It is Truly Delightful to Have a House Full of Boys

July 10, 2014 / Anne (Grace is my Superhero) / 9 Comments

Little boys give the BEST hugs, squeezing your neck so hard with their little chubby arms that you feel like you will burst with the sheer joy of it!

You get to observe how your husband must have looked like as a baby, toddler, and little boy, and it is an adorable sight to behold!

You have the opportunity to learn strange and bizarre facts about many topics including but not limited to exotic animals, superheroes, guns, the world of Redwall, policemen, comic books, history, wars, and heroes.

You are inspired by the intelligent engineering and creative design of the structures that rise and fall, both outside and inside your home.

You are happy that those pesky squirrels have to run for their lives when your boys show up with their home-made bows and arrows.

Boys are enthusiastic eaters! The messier they are, the more they enjoyed it.

Boys love to pick flowers for their moms. “Picking” is a term used loosely to mean stomped on, whacked down, crushed, pulled up by the roots, and then presented with pride to the object of their affection.

Moms, YOU are that object of affection! What could be better than that!

Boys love to follow their Dad around, learning everything that Dad knows.

Boys can lift some of the burden off of Dad as they take over jobs that they enjoy and take pride in, such as yard work and maintenance of the house and cars.

Boys grow into teenagers who are bigger and stronger than you are. They can help in a myriad of ways from carrying the groceries to building your dream home. I have not yet received a dream home from my boys, but I have read a story of a mother of 13 boys who did!

You get to experience all the joys of each stage of their development as described in Wild Things: the Art of Nurturing Boys.

The Explorer (age 2-4) active, aggressive, curious, self-determined

The Lover (age 5-8) tender, obedient, attached to dad, competitive

The Individual (ages 9-12) searching, evolving, experimenting, criticizing

The Wanderer (ages 13-17) when a boy becomes the worst version of himself. Ok, that part isn’t so great, but just wait until you read the next one.

The Warrior (ages 18-22) going from boy to man, finishing, reflective, searching, romantic

We get to watch the little boy grow into the strong and courageous warrior. That warrior will stand up for what is right and defend the weak. That warrior will be motivated by love in everything he does with an authority that comes from knowing his identity in God. A vision of that Warrior, no matter how distant he might be from your reality, will keep you saying, “It is truly delightful and wonderful to raise a houseful of boys!

Life with a House Full of Boys

July 7, 2014 / Anne (Grace is my Superhero) / 5 Comments

The pictures that you hung perfectly straight with a measuring tape and a level are always crooked.

Plastic frogs and lizards have found a home in your potted plants.

You find legos in every corner, sofa cushion, and pocket.

Nurf bullets are flying through the air at any time, night or day.

The furniture takes on the smell of stinky boy feet.

Even though they have been admonished to “Be Quiet!” during naptime, the herd of elephants still stampede through the house and up and down the stairs.

Screaming is a common sound, usually not even requiring a mother’s concerned attention.

Wrestling and pain and injuries are all part of the fun.

Food disappears, yet nobody knows where it went.

Mealtimes are a crazy event. (You might even end up with dirty underwear in your soup.)

Super heroes with varying special powers are flying around the house with their capes flapping in the breeze.

Sometimes the disregard for the law of gravity results in crutches.

You may see your toddler wielding a plastic firearm.

The boys might wake up covered in dust mite bites, because their room is so very…well, dusty; not to mention messy, dirty, unkempt, disheveled, and an all around disaster area.

Potty language is considered to be the highest form of humor.

You need your husband to constantly remind you to, “stop worrying, this is normal boy behavior.”

You have many interesting conversations that go something like this:

“Mom! Cooper ate a slug!”
“Is that true Cooper?” you ask, calmly.
“Yes!” Cooper replies with much joy on his animated face.
“Did you chew it or swallow it whole?” You are curious.
“He chewed it,” Cole answers.
“So what did it taste like?” you ask.
“Chocolate!” Cooper responds.
“Cooper, do you know why you shouldn’t have eaten that slug?”
“No…”
“Because I told you that you couldn’t have dessert tonight!” you reply with a smile on your face as you are thinking to yourself, “Boys!! I just love ’em!”

I could describe the perpetual state of your bathroom in a house full of boys…but I don’t want people to stop having little boys.

Crowning Jewel of All God’s Creation

July 5, 2014July 5, 2014 / Anne (Grace is my Superhero) / 4 Comments

I have seen the majestic beauty of Pike’s peak.

I have beheld massive waves pounding the shore.

I have walked in the morning mist of a tropical jungle.

I have experienced stunning architecture, hundreds of years old.

But never have I had a view as great as this.

The perfection of each tiny toenail,

the softness of his skin,

the engineering of his ever developing brain,

the shimmer of his auburn hair.

And when his eyes light up with joy and his cheeks burst forth in a dimply smile…the sun pales in comparison!

All the music of a thousand symphonies, here in my house.

All the wonders of the universe, here in my home!

