose Calvin for his first name because that had always been a favorite of ours. I realized that God had spoken to me about this child and his name; I just misunderstood some of it. Just when we think that we have our lives figured out, something unexpected happens. This is good for us, because it keeps us looking to God and not to our own understanding.

It wasn’t until days later that I remembered the angels! They had been there the whole time, I was sure of it. They had seen my pitiful performance which was neither glorious nor supernatural. And in the midst of my arduous toil, I had completely forgotten about my divine audience. I felt pathetic and disappointing. I hadn’t experienced supernatural childbirth.

Yet God began to show me that Calvin’s birth was supernatural and majestic. It had been held in awe by angelic beings, even though I had been totally unaware of the honor.

I thought of the most amazing and supernatural event of all time; when Jesus hung on the cross; naked and shamed, beaten and bloodied, rejected and despised. It didn’t seem supernatural or triumphant. Yet it changed the entire working of the universe. Jesus triumphed over sin and death once and for all in those agonizing moments before his death. AND IT WAS GLORIOUS!!!!

Birthing a baby can be…shall we say, embarrassing, awkward, and humiliating to put it very mildly. A woman can find herself almost naked, not looking her best (maybe looking her worst), doing and saying things she would never normally do or say. She is being poked, prodded, stressed, and stretched in her most private parts. Yet God calls it beautiful and sacred. Birthing mother…you are stunning and graceful. You are veiled and guarded with glory.

Birth is always a promise that the work of Jesus can be manifested in another life.

Mother, you make that promise possible. Birth is always a miracle, whether it is full of bliss or full of pain. It is a wonder, and angels never tire of the mystery.

Birth Story: Part 5 – Cooper, “The Barrel Maker” What does that Even Mean?

August 27, 2014 / Anne (Grace is my Superhero) / 2 Comments

My sixth pregnancy progressed like all the others. Yet, something was different. This was our first child who would be born to us in Pennsylvania, the land of our inheritance. Miraculous events surrounded this child as God gave us a house worth two times what we could afford, a house we just adored. I wrote about these amazing events in a previous article, “My Adventurous Husband with the Crazy, Impossible Dreams Might Just be Right!”

I thought that this baby was a boy, although I didn’t know for sure. Chris picked out his first name, “Cooper.” Our oldest son came up with the name “Yale” for the middle name. Put the two names together and you get a name that means, “Barrel Maker from the Hill.” That sounded like a silly name to me. I love selecting strong, amazing, and prophetic names to inspire me through the long, tiresome months of pregnancy. “Barrel Maker from the Hill” did nothing for me.

“What does that even mean?” I asked God.

“I’m so glad you asked,” God answered. “You are now in the land of your inheritance. That means that you will be receiving lots of blessings, resources, influence, and gifts of the Holy Spirit – more than you can imagine. You are going to need lots and lots of vessels (barrels) to hold all of the blessings I have for you. This child will have an important role in containing and stewarding those blessings. “From the Hill” is from Life Center, your church, which is on a hill. The freedom and love that is represented at Life Center is this child’s birthright. You and Chris have had to battle and fight your way into that freedom. This child will live in it right from the start.”

Wow! That was a powerful name after all!

Cooper’s labor was very similar to Chai’s. My water broke the night before. Contractions started slowly in the morning. We took a tour of our new house (which we had not yet moved into) to try and speed things up. By the time we were returning to our rental home, my contractions were quite intense. I took my place in the warm birthing pool. The contractions were much more painful than with Chai, yet I was able to thank God and praise Him for them. I had never done that before!

Also, I began to speak to the baby. Our church had introduced us to a class called, “Blessing Babies in the Womb.” We hadn’t been able to take the class, but we were beginning to understand that babies have spirits that are alive and active just like adults. Their spirits perceive words, emotions, and circumstances happening around them. Their spirits and bodies submit and work during labor, similar to how a woman’s spirit and body have to submit to the pain and work to bring the baby forth. In fact, mom and baby need to work together in harmony.

So I began doing something I had never done during labor. I began talking to the baby. After a contraction I would say, “Good job, Baby! That was great! Keep coming down. Get into the right position. Don’t be afraid. This is going to be wonderful! I can’t wait to see you! You are doing great! I love you!”

Cooper was born right around lunch time with his little hand up on his head. The midwife said that this normally slows a baby’s entrance into the world, but it didn’t seem to delay Cooper at all! I was so pleased with my little Barrel Maker, and my life was overflowing with blessings!

Birth Story: Part 4 – Chai, the One Who Brought Redemption!

August 21, 2014 / Anne (Grace is my Superhero) / 2 Comments

I was pregnant with number five, and I knew I needed to try something different! I had gained enough hospital experiences to last me the rest of my life. I would have been happy to never return.

Ashlyn, who was now 18 months, was a developmentally delayed because of a rare chromosomal abnormality. She was surprisingly healthy and incredibly happy…except when we visited any doctor’s office. They she cried and screamed inconsolably. She had had her fill of hospitals and doctors as well! How different things would have been for her if I would have had the courage to try a home birth.

