labor

The Naming of Aria Iolani

/ Anne (Grace is my Superhero) / 7 Comments

It was an early Sunday morning in July.  Most of the family was still in bed.  I was on the computer Googling “names meaning eagle” and hoping no one would come down the stairs and see what I was doing.

I felt rather silly, looking up baby names.  I was 41.  I already had 9 beautiful children.  I had no reason to think that I would ever be blessed with another one.  I would say from time to time, “I think I would like to have a baby in my 40s.”  My husband would always respond, “You’re crazy.”

I felt a little crazy just then, but I felt compelled to do it.  I just had to know what names were out there that meant “eagle.”  Over the past few years God had used many amazing encounters to convince me that I was meant to be an eagle.  I was beginning to let go of who I thought I was (a quiet girl who was deathly afraid of heights) and believe who God made me to be.

I found many names that fit the bill.  However, I needed an “A” name for a girl and a “C” name for a boy to follow the pattern of all our other children.  I could find no suitable boy name, try as I might!  A girl’s name struck me as though it were jumping off the computer screen .

Aria Iolani

 Aria:

Hebrew from Ariel – lion or lioness of God

Italian – air, melody

Sanskrit and Persian – noble, honorable

Teutonic – intelligence of an eagle

Iolani (ee-oh-lahn-ee):

Hawaiian – hawk of royalty, bird of heaven, to soar like an eagle

How perfect!  How beautiful!  A dream had been planted in my heart; a tiny seed carrying the perfect name. A dream that I would one day have a daughter who would bear this name.  A daughter who would have the vision and intelligence of an eagle.  A daughter who would know her identity from the womb. She would not have to live 40 years on the ground before it began to dawn on her…she was meant to FLY!

A few months later, in December, I found that I was pregnant.  The revelation came at a time I didn’t expect.  It didn’t seem like the right time for another baby.  But …perhaps this dream in my heart had been a dream in God’s heart all along.  Perhaps now was THE TIME!

My oldest daughter, Areli, loved the girl’s name I had found!  The boys did not like it, mostly because they wanted the baby to be a boy.  Chris liked the named “Aria” but wasn’t sure about “Iolani.”  It was too hard for him to remember and pronounce correctly, and he thought it would difficult for others as well.

I checked out a bunch of books from the library about Hawaii since Areli was planning on going there for school in the next year or so.  I discovered that there is an Iolani Palace in Hawaii, the only royal palace in the United States.  That settled it.  “Iolani” was THE middle name!

I was excited but told myself that this baby could easily be a boy.  Soon sickness and other pregnancy discomforts (that I had never experienced before) came upon me.  The dream of “Aria Iolani” was still a lovely thought, but it was overpowered by the thoughts of a victim pleading for release from her prison.  I understood that all that was going on in my spirit was being experienced by my baby’s spirit as well.  I tried to be thankful and upbeat.  I tried to speak over my baby love and peace and truth.  Half the time I doubted the truth myself.  That God really loved me and that someday I would feel good again.

Many fears started to plague my mind.  What if there was something wrong with this baby?  What if there was something wrong with my body?  And the worst fear of all, what if this child had a chromosomal abnormality like Ashlyn had?  I love Ashlyn and I am still amazed that God would trust us with such a special child.  Still, I always thought that having two special children would be absolutely too much to handle, and I would break under the strain of it.  With each pregnancy there has been a small chance, and each time this fear rears its ugly head.  This pregnancy the fear was worse than usual, almost suffocating me at times.

I didn’t go to church for two months.  Finally I was feeling well enough to go to a Sunday morning service.  As I entered the balcony of the sanctuary, I heard the Helsers leading worship.  I felt the sweet presence of God, and I longed to linger there forever!  They were singing, “Mt. Zion.”

We have come to Mount Zion

City of the living God

Heavenly Jerusalem

By his blood we have come

I felt God’s presence.  I felt peace and joy.  I felt safety and security.  The fears dissipated.  Hope started rising.  This is where I should have been living this whole time.  This is where I wanted my baby to live, even in the womb.  I felt sad that I had been such a bad mother so far.  I had tried to abide in the presence of God in my own home.  But most of the time I just felt sick and discouraged.

Here at church I could feel His presence, as though Mount Zion was a reality I was dwelling in. The song continued:

Thousands of angels dance around his throne

Thousands more sing out new songs

And elders throw their crowns down

As all of heaven sings out

 

“Baby, this is where you are to live all the time,” I told the precious little one.

                “I know, mama.”

I heard a sweet little girl’s voice say these words.  At least I thought it sounded like a girl. I knew it was my baby.  This was very unexpected and unusual.  It wasn’t said in a sassy voice as if to imply that I was being dumb for thinking my baby didn’t already know this.

It was said in a comforting voice as if to say, “Mama, you worry too much.  I am just fine.  I just recently came to you from heaven.  I could see those angels in person, and I can see them still.  I am still surrounded by His presence.”

I felt more at peace than I had in a long time.  My baby was more aware of spiritual realities than I was.  She was most definitely an amazing child.  I began to remember all the fears I had confronted during previous pregnancies.  One by one those fears had fallen by the wayside, replace by peace.  Almost across board just the opposite had proven to be true.

I didn’t need to worry about this baby’s health, well-being, or intelligence.  She (or possibly he, I had to remind myself) was extraordinary…a super baby!  She (or he) had just spoken to me from the womb for goodness sake!

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On March 30th we had an ultrasound that revealed a perfect and beautiful baby girl!  My dream was growing inside me.

Aria Iolani

About four weeks before my due date, Aria dropped.  She was sitting low and I was uncomfortable.

“At least she is head down and in the right position.  She is getting ready to be born, and it won’t be long now,” I thought.