How is it that I should be entrusted with the crowning jewel of all of God’s creation – my precious baby boy, Courage Justice!!!!?

God Needs Me?

July 5, 2014 / Anne (Grace is my Superhero) / 3 Comments

“He can do all things without us, but He had chosen to do them through us.” – The Call by Rick Joyner

I was pregnant with baby number eight. It had been three years since my last pregnancy, and I felt the strongest, the healthiest, the most alive I had ever felt! That was…until the morning sickness settled in. It was actually “all day but much worse in the evening sickness”. I had not felt horribly nauseous during my previous pregnancies, more like continuous car sickness. How I had wished I could stop the invisible car and just get out! I was optimistic that this pregnancy would be the exception, that I could say with a smile on my face and a twinkle in my eye, “I love being pregnant!”

Just the opposite had happened. I had never felt so bad! My days consisted of sitting on the sofa with my eyes closed, trying to feel better. My children ran around unattended. Home school, which we should have started a month ago, remained untouched. My older children did all the chores around the house and kept it running, though not as orderly or smoothly as I would have. My precious firstborn girl, Areli, carried an enormous burden. She heard my pitiful pleas all day long.

“Areli, could you make me some eggs?”

“Areli, could you fill up my water glass?”

“Areli, could you see who is crying upstairs, please?”

I tried to be a good mom; but mostly I whined, moaned, slept, felt sick, got sick, and slept some more. I felt useless and wretched. I knew theoretically that despite the weakened state of my body, my spirit could still soar high above my circumstances, like an eagle above the clouds. Yet, after days, weeks, and months of feeling crummy, my eagle had forgotten how to fly. My mind kept thinking about scriptures such as

“For our present troubles are small and won’t last very long. Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever!” 2 Cor 4:17

I knew that it was true, but it didn’t help me feel any better.

I thought about my joy in a newborn baby and how it was all worth it.

But it didn’t make me feel any better.

I reread every “Above Rubies” magazines I had ever received to encourage myself.

My mind was encouraged but my flesh still felt miserable!

My body felt like it was not capable to getting up off the sofa and doing anything productive or enjoyable, yet my mind continued to churn, swirling in descending circles.

“I just want to die. I can’t live like this. Why do I have to suffer? Why does God allow me to feel so horrible?”

Pregnancy is such a miracle, a blessing, a gift! So why did I feel so bad? My suffering was nothing compared to other women I knew, who kept almost nothing down for nine months, yet my suffering felt like too much for me to bear.

The question I kept asking was, “Is this worth it?” and I knew that it was. A new life is always worth it. After a mother is holding that precious bundle, her sorrow is turned into joy.

Then the question became, “How much is a human life worth? How much pain and sorrow is one life worth? How much would I suffer for one human life? Would I get pregnant and do this all again for one more human life? How much is a life worth to God? How much suffering did Jesus endure?”

The only conclusion I could come to was this; one human life is worth IT ALL! There is no limit to the value God puts on a life, no price too high to pay, no suffering too severe. Jesus suffered more than any of us. He went through betrayal, slander, hatred, lies, scourging, mocking, and the cruelest execution ever conceived. He felt the wretched, incurable sickness of the evil of the entire world. And he bore the effects of that twisted iniquity; separation with all that is good and beautiful and holy, his Father.

He said that his suffering was worth it because of the joy set before him. (Hebrews 12:2) That joy was human life, redeemed and set free. He said that I am worth it. He said that you are worth it. He said that the child in my womb was worth it. If Jesus was willing to suffer for my child, shouldn’t I? After the suffering of His soul, he saw the light of life (my life, your life, my child’s life) and he was satisfied. (Isaiah 53:11)

I knew that my suffering wasn’t in vain, but I still didn’t feel any better.

“God, give me a vision of this child! Something to keep me going,” I prayed.

In my mind’s eye I saw beams of life coming from this child and shooting out to the far reaches of the earth. This child would be a blessing to me and my family, yes. But he would also have an impact on the entire world! How? I have no idea! But if I could have some small part in sending life to the whole of mankind, sign me up!

Then I heard God’s loving voice.

“Thank you for being available. Without you, I couldn’t bring this child of destiny into the world.”

Then I felt the peace that only God’s voice can bring. I felt His gratitude sink deep into my soul until I was saturated by the unbelievable goodness of it. God needs me? The all powerful God NEEDS ME to be available? What if I had said that seven children were quite enough, and that there were too many children in the world already? THIS particular child, with unique DNA from his father and from me that could never be duplicated, would have never existed! His very individual purpose and destiny would have never been manifested. His precious personality, which was a dream in God’s heart since before the world began (Ephesians 1:4), would have never been realized. And now he exists…because of me! I cannot think of anything more powerful. I cannot think of any higher honor for God to give me, than helping Him to create something of inestimable value and eternal impact.