But this time I was ready! I read and studied. All my research concluded the same thing. Every study ever done comparing hospital births to home-births (assisted by a trained midwife) revealed that home-births were safer! Home-birth labors were faster, less painful and required less intervention. There were fewer chances for infection, injury, and death for both mother and baby. I interviewed the home-birth midwives in Colorado Springs. I found a very experienced midwife named Merrie who I just loved. She thoroughly enjoyed what she did for a living, and she put me at ease. I asked Merrie about what would happen if we had another child like Ashlyn. The doctors had told us that it was a possibility. She was just fine with it and reassured us that she was trained to transport us to the hospital at the very first sign of problems.

The pregnancy began with a bit of fear and trepidation. What if this child was born with problems? I would recognize Ashlyn’s distinctive features as soon as the child was born. I imagined what I would feel; looking into the eyes of another “special” child and wondering if I would be able to handle the strain of it all. Ashlyn was still like a baby. She did not yet sit up or crawl, although she had started to scoot herself around on her belly in a funny one-legged pattern. Who knew what the future held for her? Yet, her smile brought so much joy, her sweet spirit ministered to me. I knew I wouldn’t trade her for the world! She was the perfect baby for me! I didn’t know how her life would unfold, but God did, and He said it was good! I realized that even if this unborn child had problems, I would love him or her just as much!

Slowly and steadily, as the baby grew in my belly, so did my peace and trust in God. I knew that having a home-birth was the right decision. I knew that this baby would be fine. We found out that the baby was a boy, and Chris and I searched for a name that would bring redemption to all of the problems that Ashlyn had been having. We chose Chai Erik which meant, “Healthy and Powerful!” Every time called him by his name, we were prophesying to him that he was healthy and powerful!

If you read my last post, Birth Story: Part 3, you will remember our bad church situation. When Ashlyn was four months old, our family was kicked out of that church. It was the best thing that could have happened to us! We were now being reunited with truth and love and had rediscovered the joy of our salvation! We also realized that where we really wanted to live was back in our hometown in Pennsylvania. Life Center, the church we had grown up in and had been married in, wanted to hire Chris! God was working out all the amazing details for us to move back home! We were full of deep, deep gratitude!

Three and a half weeks before my due date, Life Center flew Chris out to Pennsylvania for the final interview. He was having a wonderful time reconnecting with dear friends. I was at home taking care of four young children and throwing up every few hours with contractions that tightened my very huge belly! The ladies at Life Center thought I was going into labor! I reassured them that it was only a stomach bug. I had never thrown up in labor before, and I wasn’t going to start now!

Chris returned home the next day and I was feeling better! We were so excited about packing and moving across the country to our new lives! We just had to wait for this baby to be born.

We didn’t have to wait long. The very next night around two in the morning, I rolled over in bed and my water broke. At first a wave of fear washed over me. This was how it had all started with Ahslyn. First my water had broken, then no contractions, then the hospital, then lots of rude people, then Pitocin, then birth defects, then…on and on my mind churned. What if this labor was like the last time? I tried to get some sleep, but I couldn’t. When the sun rose, I quietly got out of bed and sat at the kitchen table with my Bible and notebook.

“OK God, I really need to hear your voice now. I do not want to listen to the voice of fear,” I prayed.

God put verses Isaiah 66:7-9 into my mind. I looked them up and as I read, peace and joy washed over my spirit in healing waves. I couldn’t hold back my worship and love for this God who had just given me the best verses that any pregnant woman could ever hope to receive!

“Before she goes into labor, she gives birth; before the pains come upon her, she delivers a son. Who has ever heard of such a thing? Who has ever seen such things? Can a country be born in a day or a nation be brought forth in a moment? Yet no sooner is Zion in labor than she gives birth to her children. ‘Do I bring to the moment of birth and not give delivery?’ says the LORD.”

God spoke to the very depth of my fears; that labor wouldn’t start for days and this baby wouldn’t be born. Yet God was saying that he would be born in a day and that I would give birth before the pains came upon me! I was so relieved and thankful!

Then I became a bit agitated. This baby was coming fast and nothing was ready! Chris was still sleeping; the birthing pool wasn’t set up; the midwife wasn’t there. I started having contractions, and I woke Chris up.

“I think we need to set up the birthing pool!” I said. He seemed to take his good old time! He didn’t feel the same urgency that I did. When I was having contractions about every five minutes, we called Merrie to come over. She arrived with another midwife. I slipped into the warm birthing pool which was really just a kiddie pool with brightly colored fish decorating the sides. I was so comfortable that my contractions completely stopped.

“I am in no hurry. I will stay here for as long as it takes,” Merrie said. “Although, you do need to have contractions if you want to have a baby. I have a homeopathic remedy that could start the contractions coming more regularly, if you want it.”

I said that would be great. It was a tiny dose of minuscule white pills. Sure enough, soon those contractions were coming again. The pain was not bad at all, but I was feeling it in my back. Pretty soon I had gotten onto my knees to lean over the side of the pool. Merrie applied pressure to my back with every contraction and that helped immensely.