Each week she dropped a little lower.  Each week I was more uncomfortable.  I kept having signs that labor was near, but no real labor would come.  The last week, each day felt exponentially worse than the day before.  My due date, August 16th came and went, and Aria became my first baby that was actually late.

Finally my water broke the night of August 17th.  The next day labor still had not started, but my homebirth midwife came over to check on me.  I was already dilated to 5 cm and Aria was at +3 station.  The midwife said that babies normally are not that low unless the mom was already in labor.  We both thought that once labor started, Aria would be born quickly.  We were wrong.

Labor finally began around 3pm on August 18th but it progressed very slowly.  I was listening to worship music, scriptures, and birth affirmations.  I was enjoying God’s presence.  He was speaking to me and showing me visions of Himself.   Before I knew it, it was evening.  I didn’t feel like I was in transition even though I was dilated to 10.

Then it got difficult.  I never really had a difficult labor, so it was a new experience.  Aria was so close to being born, yet she wasn’t being born!  I am sure it was difficult for her too, but her heart-rate remained steady.  Finally after an ambulance ride, an epidural, Pitocin, and some sleep; Aria supernaturally came into the outside world at 2:33 am on August 19, 2018.  I felt no pain and consciously did nothing at all.

I simply slept and prayed, “Jesus, you do this because I can’t.”

I woke up to the slightest bit of pressure.  My midwife looked under my covers to see that Aria’s head was crowning!

She was born quickly and placed in my arms.  The rest of the room faded away.  There was only my baby.

Aria Iolani

She was beautiful and peaceful.  I noticed her eyes first.  They were open wide and moving slowly back and forth, scanning and taking it all in.  To me they looked like the eyes of an eagle.

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She is now six weeks old.  Aria had not been as sleepy as my other newborns.  She is more alert and her eyes are always looking.

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The midwife saw her at three weeks and said, “She seems more like a 6 week old that a 3 week old.”  At 3 ½ weeks she began to really look at our faces and smile! The most adorable smile.

Not all is prefect of course.  My recovery had been much slower this time.  Aria finds it hard to just fall asleep, and she spends a good amount of time crying when she is tired.  She also had the worst case of thrush I have ever seen.  Then came the baby acne.

But when I nurse her and look at her baby face, I am so thankful for the chance to have her as a daughter, my 10th child.

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What a rare and precious jewel.  When I prayed for her during my difficult pregnancy, God showed me so clearly that Aria is vitally important – to this family, to this world, and to eternity.  She was not an extra baby or an optional baby.  She NEEDED to be here.  Just like every single baby ever to be conceived.

Of course to me Aria is amazing!  Brilliant, observant, and born to fly.

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Aria Iolani

A dream come true.

Birth Story: Part 7 – Let Your Heart Take Courage!

/ Anne (Grace is my Superhero) / 2 Comments

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In 2011 Chris began to ask God to give us a business. I also began to pray that in the right time, God would give us another sweet baby! In October of 2011, we were able to purchase a Signarama shop that was only a few blocks from our home. Being business owners turned out to be harder than we had ever imagined; pouring our blood, sweat, and tears into a venture that just seemed to devour all of our money. God continued to encourage us with Ps 27, “Be strong and let your heart take courage and wait for the Lord.”

In July of 2012, I discovered that I was pregnant. I was blissfully happy for a week! Then morning sickness began, worse than I had ever had before. To understand just how I felt, you can read a previous post of mine, “God Needs Me?” Chris and I had both received our heart’s desire from the LORD, and we were both very discouraged about it, because it wasn’t the glorious reality we had expected. We were more than discouraged…rather; we were depressed and wanting to give up on everything. Yet God kept giving us the same message every place we turned.

“Let your hearts take Courage!”

We found out that this baby was a boy, our sixth boy! I knew that Courage was the prefect name for him! Every time I talked to my baby boy, I was reminded to take Courage!

I had been reading the book, “Supernatural Childbirth” which describes one woman’s journey of praying and speaking out scriptures and promises from God and then experiencing no pain in childbirth! I started praying the prayers over myself and my baby, over and over again. I had a few specific requests for God. Number one; I didn’t want my water to break before labor. That had happened the last four times and that had been quite enough to me. It would happen at night, and then I would be so nervous or excited about the impending labor that I couldn’t get any sleep. I wanted a good night sleep before this labor, I decided! Number two; I didn’t want any after-contractions. After my last labor, they had been so painful for two days, stripping me of the joy of new motherhood. Number three; I wanted a fast, easy, early, and pain-free home-birth. Not too much to ask.

Three weeks before my due date, I felt my water break. I was rather confused, because I really thought that God would honor my prayers and keep my waters intact. Still, I was excited to have Courage early, and I notified friends and family to pray. An entire day went by and no labor had started. Day two passed and I was beside myself with worry. I wanted an uncomplicated home birth, but I thought that now I would have to go to the hospital to be induced. Surely the midwife wouldn’t let me go much longer.

Mary, the midwife, arrived at my house that second day to see how I was doing. After a quick exam, she declared that my water had NOT broken after all! My cervix was completely closed, and I had no fluid leaking out. It was the outer bag that had broken, but the inner bag was still intact. I had no idea that there were two bags! Instantly my fear dissolved and I was at peace again. My water had not broken! I could safely stay pregnant for few more weeks!

I was actually happy to wait for labor to begin. Courage was sitting so low, at +1 station, as though at any moment he could just slip out! I was incredibly uncomfortable, but I was still at peace.
On March 8th, I felt a contraction while in bed and noticed that it was 1:11am. I would normally have Braxton-Hicks during the night, but they hardly ever woke me up. The rest of the night I slept very soundly, having dreams of contractions. Early in the morning, my four year old padded over to my side of the bed. I got up with him and snuggled in the first light of dawn. I kept feeling contractions, but they were so mild and irregular. I spent the morning doing all the regular chores, sitting on the birthing ball whenever I could. I was hesitant to tell anyone that I thought I was in labor, since my last announcement had been a false alarm.