I never could say during that pregnancy that I enjoyed being pregnant. But I could say that pregnancy was when I relied on God the most and sensed His presence the closest and felt His glory the heaviest. And the moment that precious Babe was born…I could say…

HE WAS TOTALLY WORTH IT!

My Adventurous Husband with the Crazy, Impossible Dreams Might Just Be Right

July 3, 2014 / Anne (Grace is my Superhero) / 3 Comments

My husband, Chris, is very different from me. In fact, he is quite the opposite. He is spontaneous and impatient, prone to making rash and risky decisions. He is also very driven. When he has a certain goal in mind, all else fades to the background as he plows through valleys and climbs over mountains to reach that goal. When he gets an idea in his head, it seems like an obsession to me. I am a steady and reliable creature of habit. I like to dwell, remain, and stay in my comfort zone. I feel no need to go trailblazing into unknown and possibly scary territory. To change my course is like trying to alter the flow of a river. I have found that trying to deter Chris from a goal is like trying to stop a freight train once it is barreling down the tracks. It is much easier to jump aboard and enjoy the ride!

We faced our first major financial decision as newlyweds. Our apartment had washer and dryer hookups, but we had no washer and dryer. We would spend hours at the Laundromat. Chris reasoned that if we could put our Laundromat money towards payments on our own washer and dryer, we would be much better off. I agreed, but when I saw the large price tag, I was terrified. We ended up in our car in the Sears parking discussing the pros and cons. The worry of making a bad decision brought me to tears. We ended up buying the brand-new, super-capacity Kenmore beauties, despite my abiding nervousness. Eighteen years, 6 moves, and eight children later, they are still washing 2-3 loads a day! Chris was totally right!

In 2006 we were renting a nice house on Market St where I found my Little Piece of Heaven. Sure, I wanted to move eventually, but I figured that God would bring that opportunity right to us at the proper time. But Chris was obsessed. He was unsatisfied with our living conditions and upset that our rent money was going into someone else’s pocket instead of building up equity for us. He talked to realtors. He got lists of homes sent to him every week on the internet. He kept finding houses that he wanted me to look at. The available four bedroom homes priced around $100,000 were not at all what I would call attractive or comfortable! I didn’t want to look at these homes, not to mention consider living in them. But I did it, because Chris asked me to. We even put offers on two of them. They had been on the market for a long time. We thought we could get a good deal, fix them up and then sell them for more…all in an effort to get closer to our real dream house. Both houses were snatched up right before our offers came in.

Chris didn’t give up, however. He talked to other realtors, looked at other houses, and kept viewing homes on the internet. None of the homes interested me at all. Basically, I had given up on owning a home. One day Chris came across a picture of an older home, shrouded in dark awnings and overgrown shrubbery. He set up a time to see it. He walked in the front door, took one look at the high ceilings and beautiful woodwork and thought, “This is it!”

There was just one mountain of a problem. It was more than twice what we could afford. He set up a second time to view the house and wanted me to come along. I so desperately wanted to refuse him, and I almost did. I didn’t want to go see another ugly house. I definitely didn’t want to go see a beautiful house, fall in love with it, and then have to face the reality that we could never afford it. But I did it, because Chris asked me to.

The house was built in 1924 and was in a beautiful neighborhood with tree lined streets. I toured the gorgeous home, loving every detail of it! I tried NOT to love it…but I couldn’t help it. I took a paper containing the specs of the home that included a tiny black and white picture of the exterior. In my mind, that dreary picture was a picture of my dream home. I placed the paper on top of my filing cabinet. Every time I passed by and caught a glimpse of that paper, I would pray that God would do a miracle and give us that house! Every time we passed the exit on the highway that would take us to the house, longing would fill my heart that someday that exit would lead to my home! Every night before bed, the children would pray and ask God to give them that house! Chris’ obsession had become a family obsession!

The realtor went to the owners with a crazy idea. Even though the house had only been on the market for two weeks, he urged them to consider a sellers agreement, where we would make payments to them directly and take over the mortgage in a few years. It seemed like an eternity before they responded…THAT THEY WOULD! Amazing miracle number one! Yet our soaring spirits sank a bit as we heard the terms. The monthly payment was way too much, and we had to come up with $10,000 upfront. Chris countered with $300 less per month. They accepted! Amazing miracle number two!

Time came to sign the paperwork, and we still had no money to put down. Chris continued to plow ahead, scaling that mountain and signing away! I was terrified and thought back to the washer and dryer purchase so long ago. How small that decision seemed compared to this one was! I sat with the realtor, the paperwork, and a kitchen timer in front of me. I was timing contractions that had been coming every twenty minutes for baby number six. I was about to have a baby, and here I was, facing one of the biggest decisions of my life! I wanted to call it all off, or have a conference like we did in our car in the Sears parking lot. I wanted to cry my heart out and beg Chris to back out of the whole thing!

Quietly a peace descended upon me, and my emotions stilled. My contractions stopped. I saw the hand of God moving heaven and earth. I saw that it was He who had put that obsession into my husband’s heart. I signed the paperwork and believed that God would work out the rest. Amazing miracle number three!