“I have a feeling that the back pain is being cause by the baby flipped in the wrong direction,” Mary said. “I think if he turns, he will come right out! I have another homeopathic remedy that will turn the baby, but if he is in the correct position now, it won’t change that.”

I took it and a short time later I felt a very funny flipping and flopping feeling inside of me. He turned! Because the pain was so minimal, I was aware of the baby descending into the birth canal. I knew he was coming soon! Chris was casually taking orders for lunch. He was planning on running out to pick up some Chinese food and eating lunch before the baby was born.

“Chris you don’t have time for that. He is coming! I think he is coming now!”

Merrie asked Chris if he wanted to catch the precious bundle.

“Sure!’ Chris said as he knelt on the floor and leaned over the birthing pool. Chai came sliding into the world under the water and into Chris’ waiting hands. It was 11:55am and we were looking at a perfect, beautiful, and normal baby boy!

I sat in the warm water and held him close. We were so cozy and comfortable that we remained in the water for another half an hour and made our excited announcement calls to friends and family.

Finally we both got dried off and transferred to my bed. I felt so incredibly happy and comfortable. I wasn’t even bothered by those pesky after-contractions that had hurt so much the previous times.

God words had proven true! My greatest fears had not been manifested. In fact, just the opposite had been true! I understood that just as God had brought this baby forth so easily, He would also bring us into our promised land. It would be His grace and His favor that would bring us into the new lives we were longing and yearning for with all of our hearts! He had brought us redemption!

Endless Ocean

August 8, 2014August 11, 2014 / Anne (Grace is my Superhero) / 2 Comments

I have been listening to a CD called “On The Shores” by Jonathan David and Melissa Helser. One song in particular, “Endless Ocean”, has captured my imagination. Click here to listen to this beautiful song. Better yet, listen to it while you are reading this article to get the full affect!

The words are captivating and mind boggling.

“In the beginning, You were singing

In the end You’ll still be, singing over me

In this moment, You’re right beside me

You’re everywhere, You’re in the air that I breathe

You are an endless ocean

A bottomless sea

In my sin, You kept loving

There’s no end to Your forgiveness, and mercy

Every morning, You keep coming

Waves of Your affection, keep washing over me

All those angels, they are swimming

In this ocean and they still can find no shore

Day and Night, night and day

They keep seeing new sides of Your face

There’s no end to the affection, You have for me”

You have probably heard the saying, “If God was small enough to fit inside of our brains, He wouldn’t be big enough for our problems.”

I had a teacher at YWAM who loved to teach about the limitless intelligence of God. He was fond of saying with a smile on his face, “I think I’ll trust God because He is much smarted that I am. In fact, His intelligence fills the entire universe, which is always expanding. And you know, my brain is so small that it actually fits inside my head!”

I have begun to encounter the God whose thoughts are higher than my thoughts, who is never limited by time or resources. He is the God who can actually create something out of nothing. Time and again He has revealed some dazzling truth to my heart, something that before that moment of revelation had been a non-reality to me. So many times I stood face to face with impossible circumstances, yet found the faith to pray. So many times I saw God do something that had NEVER, EVER entered my little mind and probably NEVER would have entered my little mind in a hundred years.

I heard a preacher once who said, “Every verse in the Bible is pregnant with divine meaning.” I love that imagery. We can read a scripture and our mind in renewed. We have something wonderful to think about. Yet that scripture is a seed that can grow and bear fruit again and again and again, forever. Ever have God descend upon you like a clap of thunder through a verse that you had memorized years ago and thought you already knew inside and out? Then He reveals some deeper meaning in that familiar verse, and your world is rocked to its foundations!

We will be eternally learning new things about God, discovering new truths, being undone by greater beauties, being thrilled by higher heights. Heaven will be full of adventure and explorations. Yet the adventure is not just for heaven, it is for now!

Thy Kingdom come, Thy will be done, on EARTH as it is in heaven.

This broken world is full of problems. The earth seems to be sick and dying because of the selfishness and shortsightedness of the very ones who were supposed to rule and steward it. Yet God has the answer to every one of those problems. His answers are found inside the hearts and minds and imaginations of His people. How will His people access these innovative and groundbreaking solutions? By continually beholding the One who is always showing new sides of His face. We can never reach the end of Him! We will never be bored by Him! It is true that we could never contain Him, that His presence will fill us until it is bubbling out all over the place. All the trials and struggles of this life are intended to stretch us and expand us so we can hold more of Him; so we can experience more of His endless affections towards us.

I have experienced more love and mercy from my God than I had ever dreamed existed. I have come to Him with a broken heart and a life in shambles because of my wrong choices and have heard Him say, “You are precious and honored in my sight, and I love you!”

He has lavished His love on me over and over, so much that it seemed almost inconceivable! Yes, my mind is officially blown. Yet I know that what I have experienced is merely the first rays of sun peaking over the horizon at dawn; merely a small wave lapping at the shore.