Finally at 10am I called Chris and asked him to come home from work. I was feeling too distracted to take care of things at home by myself, but I still wasn’t convinced that I was in labor. Chris arrived home within minutes, and he found me rocking on the birthing ball and shivering under a few layers of clothes. I was not in any pain, but Chris immediately recognized the tell-tale signs that labor had arrived. He called the midwife, and Mary’s helper, Shirley showed up in no time flat. She was a plainly dressed, kind-faced woman who immediately started preparing warm compresses. When she told me that she had given birth to 12 children, I knew I was in good hands.

Mary arrived to our home around 11am, and she started getting set up in our bed room. She checked my cervix and informed me that I was 9-10 cm, all the way there!

“We just need to wait for you to feel the urge to push. The baby is at +2 station so it won’t take long for him to be born.”

Wow! I hadn’t even been sure that this was really labor, and Mary just told me that the baby would be born soon!

The contractions started to become uncomfortable and then downright painful. All my normal positions didn’t bring the expected relief. Mary could see that I was very tired and suggested that I try lying in the bed on my side.

“I just don’t think that position will be comfortable when I have a contraction,” I replied.

“I don’t think any position is going to be very comfortable at this point,” she said.

I agreed to try. I lay down on my side. Immediately, Shirley was packing pillows and warm compresses all around my heavy and burdened body which was now trembling. She would massage and apply pressure at just the right time in just the right place without ever being told.

I had never given birth like this, and I just couldn’t believe that it would work, without gravity to help. Mary assured me that the baby would come right out, but I just didn’t believe her. Yet I felt so tired that all I could do was lay there.

I thought, “This is going to take a while!”

Fear began to try to take hold of my mind. I prayed, “Jesus, you are going to have to give birth to this baby because I don’t think I can.”

He assured me that he would. I closed my eyes and imagined myself snuggled in the arms of Jesus.

“I might need to push.” I said.

“Great,” Mary said as she held up my top leg. After a few light pushes, I heard a loud SPLASH! SLAT! I opened my eyes to see that Mary and Chris were all wet. They were commenting on how the water had burst all over them, the bed, and splashed unto the floor.

“Is the baby out?” I asked.

“No, that was just your bag of waters. But he is right there!” Mary answered.

One more push and Courage slid out so easily onto the bed! Mary scooped him up, bundled him, and placed him in my arms. He settled peacefully in my embrace and promptly started sucking his fist. I was tired but completely and totally happy! Our Courage had arrived so quickly and easily, although not totally pain-free. But the biggest answer to prayer I would experience every moment for the next few days. I could enjoy my newborn without any after-contractions! It felt like a miracle to me, and God had honored my requests!

What had started as a very discouraging time in our lives had ended in a beautiful birth of a beautiful boy. The business that kept Chris busy at least 60 hours a week was still teetering on the verge of failure. Yet as we watched our Courage grow bigger and stronger, our courage and faith in God grew as well.

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Courage is wearing his Signarama shirt!

He never let us go without food, and He never stopped sustaining our business in amazing nd miraculous ways. Signarama is still growing and improving, making signs for the greater Harrisburg area. And we are still daily reminding ourselves of God’s good words.
Let Your Heart Take Courage!

Birth Story: Part 5 – Cooper, “The Barrel Maker” What does that Even Mean?

/ Anne (Grace is my Superhero) / 2 Comments

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My sixth pregnancy progressed like all the others.  Yet, something was different.  This was our first child who would be born to us in Pennsylvania, the land of our inheritance.  Miraculous events surrounded this child as God gave us a house worth two times what we could afford, a house we just adored.  I wrote about these amazing events in a previous article, “My Adventurous Husband with the Crazy, Impossible Dreams Might Just be Right!” 

I thought that this baby was a boy, although I didn’t know for sure.  Chris picked out his first name, “Cooper.”  Our oldest son came up with the name “Yale” for the middle name.  Put the two names together and you get a name that means, “Barrel Maker from the Hill.”  That sounded like a silly name to me.  I love selecting strong, amazing, and prophetic names to inspire me through the long, tiresome months of pregnancy.  “Barrel Maker from the Hill” did nothing for me.

“What does that even mean?” I asked God.

“I’m so glad you asked,” God answered.  “You are now in the land of your inheritance.  That means that you will be receiving lots of blessings, resources, influence, and gifts of the Holy Spirit – more than you can imagine.  You are going to need lots and lots of vessels (barrels) to hold all of the blessings I have for you.  This child will have an important role in containing and stewarding those blessings.  “From the Hill” is from Life Center, your church, which is on a hill.  The freedom and love that is represented at Life Center is this child’s birthright.  You and Chris have had to battle and fight your way into that freedom.  This child will live in it right from the start.”

Wow!  That was a powerful name after all!

Cooper’s labor was very similar to Chai’s.  My water broke the night before.  Contractions started slowly in the morning.  We took a tour of our new house (which we had not yet moved into) to try and speed things up.  By the time we were returning to our rental home, my contractions were quite intense.  I took my place in the warm birthing pool.  The contractions were much more painful than with Chai, yet I was able to thank God and praise Him for them.  I had never done that before!

Also, I began to speak to the baby.  Our church had introduced us to a class called, “Blessing Babies in the Womb.”  We hadn’t been able to take the class, but we were beginning to understand that babies have spirits that are alive and active just like adults.  Their spirits perceive words, emotions, and circumstances happening around them.  Their spirits and bodies submit and work during labor, similar to how a woman’s spirit and body have to submit to the pain and work to bring the baby forth.  In fact, mom and baby need to work together in harmony.