I didn’t have any more contractions for almost a week. My grandmother joyfully offered to give us the money we needed and a bit more! Amazing miracle number four! Chris’ mom flew in from Colorado in anticipation of the new baby’s arrival. That night my water broke, but there were no contractions. In the morning, we thought we would pass the hours by showing my mother-in-law our new home! It was a hot and humid day in August. I walked around my home, and I began to get contractions. They increased as I showed off my four large bedrooms and gigantic bathroom on the second floor. They increased even more as I went down to view my spacious and clean basement with shelves and shelves of storage space. Finally, we all gathered outside to return to our rental house. I leaned on the truck with one intense contraction. It was hard to escape the pain with heat emanating from the sun above and rising from the blacktop below. I thought, “What have I done, coming here while in labor? I need to get home!”

We arrived home in plenty of time to fill the baby pool in our bedroom and call the midwife. Our little Cooper was born a few hours later, healthy and happy! Some weeks after that, we began to move into our new home.

We are still in this home, paying the mortgage (our mortgage!) eight years later. That is the real miracle! We have weathered job losses, economic downturns, and debt reduction programs. We were close to foreclosure during the hard times, yet we are still here!

Three years ago Chris became obsessed with another goal, to become a business owner. He talked to a business broker and received emails about local businesses for sale. He read books about entrepreneurs and conversed with friends who were business owners.

“Oh brother,” I thought. “Here we go again!”

He inquired about a Signarama shop just blocks from our house. He went to visit with the owner and saw the shop. He was convinced that this was it. He wanted me to see it all and tell him what I thought. I really didn’t want to! But I did, because he asked me to.

When I saw the shop I thought, “This is definitely NOT it!” A sign shop, full of vinyl to make signs? How boring! I never had any interest in being a business owner, nor ever thought about making signs. Chris began the slow process of turning my course.

We talked with the regional VP of Signarama to learn more about the franchise. What emotions surfaced when I thought about this proposition; spending all we had plus going into debt to acquire a business? Terror! Pure fear! Fear of not having enough to pay our bills. Fear of heading towards foreclosure again! Fear of making a big whopper mess-up of a decision! Quietly peace descended upon me, and I heard the voice of God.

“Do not fear making mistakes. Mistakes aren’t as powerful as you think they are. You see them as huge giants that can rob you of your destiny. That is not true. Your mistakes cannot negate my promises or my power or my faithfulness in your life. I can cause all your mistakes to prosper and use them for good. In fact, your mistakes are your servants. Use them to learn about me, yourself, and your destiny. Use them to draw near to me. Do not fear making mistakes. Make all decisions in confidence and faith. I AM able to lead you and keep you in my perfect will. I AM faithful!”

So we took the plunge into business ownership. It has been harder than we had ever imagined. Some of my fears have come to pass, but I realized that they weren’t so bad after all. God is in control, and He is bringing us through this into the abundant prosperity that He has promised! Chris is learning to slow down his freight train to prayerfully consider my wisdom. I am learning that my adventurous husband with his crazy obsessions might just be tapping into the very heart of God!

“The moment you are in is pregnant with possibility. DON’T kill it with fear.” – Bill Johnson

I won’t kill it with fear! I will move forward with faith and confidence!

I WILL ENJOY THE RIDE!

Ordinary or Miraculous?

July 1, 2014July 1, 2014 / Anne (Grace is my Superhero) / Leave a comment

We all hope and pray for that divine moment when life passes from ordinary to miraculous. Yet as I have experienced miraculous breakthroughs in my own life many times, I am struck by how they are always surrounded by the normal, everyday things. I think most miracles in the Bible occurred on ordinary days in ordinary lives. The people were still people like us; hot or tired, scared or angry, awkward or confused, obedient or backslidden…with faith and doubt living together in their hearts and minds. Perhaps they were battling just to keep afloat, yet secretly wishing they could give up and slip into a dark and peaceful oblivion. And after the heavens opened and the glorious event occurred, there were still battles to fight, details to agonized over, persecution and annoyances to deal with. There were still journeys as long as a lifetime to be navigated…one step at a time.

I have been reading 2 Chron 14-16 a lot lately. I am encouraged when I read about how God won an amazing victory for King Asa simply because the king relied on Him. An army of a million men were defeated before the small nation of Judah! Extremely perplexing to me, however, was the fact that the prophet Azariah came to Asa and encouraged him AFTER his stunning victory.

“The Lord is with you, while you are with him. If you seek him, he will be found by you…But you take courage! Do not let your hands be weak, for your work shall be rewarded,” the prophet said.

Wouldn’t such a phenomenal victory be enough to show Asa that the Lord was with him? Wasn’t he already on such an incredible high after seeing the Almighty God answer his prayer, save his life, and deliver his nation from defeat and annihilation? Why did the prophet come to him AFTER the victory rather than before?

