home school

Homeschool Evaluations Completed! Then Why do I Feel Like Such a Failure?

/ Anne (Grace is my Superhero) / 2 Comments

The end of this school year was awful!  It was not what I had wanted it to be, and I felt like a failure.

I was homeschooling two elementary students and my special needs daughter with my preschooler always present.  I also had a son catching the bus early to a private school, plus a middle schooler and a high schooler doing cyber at home, plus two adult children going in and out. 

                I love being home with my children and I enjoy homeschooling. I am thrilled to investigate new wonders or to travel to storybook worlds with my children. My joy is complete when they are thrilled right along with me!

                We started in the early summer, so we took our laid-back time.  We enjoyed field trips, reading books, and doing whatever we wanted. How I adored homeschooling then!

                In the fall we settled into a good routine with the Pledge of Allegiance, prayers, Bible reading, flashcards, workbooks, and reading out loud to each other. The children were excited to have new workbooks, and they worked happily beyond what I assigned each day.

                However, as the year went on, we got a little tired.  I should say that I felt exhausted, and the children felt bored.  We took a break from the normal routine for Christmas and studied Swedish customs, food, and Kristen, an American Girl from Sweden.  In early spring I took a week and a half off, hoping that I would regain my joy and strength.

                The problem was life kept on going with all the same errands and doctors’ appointments to attend to.  I love being at home with the children.  I despise giving up that time to get the necessary things done.  Somehow, I had scheduled more appointments than usual right before our evaluations this year.  Other events popped up and accomplishing days toward our required 180 became like feats of great strength.

                “It will be fine.  It always works out,” I kept telling myself. 

Still, I felt so overwhelmed that some moments I could hardly remember the next thing I should be accomplishing. A wild mob of other tasks were on my calendar and on my mind, taunting me ruthlessly.  Every time I had to leave the children with their workbooks to tackle another pressing concern, I felt like a failure.

                “This is not what homeschooling is about!” I would lament. “It is not about workbooks and crossing off days.  It is about a love for learning, a love for God and each other.”

                The love was growing cold.  I was stressed out and my children were noticing.  My children were not excited about school anymore and I was noticing.  Were they learning anything at all?  What about that travel video I wanted to watch with them that we never got to?  Had they remembered all the states in the US, or had they forgotten them already?  Annalise just flew through her 1 grade math, but why couldn’t she remember her addition facts?   Was school doing any good for Ashlyn as she remains at a preschool level year after year, or should I just graduate her already and admit defeat? 

                These questions were plaguing me one morning, about a week away from our evaluations.  I felt like a horrible teacher and a very un-fun mom.  Courage (who was completing 3rd grade) turned to me and said, “You’re the best mom ever!”

                He had been saying this a lot lately.  He had even taken up the habit of making it a song, “You’re the best mom ever!”  He would sing out raucous notes while bounding through the house.  I hadn’t given it much thought other than, “How am I supposed to think around here?”

                But just then I stopped and let the moment sink into me.  Courage truly thought I was the best mom ever.  He was sitting next to me smiling and hugging me ferociously, and I finally just relaxed and received it.

                I felt the Holy spirit Remind me, “You are not a failure.  Your children love you. And they love me. What could be more important than that?”

                As I began compiling all the homeschool logs and workbooks and writings and field trip pictures, I began to remember the joy again.

The Joy of exploring Virginia for the first time on vacation.

The joy of butterflies and kids’ games in the sunshine at Paulus Orchard.

The joy of listening to Dr. Dolittle on CD for the first time, and then the second, third, fourth….

The joy of learning about the ocean and then taking our very first family beach day.

The joy of celebrating Santa Lucia day with our own Annalise as Santa Lucia.

                I was still feeling nervous about the evaluation.  We really hadn’t accomplished very much in my mind.  No large projects or epic masterpieces.  But as our sweet, wonderful evaluator looked over our logs she said, “My, you have been busy this year, haven’t you?”

                It was a busy year!  But only what was done in love had any value.  As I look back, I can say that MOST was love.  Perhaps next year ALL can be love and joy! 