So I began doing something I had never done during labor.  I began talking to the baby.  After a contraction I would say, “Good job, Baby!  That was great!  Keep coming down.  Get into the right position.  Don’t be afraid.  This is going to be wonderful!  I can’t wait to see you!  You are doing great!  I love you!”

Cooper was born right around lunch time with his little hand up on his head.  The midwife said that this normally slows a baby’s entrance into the world, but it didn’t seem to delay Cooper at all!  I was so pleased with my little Barrel Maker, and my life was overflowing with blessings!

Birth Story: Part 4 – Chai, the One Who Brought Redemption!

/ Anne (Grace is my Superhero) / 2 Comments

 

I was pregnant with number five, and I knew I needed to try something different!  I had gained enough hospital experiences to last me the rest of my life.  I would have been happy to never return.

Ashlyn, who was now 18 months, was a developmentally delayed because of a rare chromosomal abnormality.  She was surprisingly healthy and incredibly happy…except when we visited any doctor’s office.  They she cried and screamed inconsolably.  She had had her fill of hospitals and doctors as well!  How different things would have been for her if I would have had the courage to try a home birth.

But this time I was ready!  I read and studied. All my research concluded the same thing.  Every study ever done comparing hospital births to home-births (assisted by a trained midwife) revealed that home-births were safer!  Home-birth labors were faster, less painful and required less intervention.  There were fewer chances for infection, injury, and death for both mother and baby.  I interviewed the home-birth midwives in Colorado Springs.  I found a very experienced midwife named Merrie who I just loved.  She thoroughly enjoyed what she did for a living, and she put me at ease.  I asked Merrie about what would happen if we had another child like Ashlyn.  The doctors had told us that it was a possibility.  She was just fine with it and reassured us that she was trained to transport us to the hospital at the very first sign of problems.

The pregnancy began with a bit of fear and trepidation.  What if this child was born with problems?  I would recognize Ashlyn’s distinctive features as soon as the child was born.  I imagined what I would feel; looking into the eyes of another “special” child and wondering if I would be able to handle the strain of it all.  Ashlyn was still like a baby.  She did not yet sit up or crawl, although she had started to scoot herself around on her belly in a funny one-legged pattern. Who knew what the future held for her?  Yet, her smile brought so much joy, her sweet spirit ministered to me.  I knew I wouldn’t trade her for the world!  She was the perfect baby for me!  I didn’t know how her life would unfold, but God did, and He said it was good!  I realized that even if this unborn child had problems, I would love him or her just as much!

Slowly and steadily, as the baby grew in my belly, so did my peace and trust in God.  I knew that having a home-birth was the right decision.  I knew that this baby would be fine.  We found out that the baby was a boy, and Chris and I searched for a name that would bring redemption to all of the problems that Ashlyn had been having.  We chose Chai Erik which meant, “Healthy and Powerful!”  Every time called him by his name, we were prophesying to him that he was healthy and powerful!

If you read my last post, Birth Story: Part 3, you will remember our bad church situation.  When Ashlyn was four months old, our family was kicked out of that church.  It was the best thing that could have happened to us!  We were now being reunited with truth and love and had rediscovered the joy of our salvation!  We also realized that where we really wanted to live was back in our hometown in Pennsylvania.  Life Center, the church we had grown up in and had been married in, wanted to hire Chris!  God was working out all the amazing details for us to move back home!  We were full of deep, deep gratitude!

Three and a half weeks before my due date, Life Center flew Chris out to Pennsylvania for the final interview. He was having a wonderful time reconnecting with dear friends.  I was at home taking care of four young children and throwing up every few hours with contractions that tightened my very huge belly!  The ladies at Life Center thought I was going into labor!  I reassured them that it was only a stomach bug.  I had never thrown up in labor before, and I wasn’t going to start now!

Chris returned home the next day and I was feeling better!  We were so excited about packing and moving across the country to our new lives!  We just had to wait for this baby to be born.

We didn’t have to wait long.  The very next night around two in the morning, I rolled over in bed and my water broke.  At first a wave of fear washed over me.  This was how it had all started with Ahslyn.  First my water had broken, then no contractions, then the hospital, then lots of rude people, then Pitocin, then birth defects, then…on and on my mind churned.  What if this labor was like the last time?  I tried to get some sleep, but I couldn’t. When the sun rose, I quietly got out of bed and sat at the kitchen table with my Bible and notebook.

“OK God, I really need to hear your voice now.  I do not want to listen to the voice of fear,” I prayed.

God put verses Isaiah 66:7-9 into my mind.  I looked them up and as I read, peace and joy washed over my spirit in healing waves.  I couldn’t hold back my worship and love for this God who had just given me the best verses that any pregnant woman could ever hope to receive!

“Before she goes into labor, she gives birth; before the pains come upon her, she delivers a son.  Who has ever heard of such a thing?  Who has ever seen such things?  Can a country be born in a day or a nation be brought forth in a moment?  Yet no sooner is Zion in labor than she gives birth to her children. ‘Do I bring to the moment of birth and not give delivery?’ says the LORD.”

God spoke to the very depth of my fears; that labor wouldn’t start for days and this baby wouldn’t be born.  Yet God was saying that he would be born in a day and that I would give birth before the pains came upon me!  I was so relieved and thankful!

Then I became a bit agitated.  This baby was coming fast and nothing was ready!  Chris was still sleeping; the birthing pool wasn’t set up; the midwife wasn’t there.  I started having contractions, and I woke Chris up.

“I think we need to set up the birthing pool!” I said.  He seemed to take his good old time!  He didn’t feel the same urgency that I did.  When I was having contractions about every five minutes, we called Merrie to come over.  She arrived with another midwife.  I slipped into the warm birthing pool which was really just a kiddie pool with brightly colored fish decorating the sides.  I was so comfortable that my contractions completely stopped.

“I am in no hurry.  I will stay here for as long as it takes,” Merrie said. “Although, you do need to have contractions if you want to have a baby.  I have a homeopathic remedy that could start the contractions coming more regularly, if you want it.”