Recently we have had a miraculous breakthrough occur in our own lives, yet we still need many more miracles and feel overwhelmed by it all. I think I might understand why Asa needed that encouragement. He probably became king in his early twenties. He inherited a nation full of idolatry, foreign relation nightmares, and huge needs. He had a kingdom of people with problems, all looking to him for the answers. Being a man of integrity who sought the Lord, he felt the full weight of the responsibility that he was carrying; to please God and serve the people. He probably would have rather died in that battle than to turn out to be a lousy king and have the people suffer under his lousy rule. History tells us that he was a very good king, but he had no assurance that he would be. He was probably plagued with doubts and concerns…just like all of us! One miracle was not enough for Asa. One miracle is not enough for us. In order to take courage, we need the miracle of God dwelling with us everyday, just as Asa did.

Isn’t it glorious that God promised that He would NEVER leave us or forsake us? Isn’t it mind-blowing that God promised that NOTHING could ever separate us from His love?

The miraculous is ALWAYS at work, in every mundane step of the journey. We all long for that moment when the power of God becomes undeniably evident. Yet the miraculous is in the here and now, in the imperfection of ordinary moments. It was surrounding me this morning as I was lying on the living room floor doing exercises to alleviate neck pain and Coldplay was on in the kitchen and my child was asking if he could have sugar on his oatmeal. I wanted to just pause and take it all in. The vastness of the universe, complicated beyond my comprehension, forever expanding, and being held together by His words. The inconceivably minute details of every one of my cells, burning energy, producing life so I can exercise, listen to music, say, “Just a little bit of sugar on your oatmeal!” , and ponder the unexplainable mysteries of the cosmos all at the same time. The wondrous is all around us. The supernatural is on the inside of us…that is…if we have invited Him in.

How much of that miraculous are we missing today…simply because we don’t realize that it is here? Can I be like a prophet speaking to you, as Azariah spoke to Asa, when I type these words that God led you to read?

Take Courage, the Lord is with you! And with the Lord, every moment of your life is pregnant with divine possibilities!

Are You in Over Your Head?

June 28, 2014 / Anne (Grace is my Superhero) / 11 Comments

Are you overwhelmed? Does your life feel impossible? Do you feel completely inadequate and incompetent for the task before you? Good! You may be in just the right place…to see God do the impossible!

I am very familiar with the feeling that my life is out of control, being a mother of many children! I don’t often get to attend special conferences at my church, but I love to listen to the CDs of them at home. I was listening to a CD of Lesley-Anne Leighton talk about her amazing adventures as a missionary. God would regularly do miracles for her as she stepped out in faith. For example, she was taken into custody by Chinese authorities (China is very hostile to the Gospel of Jesus). She was miraculously released after she started speaking to the men in Chinese…and she didn’t know how to speak Chinese! She would do training schools all around the world to teach people to live a supernatural life like hers. As I listened to her teaching on this CD, she said she would share with us her strategy for living such a life. That caught my attention and I listened carefully; so much so that I remember what she said 9 years later. Her strategy was simple; she would follow Jesus wherever he led! This meant that she would get in over her head and watch God do the miracles on her behalf.

A new thought began to dawn in my mind. This was a great strategy for a missionary, traveling to hostile and dangerous parts of the world. But I knew that motherhood was a dangerous and perilous journey as well. Mothers needed miracles just as much as missionaries did! I knew that I needed some! And Lesley-Anne had just told me that it was actually a good thing that I was in over my head…because that is the place where God moves! My courage began to rise.

I had felt in over my head since my second baby showed up and didn’t get the memo from his big sister on how to sleep. He would cry louder than I had ever heard anyone cry, and deprive me of my sleep and almost my sanity! He continued these nighttime disturbances even after I became pregnant with number three.

I had felt overwhelmed since I had three little children and a special needs baby who required many doctors’ appointments and special care. I had no one close by to help and my husband, Chris often traveled for work, being gone for days or weeks at a time.

I had felt overwhelmed when I had three little children, a special needs two-year old and a five-week old baby boy AND Chris and I had to pack up our home, drive cross-country (praying the whole way that I wouldn’t fall asleep at the wheel and kill us all!), and set up a new home in Pennsylvania.

I had felt overwhelmed since I had seven children, home schooled, and enrolled my special needs daughter in a therapy program that I was supposed to accomplish by myself, at home. The man in charge told me that Ashlyn’s therapy program would be fairly easy, only requiring 6 hours a day. I thought to myself, “How can I ever do that?” Yet I wanted to try, because I wanted her to be better so badly. I also felt that God had led me to this program for Ashlyn AND had led me to home school all the other children.

I would wake up at 5 am each morning, immediately feeling nervous about the coming day. My mind would instantly begin to churn with all I had to accomplish and the fact that it was nearly impossible to do so. Life felt like a test, and I would pass the test only if I could accomplish everything I my to-do list. But almost every night I would go to bed with tasks left undone and the feeling of failure. There were a few rare days that I finished everything and thought briefly that I had succeeded…only to look back over my day and realize that I had plowed over everything and everyone who stood in my way. My victory was meaningless, because I did it without love, and my children suffered.