                I figure I have a month to soak in summer and God’s loving kindness before I need to plan and begin again.  Perhaps I will feel so refreshed that I will finally be able to write that article that was alive and active in me two years, “I was a Homeschool Dropout, what I learned that allowed me to begin again with joy.”

                Blessings to all you homeschool moms!  Your love and faith are never in vain, and you are not a failure!

Born on the Fourth of July

/ Anne (Grace is my Superhero) / 1 Comment

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My third child becomes a teenager today.  Cadin Christopher, “Confident Follower of Christ”, was born on the fourth of July with the shaggiest head of dark hair like his mom and the deepest brown eyes like his dad.

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He was a good and content baby.  He and his older brother and sister became a happy trio.

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They were always together, yet Cadin never felt compelled to do things the way they did things.  He had his own unique talents and tastes from the beginning.  When the other children were happily doing arts and crafts with Grandma, Cadin would be building a model.

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When Areli and Cole would be picking out bathrobes from the Disney Store, Cadin would want Power Ranger Pajamas instead.

He was a sweet and thoughtful boy, yet he had a power that could take you by surprise.  When Cadin was four years old, he and Dad were chasing each other around the house and rough housing as boys love to do.  His dark eyes were shining with joy and his chubby cheeks were bouncing with each step.  I was sitting at the kitchen table when I observed Dad run into the living room with Cadin on his heels.  I saw Cadin take a flying leap into the air right before the kitchen wall obstructed my view.  I heard the most incredible “Boom!” It was the sound I had always imagined when the Giant fell to the ground at the end of the Jack and the Beanstalk story.  I ran into the living room to see what had occurred.  Dad was on the floor laughing hysterically, and Cadin had his arms tightly wrapped around Dad’s legs.  Our four-year old had single-handedly tackled his father to the ground!

As Cadin grew, his eye for detail was incredible.  I would give him the special chores around the house, because I knew that he would do them properly.  He would place the pillows back on the sofas with the stripped pattern matching exactly.  He would put away the silverware with every large spoon and every small spoon in its perfect place.

He struggled with reading for years until suddenly in third grade he began to read everything in sight.  He would pick out special scriptures in the Bible and write them down in his notebook and read them to me.  I was very often encouraged by those words of truth that he had found intriguing.

Just this past school year, Cadin was a lifesaver for me!  I was tired most of the time from being pregnant.  I was still trying to homeschool Cadin and do therapy with my special needs daughter, Ashlyn.  All the other boys were in public school except for Cadin and Courage; the very loud, very demanding, and very active almost two-year old.  Cadin would watch Courage, follow him around, and take care of him almost all day long.  Cadin would even change his diaper and put him in his crib for nap, since Courage was too big for me to lift.  Most of the time Cadin carried out this duty with patience and a fun-loving attitude that Courage just loved.

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I have not yet successfully potty trained a child before the age of three. There might be hope for Courage, however, because Cadin has made this his personal mission. One day I simply suggested to Courage that he should try to go pee. Cadin appeared out of nowhere, scooped up little Courage and held him with one arm. With the other arm thrust out in front of him and pointing towards the upstairs bathroom, Cadin tore through the house at top speed yelling, “GO! GO! GO! This is not a drill!”  This time Courage was the little boy with the bouncing cheeks, loving every minute of this adventure in potty training.

Cadin would complete his homeschool assignment each day while Courage was playing with blocks or sleeping in his crib.  Cadin was very self-motivated.  He has always been a whiz at math, being a year ahead in his math curriculum.  He would organize numbers and solve math problems in ways I had never thought of.  He loves to read books with all sorts of science and history facts.  His joy of learning is evident as he tells me from memory how many feet long the Titanic had been or that a squid has 10 arms.

He has a good heart that wants to do what is right.  He will walk away from watching a TV show if he senses an inappropriate scene is coming.

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He has a fun-loving heart, full of songs for every occasion.

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He is sensitive yet strong; painfully shy at times yet confident.

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I cannot believe he is a teenage already.

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I cannot believe he is my teenager and how incredibly blessed I am to call him my son.