I said that would be great.  It was a tiny dose of minuscule white pills.  Sure enough, soon those contractions were coming again.  The pain was not bad at all, but I was feeling it in my back.  Pretty soon I had gotten onto my knees to lean over the side of the pool.  Merrie applied pressure to my back with every contraction and that helped immensely.

“I have a feeling that the back pain is being cause by the baby flipped in the wrong direction,” Mary said. “I think if he turns, he will come right out!  I have another homeopathic remedy that will turn the baby, but if he is in the correct position now, it won’t change that.”

I took it and a short time later I felt a very funny flipping and flopping feeling inside of me.  He turned!  Because the pain was so minimal, I was aware of the baby descending into the birth canal.  I knew he was coming soon!  Chris was casually taking orders for lunch.  He was planning on running out to pick up some Chinese food and eating lunch before the baby was born.

“Chris you don’t have time for that.  He is coming!  I think he is coming now!”

Merrie asked Chris if he wanted to catch the precious bundle.

“Sure!’ Chris said as he knelt on the floor and leaned over the birthing pool.  Chai came sliding into the world under the water and into Chris’ waiting hands.  It was 11:55am and we were looking at a perfect, beautiful, and normal baby boy!

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I sat in the warm water and held him close.  We were so cozy and comfortable that we remained in the water for another half an hour and made our excited announcement calls to friends and family.

Finally we both got dried off and transferred to my bed.  I felt so incredibly happy and comfortable.  I wasn’t even bothered by those pesky after-contractions that had hurt so much the previous times.

God words had proven true!  My greatest fears had not been manifested.  In fact, just the opposite had been true!  I understood that just as God had brought this baby forth so easily, He would also bring us into our promised land. It would be His grace and His favor that would bring us into the new lives we were longing and yearning for with all of our hearts!  He had brought us redemption!

Birth Story: Part 3 – Ashlyn, the One Who Changed Everything

/ Anne (Grace is my Superhero) / 5 Comments

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I was two weeks away from my due date. It was late at night, and I felt a strange gush.  I thought my water might have broken, but I wasn’t sure.  That had never happened to me before, except at the very end of labor. Labor had not even started, but perhaps it would start soon.

Then I thought back to my first birth when the doctor had broken my water when I was half way dilated.  How that had increased the pain!  And now my bag of waters was already broken before the first contraction had commenced. Would I have to go through this entire labor with intense pain?  Suddenly a tiny seed of fear took hold.  During that sleepless night, it sent out invasive roots into my mind that became intertwined with every thought.  I couldn’t relax or rest. I was too scared that any moment a contraction would come and assault my body with pain.  This may seem very strange if you are familiar with my wonderful previous birth experiences.  Why should I be so afraid this time?

My family had been living in an atmosphere of mounting fear for the past few years.  We had started going to a new church when we moved to Colorado Springs, 6 years earlier.  At first it was wonderful, full of life and joy.  Slowly it moved away from the love and forgiveness of God and had begun to concentrate on our personal sins.  To listen to our leaders counsel us and rebuke us time and time again, you would have thought we were teetering on the edge of hell.  One wrong move and…we were done for! Talk about an atmosphere of fear!

This of course does not sound like the gospel of Jesus Christ at all!  Yet there was just enough truth woven into the lies that we continued to try to reform ourselves and gain the approval of our leadership and of God.

Later I realized that I had always had God’s love and approval despite what my church was telling me.  God had even told us to leave the church.  He had given me a scripture that said, “Do not have sons and daughters in this place.”  At the time, I thought He meant that we should not give birth to this child in Colorado Springs, but rather in New York, where some of our church members lived.  We tried to move, but it never worked out.  We thought we had messed up somehow, but we weren’t sure how.  Months later, I read that verse in my journal and the meaning became so clear!  I shouldn’t have given birth while under this leadership of fear.  But right now I was still in the thick of it, and the panic was holding back the very thing that I most needed…contractions!

The sun rose and labor had not started.  I didn’t realize what sorrow was in store.  I had no indication that the child within me had a rare chromosomal abnormality that the doctors had never heard of.  I had no idea what trauma she would have to endure in the first two days of her life, and how it would hurt my mother’s heart. (This is another story for another time. But don’t worry; this story ends with God’s wonderful redemption, just like every story in the life of a believer.) Yet I had a feeling of impending doom.  I tried to shake it off.  I tried to find my peace in Jesus, but my mind just kept spinning in fearful circles.

After we ate lunch and there were still no signs of labor, Chris and I decided to go to the hospital.  The nurse we talked to said she needed to look at the fluid under a microscope, but I had none leaking out at the moment.  The nurse didn’t think my water had broken, and was inclined to send me home, but instead, sent me on a walk and told me to come back in about an hour so she could check again.

Chris and I strolled around downtown Colorado Springs. It was a lovely, sunny day in January, and we walked around the Olympic Training Center.  It was so beautiful, and I knew that I should be enjoying the time with my husband, yet my stomach was in knots.  I was hoping that the nurse would just send me home and I could go into labor on another day, a day free from this weight of worry.  Nervousness kept bubbling over until I started to cry.

Chris tried to comfort me as we entered the hospital again, but I didn’t feel any better. All that walking had released some amniotic fluid, and they confirmed that my water had broken.

“When did it break?” the red-haired midwife named Alice asked.

“Last night around 11,” I answered.  It was now getting close to supper time.

The red-head immediately snapped to attention and spoke with alarm.

“What?!  Your water has been broken for over 12 hours?  We need to start you on Pitocin right away. And we will have to give you intravenous antibiotics to ward off any infection.”

That is not what I thought a midwife would say.  I thought a midwife would have faith in a women’s body to do what it needed to do without artificial hormones.