Thinking on these past failures, I would go from being nervous to panicking!!! Lying in bed in the morning, trying to work up the courage to face my impossible day, I would pray.

“Oh, God! I want to love my children today! I want to do therapy with Ashlyn so she can be well! I want to do home school with my children so they will be smart! But I have so many other things I need to do! I should have been up hours ago! There is no way I can do this. This is IMPOSSIBLE! I am in WAY OVER MY HEAD!”

Then one day I was quiet enough to hear the Spirit’s still small voice.

“This day is not a test, it is a gift! I want you to open your eyes and see all the treasures I have hidden for you in this day. Let me bless you in the midst of your business. You are right, my child. Your life is impossible. I designed it that way. I never intended for you to live a safe, easy, comfortable life. I didn’t design you to merely do the possible. I am the God of the impossible, remember! I designed you to do the impossible through me! I can’t fully show my glory unless the situation is Impossible. All that I do through your life is changing eternity. So be at rest. Be at peace. I AM in control.”

That voice changes everything for me! It immediately tears the veil between my crazy, earthy life and the Holy of Holies. I can step out of the temporary and step into the eternal. I can step out of my failures and step into the finished work of Christ. My life takes on a while new significance when I realize that the Most Holy God wants to dwell with me and do miracles through me! And what could be more miraculous than living with so many children and having perfect peace!

Now we have eight children and a ninth baby that takes a lot of time and resources – a new business! I have so many things to do at home, and Chris has so many things to do at our sign shop. I try to help him at the shop and he tries to help me at home, all the while being mindful of our precious children. We are busy almost all of the time. What little “free” time we have is not really free. We are so selective about how we spend our time, trying fiercely to follow Jesus and no one else. There isn’t time and energy and devotion to waste on anything less! It is going to take a miracle to raise our children the way we should AND make our business successful. Both Chris and I are sure that we are in WAY OVER OUR HEADS! Yet we know that Jesus led us here and through him we are doing miracles.

I am so encouraged by Mark Batterson and what he wrote in The Circle Maker.“If you’ve never been overwhelmed by the impossibility of your plans, then your God is too small.”

So are you in over your head? If you got into this situation by following someone other than Jesus, start following him now and just see what he will do! If it was Jesus who got you into the crazy mess called your life, let your heart take courage! This is his specialty, doing miracles through little you! So relax, let go, and enjoy riding on his waves of grace…and expect signs and wonders to follow you.

Beauty

June 25, 2014June 25, 2014 / Anne (Grace is my Superhero) / 9 Comments

It makes life worthwhile. It makes a house a home. It makes ordinary moments dazzling. It is beauty. We can find beauty almost anywhere if we really look. Yet the place that the American woman is least likely to find beauty? In her own reflection. Why is it hard to see beauty in ourselves?

Years ago my daughter posted a sticky note on my bathroom mirror that said, “You are beautiful Mom!” I saw it, read it, and thought, “How sweet! I love my sweet daughter!” But did I take the message to heart? Did I look at my reflection and think, “Yes, I am beautiful!” NOPE! I immediately dismissed it as the foolish sentiments of a child who did not yet recognize true beauty. I was the adult, and I had lived with my not-so-beautiful self for a long time, and I knew that I wasn’t beautiful. One little sticky note was not going to change the facts.

Yet I began to consider this – perhaps children are the best judge of what is beautiful; being young, innocent, and having no hidden agendas. Perhaps if my daughter truly believed that I was beautiful, then I should believe it too. Interesting idea… but it takes time and effort to change those ingrained thought patterns.

Awhile after the birth of my seventh child, I was looking at myself in the mirror and lamenting. I wasn’t back to the shape that I wanted to be in. In fact, I suspected that my body would never be the same. Not that it was perfect to begin with. I was feeling quite sad and disgusted with myself. Then I heard the soft voice of God speak into the mess that was my own thoughts.

“Do not direct hatred toward that which I love. Do not despise that which I call holy.”

He said it with love and a solemn seriousness. I felt a holy fear of the Lord, and suddenly I realized several things. I despised and hated the way that I looked. My attitude towards myself offended God because he created me, loved me, and valued me so highly. He said that my body was his temple and his temple was holy. His temple required honor and I was not giving myself that honor, therefore I was dishonoring him. But more than anything else, I realized that he loved me…and his love made me beautiful.

After that I would practice loving myself the way that God did. I would speak beautiful words over me like, “Body, you are the temple of God! The almighty God lives inside of you! You are holy! You are a wonder!” I wanted to speak blessings over myself rather than curses.

Sue Monk Kidd wrote about a touching scene that she had witnessed. A young girl was sad and ashamed after someone had made fun of her freckles. Her Grandmother tried to get her to see the truth.

“I love your freckles! What could be more beautiful than freckles?” her grandmother told her.