I started to cry uncontrollably.  I was devastated.

“I don’t want Pitocin!”  I insisted.

“We have to do it.  We have to deliver this baby as soon as possible because we don’t want you or the baby to develop an infection.  But we will start the drip slowly.”

I was taken into a birthing room and hooked up to monitors and a Pitocin drip.  I couldn’t stop crying.  My dream of a natural birth was being taken from me.  I had talked to other women who had Pitocin, and their reports had included hard, heavy contractions with intense pain…in one word – torture.

The nurse looked at me with my snotty nose and puffy red eyes.  She seemed annoyed, as though she would rather not deal with me at all.

“We will give you one round of antibiotics now and another around midnight.”

“What if I have the baby before midnight?”

I had gotten on her last nerve!

“You are NOT going to have this baby before midnight,” she snapped.  “You are not even in active labor.  It takes lots of hard contractions to birth a baby.  You probably won’t even have this baby before morning.”

I should have realized that I knew a lot more about birthing babies than she did.  After all, I had already had three, natural, wonderful births.  In my fearful, emotional state, however, her words pushed me into depression.  I saw a night of agonizing pain in front of me and I saw no way out of it.  I wished that they could just do a C-section and be done with it.  I didn’t know how to labor under the influence of Pitocin!  I just wanted to die.  Death would be better than what I would have to go through.

“And if I do get through this alive,” I thought, “I am never having anymore babies!”

Chris could see that I was falling apart.

“You are so upset because you are not in control.  You just need to give up control and trust God!  God is in control, and it is going to be just fine,” he said.

A small flame of faith was lit in my heart.  I relaxed a little and tried my best to trust in God.  It was 5:40 and I was only at 4 cm.

Our friend Chris came to the hospital and brought my husband Chris some supper.  She encouraged me to fall into the arms of Jesus.

“Pray, ‘Whatever it takes, I will do it and trust you,” she said.

I prayed that prayer and surrendered.  I was starting to feel more peaceful.  Around 8pm the contractions started in earnest.  At first they were surprisingly painful.

“If it hurts this much when I am only 4 cm dilated, how will I make it when I am at 8 or 9 or 10?!” I asked Chris, despairing again.

“Don’t worry about that.  Just take them one at a time.”

My wise and loving husband got me back on track again!  I finally remembered to relax during each contraction.  I would lean over the bed and let my belly drop and hang loose.  I would relax my arms, then my legs, and finally my face muscles.  Instant relief!

The grumpy nurse had ended her shift, and she was replaced by a solemn and worried looking nurse.  This new nurse wanted me to get into bed so she could check my cervix.  I hated lying in a bed; it was so uncomfortable!  As soon as I lay down, however, I uttered to everyone’s amazement, “I have to push!”

I gave one push and the baby’s head was visible!  The midwife ran out to get Alice.  The midwife  ran in and said, “Wow, it was a good thing I didn’t go home for supper like I was planning on! Alright, let’s have this baby!”

I was able to quiet myself and hardly push at all.  It was like a moment in a movie when everything is in slow motion, and you are aware of every small detail.  I could feel her little head crowning and easing out so gently on her own, without much extra effort on my part.  And then she was born!  So quickly, so easily!  I was in awe!  Instantly the worry and fear gave way to relief, joy and overwhelming gratitude!  I had made wrong decisions.  I hadn’t trusted God.  I had descended into the depths of despair, and God had reached down and pulled me out!  And in His great mercy, He had given me a fast, smooth birth.  It was 8:20pm.  God had proven that grumpy nurse wrong!  I was holding my sweet little Ashlyn Autumn, “God’s Vision for the Harvest” and I was content!

I learned that fear is the enemy of labor, and Jesus is the enemy of fear.  Rest in Him!  Trust in Him!  He can always turn our nightmares into a sublime Vision of His Goodness!

 

 

Birth Story: Part 2 – Cole, the Easy One and Cadin, the Firecracker!

/ Anne (Grace is my Superhero) / 1 Comment

cole and cadin

I was watching my 17 month old girl play on the jungle gym while talking to my friend, Chris.

“So you can keep Areli for me while I am in the hospital?” I asked.

“Sure, we are looking forward to it.  We go to Mexico next week, but we will be back before your due date.  You don’t think you will go early, do you?” Chris asked.

“Oh, no,” I said. “My midwife says she thinks I will go to my due date or maybe after.  I think so too.”

When I found out that I was pregnant for the second time, I had returned to the same OBGYN.  I was pleasantly surprised to find that he now employed a midwife who he also happened to be married to.  They worked well together, even though she seemed much more naturally minded.

I was excited to have another baby, and I felt peaceful about waiting a few more weeks before I met the precious bundle and learned who was kicking in my belly.

Later that week, I began having Braxton Hicks contractions in the afternoon.  It couldn’t be labor yet, but that got me thinking.  I hadn’t even packed my bag for the hospital yet!  I waddled around the house to gather all the necessary supplies, up the stairs and down the stairs and then up the stairs again.  Every twenty minutes I was having a contraction. I called my midwife to let her know.  She told me that it probably wasn’t labor and that I should sit down, prop my feet up and drink a big glass of water.  As I was doing that, my husband, Chris, returned home from working at the Olive Garden.  We sat on the futon together as I gulped down water, and my contractions actually started coming faster!  We had to come up with a plan B babysitter for Areli since our friends were still in Mexico!

In a few short hours my midwife met us at the hospital and checked my progress.

“You are 5 cm already!  Looks like you ARE going to have a baby today, two weeks early!” she announced.

I was overjoyed!  I looked at the clock and it said 7:30pm.

I prayed, “Please Lord, let me have this baby before midnight!”

The contractions were beginning to feel more intense, so Chris helped me get set up in the shower stall with a birthing ball and a hand-held shower head.  I sat and pelvic tilted slowly on the ball.  I held the warm water right on my gigantic belly.  The intensity of the pain almost seemed to melt away and run down the shower drain.  I was so comfortable and so happy that Chris left the bathroom to continue watching the football game that he had started at home.  I was glad he could keep busy doing something he enjoyed.  Chris and men in general are usually a bit impatient.  I firmly believe that a woman midwife will be a much better support at a birth than a man doctor. I know that there are some amazing exceptions to that rule, but… men like to control and protect.  They like to take action and be proactive.  Labor is all about waiting, trusting, and letting your body and your baby do what they were created to do.

After an hour or so, Chris popped his head into the bathroom and asked how I was doing.

“Good,” I responded rather sleepily.  I was so relaxed! “How is the game?”

“It’s a good game, but I can’t believe you are asking me about football while you are in labor!”

Probably another hour went by and Chris was back.

“The midwife wants to check you.”

“OK, after the next contraction, I’ll come out.  I am just so comfortable here.”

I wanted to stay there forever, but I dried off and made my way to the hospital bed.  The midwife checked me and I was at 10 cm!  All of us were a bit shocked!  I had totally missed the fact that I was in transition because I was so incredibly happy in the shower!

I gave one good push.  Intensity!

“Jesus, help me!  Jesus Help me!” I called out.

I gave one more push and HE was born, our little Nobleman and Victory of the People, Cole Patric!

I looked at the clock and it was 10:35pm.  God sure answered my prayer with time to spare. I was blissful!

My midwife kissed me on the check and said, “That was a beautiful birth. You have babies so easily, you should have a dozen!”

“Well, we think we want at least six.”

Looking back years later, that was one of my easiest birth experiences.  My emotional state during each pregnancy has a lot to do with how labor goes.  This time I was very peaceful and relaxed.  When labor came early, it was a surprise gift I was more than happy to receive.  My mind and body were ready to let that oxytocin flow!

 

Cole was almost two when I was three weeks away from my due date with baby number three.  This time we knew he was a boy.  I was feeling very uncomfortable, and I thought the baby was sitting very low.  Since Cole was two weeks early, I thought that this baby would be early as well.  Maybe even three weeks early since he was so low already.  I started a bad habit that all extremely pregnant women should avoid.  Every morning I woke up thinking that this was THE day!  I would think every Braxton Hicks contraction was the beginning of labor and start timing.  I would hope and pray for labor to start, RIGHT NOW!  Chris would talk to my belly and tell the baby to come out NOW.  Every night that I would go to bed still pregnant, I was sad and disappointed.  I was becoming more uncomfortable and impatient with each passing day.  I didn’t realize it, but my body was becoming rather stressed and tense.

This went on for two weeks until I woke up at 4am with a strong contraction.  I couldn’t go back to sleep because they kept coming every 20 minutes.

“This really could be the day!” I thought excitedly.  Still, I didn’t want to wake Chris up and cause a fuss for no reason.  When he got up to get ready for work, he noticed that I was timing contractions.  As soon as he realized what was happening, he called his mom to come get Areli and Cole.

When Chris’ mom arrived, Areli and Cole were ready, but my contractions had completely stopped.  I felt awful for having Corrine take a day off of work and drive all the way to our house for a false alarm.  Corrine decided to take them home with her anyway.  Chris decided to go to work. I was home alone with nothing to do but read and wish that labor would start again.

The entire day passed with no more contractions.  Chris got home from work and announced that we should go out on a date since we didn’t have the children.  We went to one of my favorite restaurants, and wouldn’t you know it…contractions!  By the end of the meal, I was leaning over the table and breathing through them!

We got to the hospital at 10pm.  I got into the shower straight away and expected that same comfort I had received last time.  Only this time there was something wrong with the hospital’s hot water.  There was none, or only a trickle in between bursts of cold.  I was shivering uncontrollably, and miserable, yet I didn’t want to give up!

“You need to get out of there!” Chris told me as he gently forced me to dry off.  I got dressed again and sat down on the rocker.  This was definitely not as soothing as a warm shower, and I wasn’t happy about it.  The painful hours ticked by.  I noticed that Chris was dozing off in a chair on the other side of the room.

“Don’t go to sleep!  Don’t leave me!” I said, pitifully.

“I am just so tired, I can’t stay awake.”

“Yeah, but I have to push a baby out before I can go to sleep!”

It was the middle of the night.  My wished I could just forget all of this giving birth nonsense and just go to sleep!  Yet my body had other ideas, continuing the work of bringing the baby down into position.  I had to stand up and lean over the bed to get some relief.

All of a sudden an incredibly urge overpowered me.

“I need to push!” I said to the midwife on call, who happened to be standing right next to me at the moment.

“That’s alright.  You can start pushing standing up.”

I pushed and groaned and felt the head crowning!

“I feel his head!” I said even though I could barely talk through the intensity of the moment.

Chris was very afraid of our son smacking his tiny skull on the hospital floor and the midwife must not have wanted to lie down to deliver.  In a split second, the two of them flipped me up on the bed and I was pushing again.

“Wait, I’m not ready.” I heard the midwife say.  But it didn’t matter.  Cadin Christopher, our confident Follower of Christ, was born.  He burst into this world like a firecracker at 3:20 am on the Fourth of July!

cole and cadin 2

 

I Love a Good Birth Story: Part One – Areli Endura

/ Anne (Grace is my Superhero) / 2 Comments

I love hearing about the miraculous journey that brings a new baby into the world.  I adore talking with a mother of a newborn to hear her entire story.  I enjoy reading about births, and I must have watched about 30 episodes of “A Baby Story” on TV.  But 15 years ago, when it was time for me to give birth for the first time, I had none of these inspirational and informational stories under my belt.  I was young and rather clueless.