With all sincerity, the child turned to her grandmother and answered, “Wrinkles!”

Why were wrinkles so beautiful to the young girl? Because the face that loved her had wrinkles. And what is more beautiful than the face that loves you? My own grandmother was one of my favorite people when I was younger. She was fun and spent endless hours reading comic books to me, playing games with me, and taking me on hikes. She loved me, and I thought her wrinkled, tan, and slightly leathery face was beautiful! She did not agree with me, however. I would find family photos, taken during our fun adventures together, with small little circles cut out of them. I would study them more closely and realize that the holes were always in the place where Grammy should have been. I asked her why she did this, and she would answer, “I didn’t like how I looked in that picture.”

My Grammy, LaVera Gisselman

To me, a photographic memory that contained an empty space was ruined! And for what? So Grammy could feel better that no one else would see her looking less than perfect. But she was beautiful to me! Love, gentleness, and kindness make us beautiful. We need less make-up and more love! I need to scowl less at my children and smile more!

Are you having trouble finding beauty in the mirror? Believe what your children know about you! When you are looking into the face of your baby and thinking that this child is the most beautiful sight in all the world, I bet your baby is thinking the same thing about you! Believe your husband when he gives you a compliment. When he refers to you with that special term of endearment, open your heart to it and let it in! Chris likes to call me “Cutie”, and I love it. I am pretty cute, now that I think about it!

Beauty is always found in the face of the one who loves you! If you can’t seem to find beauty in yourself, gaze into the face of Jesus. In his face you will find perfect love, perfect peace, and perfect beauty. His love makes us lovely. As we behold him, we become like him. And if you look long enough, you will realize that the perfect beauty…is who you really are!

My Little Piece of Heaven

June 22, 2014June 23, 2014 / Anne (Grace is my Superhero) / 4 Comments

Our first apartment as a married couple was a little piece of heaven, a sweet and tiny oasis of newlywed bliss (well, usually…except for those times when we were fighting over whether we should throw the budget out the window and buy a VCR.) It had the charm and character of an older building. It was situated in an established neighborhood with tree lined streets. We used to take long walks and imagine which one of the beautiful homes we would buy one day. We were excited that it had a garage, a rare find for an apartment building. We were delighted when we pulled into the garage that first time, only to realize that there was no extra room for the driver to open his door and actually exit the vehicle while still in the garage. On a particularity hot summer day, the second story apartment became just oppressive. We realized that running two air conditioners at once was too much for the old electrical panel to handle. Just minor details that added to the charm.

After a year we decided to shake off the dust of that boring, little town and find a real adventure in Colorado Springs. There we found another piece of heaven in a garden level apartment. Oh, the sweet memories of our younger married days! It had a spare bedroom and a cozy fireplace. It also boasted mice and a snake (totally uninvited!) In the big snowstorm of 1997, hundreds of travelers got trapped on the highway between Colorado Springs and Denver. Chris thankfully found shelter in a Denver hotel. Meanwhile, I was being buried alive in that underground apartment, feeling claustrophobic and horribly bored. The little apartment was sparsely furnished with only a bed, dresser, and kitchen table. We would sit on the carpet in the living room to watch movies. That’s right! We did own a TV and VCR by this time. Our lives were full of blessings!

After six months we found the perfect townhouse that seemed just massive to us; two bedrooms and two bathrooms! It was new and pristine with an open floor plan. Heaven again relocated to be with us in this lovely place. We had our first baby and settled her into the extra room. I can’t describe how beautiful it was, that cherub sleeping in her own crib in her own room. We had our second child and added another crib. We had our third child and added a set of bunk beds. Then we had our fourth child, and she ended up in our walk in closet. The walls felt as though they were closing in on us, and the concrete slab in back wasn’t what our children needed for a back yard.

We were able to sell that little piece of heaven (finally!) and find a little larger piece of heaven to rent; a real house with a real fenced in yard! With four, then five young children, I felt like I had won the lottery! The fence was not an effective barrier for the little neighbor boy down the street, who would escape by climbing over his fence and into the neighbor’s yard and eventually into our yard…all without his parents having a clue. They would find him wandering around the neighborhood doing interesting things, such as “selling” free ice cubes door to door out of a soggy cardboard box. My children didn’t feel inclined to follow little Nick, but rather played contentedly in our own back yard, safe and secure, and life was good!

Having had more than our fill of adventure in Colorado, Chris accepted a job back in the boring, little town where we had started. Yet now it had been transformed into our Promised Land. The 5 day trip across the c ountry was like crossing the Jordan. As we drove into Central Pennsylvania, I could hardly believe it! We had arrived! We had reached our own little piece of heaven in a rental house on Market Street. Sure, there was constant traffic and sirens passing our house 4 or 5 times a day. Sure, there was a lot of air pollution and mold in the house. (We have never been so sick as a family as we were in that house.) Yet, out the kitchen window I could see a stunning dogwood tree, showing off its incredible blooms just for me. And the view from the living room – Amazing! I wou ld sit in my recliner and nurse baby number six while my eyes would feast on the sight of the magnolia tree. For two weeks out of the year, it would look so glorious; I thought that this must be what the Garden of Eden looked like.