I got married at 20 and had my first baby at 23.  The birth of my first child was the first birth I had ever been to.  I didn’t have older sisters or close friends who had given birth to talk to, so I didn’t have many stories to draw information from.  My husband and I did attend a birthing class while I was pregnant, and I learned a lot.  They showed us a video of three births.  Wow!  Talk about graphic and horrific and wonderful all at the same time.  Still, I wasn’t scared to give birth.  I figured that women have been giving birth since time began and if they all could do it, I could do it too!  Many women have very easy labors, and maybe I would be one of them.  Maybe I wouldn’t even feel much pain at all!

I quit my job as a bank teller two weeks before my due date.  I spent those two weeks cleaning every inch of the house, taking walks, taking naps, and enjoying some alone time.  Finally, I had done everything I could think of to do, and waiting was all that was left as my due date came and went.

Chris and I snuggled on the futon for a three-hour movie that Saturday night.  I was getting Braxton Hicks contractions and Chris decided to time them.  They came every 20 minutes like clockwork throughout the entire movie.  We decided to try to get some sleep since the next day, we might be having baby!  I lay down and got comfy in bed, but I just couldn’t sleep.  Those contractions kept coming! We headed to the hospital at 3am.

We arrived to find that my doctor was the doctor on call that night.  I was thrilled, because I really liked him!  He said I was dilated 5 cm (only half way there), and without explaining or asking my permission, he pulled out something like a knitting needle and broke my water.  Experience has taught me to keep the bag of waters intact as long as possible.  Boy did the contractions become intense after that!

I sat in a rocking chair and just rested with my eyes closed.  When a contraction came, I felt like my entire body would cramp up, and I couldn’t relax it.  Chris encouraged me to try all the wonderful positions we had learned in birthing class to bring the baby down.  All of them made the pain worse!  So I resumed my post in the rocking chair as my mother-in-law and a dear friend of the family looked on.

The sun began to rise and the contractions started to come one right on top of another.  I never cried out, but sat as still and relaxed as possible, breathing slowly and deeply.

“Do you think you want to push?” asked my mother-in-law?

“I don’t know.” I said.  I really didn’t know anything about giving birth or pushing.  Now I could tell you that I was in transition and that the baby would be coming soon.  But at the time, I had no idea whether it was going to be 5 minutes or 5 hours until I was ready to push.

They called the doctor in and he confirmed that I was completely dilated and could start pushing.  He had me lay in the bed and push with every contraction for 1 hour and a half.  Most exhausting work I had ever done!  With subsequent births I have learned that it is best to wait to bear down until you really feel the urge, rather than start pushing with all your might as soon as your doctor gives you the go ahead.  I was unsure what the urge felt like, yet when it comes…whoa baby!!!  Heaven and earth couldn’t keep you from recognizing and obeying that powerful force.  Using gravity to help the baby descend is another great idea.  Standing, swatting, or kneeling are great positions!  When that baby is in just the right position, your body and the baby work together in a beautiful dance of spirit, hormones, and love.  It is glorious when you don’t even need those red-faced, blood vessel bursting efforts.  Without much exertion at all, your baby will slip from you quickly and peacefully.  But I am getting ahead of myself and telling a different birth story!

This time I didn’t know any of that, so I was in bed on my back pushing for a very long time.  The doctor gave me a local anesthesia and an episiotomy before the baby emerged.  Again, he did not explain or ask; he just did it.  I would recommend not doing those things and talking about it with your doctor beforehand.  The postpartum pain was 10 times worse and the recovery time was 10 times longer than with any of my other 7 births.

But I wasn’t even thinking about any of that at that moment!  No pain, no worries…just joy and excitement and bliss!

“It’s a girl!” I heard someone announce at 9:21am on Palm Sunday.

The precious dark-haired princess latched on right away and nursed for the next hour.  I was so happy and complete.  I was holding my Areli Endura, “Heroic Lioness of God with Endurance.”

My doctor visited me the next day.

“You had a wonderful, natural birth.  It was good for the nurses to see that.”

I marveled at his comment.  I thought my birth was pretty normal, but perhaps not, if the nurses were not used to witnessing a birth like mine.  I have since learned that most births do contain some interventions and medications that often lead to complications and other interventions.  As the years went by, I started collecting birth stories from other women and a common thread emerged.

PAIN!  Intense pain that would push the woman to submit to any procedure recommended in an effort to escape it.  This was a little curious to me.  Sure, I had experienced the worse pain I had ever felt in my entire life!  Yet I never felt like I couldn’t handle it, and the thought of medication never enter my mind.  Why?  I just don’t think I experienced the pain that most women do when giving birth.  But why, I kept asking myself.

Then I remembered a teaching tape I had listened to before I was ever married.  The preacher was talking about the verse in Genesis 3:16 that refers to “multiplied pain” in child-birth.  He said that it was a curse and that ALL curses were broken when Jesus became a curse and hung on that tree.  I could be free from the curse of multiplied pain in childbirth!  I prayed that prayer right then and there in my bedroom 4 years before I ever gave birth.

“Jesus, I thank you that you have taken every curse.  In your name I break the curse of multiplied pain in childbirth.  I will not believe the reports and stories that say that childbirth has to be excruciatingly painful!  I will give birth without multiplied pain!”

And it really did work, all those years later without me even actively thinking about it.  And guess what?  Jesus died to take every curse from you as well!  Pray that prayer, I dare you!

The first step to experiencing a natural birth with very little pain is to believe that it is possible! There are hundreds of factors that come into play to determine the outcome of labor.  Many of these factors we have no control over whatsoever. But God is in control of everything, and I am convinced that He meant childbirth to be an honor for a woman to participate in with overflowing joy!  Jesus suffered pain so that we would not have to.  And the pain that we do experience in pregnancy, labor, and motherhood can always be used by Him to bring forth something beautiful!

newborn Areli