I was content in my little piece of heaven, but my husband found a house online that he was interested in. There were no pictures of the inside. The outside looked old and outdated, hidden in dark awnings. But there was a huge front porch and my imagination painted the inside with much charm and character. I t was less than a mile from our fist apartment. When we actually got inside to take a real look at it, it was better than I had imagined. “This is it!” we thought, “Our piece of Heaven!”

Miraculously God gave us that house which cost twice the amount we were qualified to borrow, and that is where we live today. I love the custom woodwork, all original from 1924. I love the high ceilings and wide hallways. The large downstairs bathroom, which used to be part of the original doctor’s office, has built-in shelves and cabinets and a counter just perfect for a baby changing station. I imagine that when Dr. Christian was drawing up the plans for this house to his own specific needs, God was quietly whispering in his ear. He was giving his loving “suggestions” that would make this the perfect home for the Brandenburg family 80 years later. It is true; the house is very old. The lead paint on the windows is chipping, the porch is rotting, and the doorknobs come off in your hand if you pull too hard. Yet, this is where heaven resides, and this is where I want to be! Our seventh and eighth babies were born in the bedroom upstairs. The older children have grown into teenagers here. The younger boys ride their bikes on the sidewalk and play with the neighbor children. I love to watch them in the back yard, glowing golden in the setting summer sun.

It is true; we have a lot of people sharing five bedrooms and one bathtub! We have our eye on a much bigger place; seven bedrooms, six bathrooms, and ten acres of wooded land. And when we finally get there, heaven will be there too! I am sure that even that divine home will have its issues. Maybe it will feel like too many square feet to keep clean and heat. Maybe the mosquitoes will be breeding in that idyllic lake out back. Whatever the issues are, they are just details. The real truth is, heaven is wherever the center of God’s will is…and for me, that is in the heart of my family’s home.

My Children Aren’t Perfect

June 19, 2014June 20, 2014 / Anne (Grace is my Superhero) / 9 Comments

I had such a Glorious Vision of Motherhood. I had such amazing dreams about child rearing. Dreams fueled by extensive reading.

Books about how to multiply your baby’s intelligence.

Books about how to make your child physically superb.

Books about how to build strong immune systems with a traditional, whole foods diet.

Books about how to foster a lifetime love of learning by homeschooling and employing each child’s individual learning style.

Books about how to raise happy, obedient children.

And many, many more.

I was totally confident that I could achieve these goals with my knowledge and ability. Plus God gave me these children, so he would make this glorious vision of perfection come to pass to be a beacon to the world…wouldn’t he?

An honest evaluation of my life and my children revealed to me that I have failed on every point with every child. Every one of those dreams of child rearing has died…my Glorious Vision of Motherhood obliterated.

And what is left in the ashes of total defeat? Dirty, messy, disobedient children who are neither geniuses nor prodigies, neither physically superb nor perfectly healthy. They are many times rude, disrespectful, average, and markedly below average. They often hate school and love soda. And do I blame them? No, I blame myself totally and completely because I am the Mother and I have failed.

“God,” I ask, “How can I move forward?”

He answers in the ancient verses of Isaiah 46:6,7.

“Those who lavish gold from the purse, and weigh out silver in the scales – they hire a goldsmith, who makes it into a god; Then they fall down and worship! They lift it to their shoulders, they carry it, they set it in its place, and it stands there; It cannot move from its place.”

What if I had all the time and money to carry out all the good advice in all of those books? What if I had the wealth and the gold to hire a goldsmith to create for me the perfect child? Beautifully carved, perfectly painted. It would never get dirty or have a runny nose. It would never pee in its bed, poop in its underwear, or throw up on the couch. It would never be rude or illicit dirty looks from old ladies in grocery stores. It would never scream at me and backtalk. I wouldn’t have to worry about it falling out of a tree and breaking its perfect neck. I wouldn’t have to prescreen every TV show it watches in order to protect its pristine mind. I wouldn’t have to constantly be concerned about its schooling or properly stimulating its mind. I wouldn’t have to wonder, during those moments of eerie silence, what they were destroying or who they were torturing. I could be at peace knowing my perfect child was still sitting there…perfect. I could lift them up on my shoulder and show the world with no shame. Look everyone! My stunning, marvelous child! Forever and perpetually perfect and unchanging! Yet cold and hard and lifeless. No breath, no life, no will, no heart, no desires, no sin…no love.

DEAR GOD!!! My dream for my children is an idol! A gaudy idol with eternally unblinking eyes. That sickening chill fills my soul as I realize – I must cast that idol down, see it smash into a million pieces at my feet and ask for forgiveness.

I don’t want idols! I want children. I want the grimy, rosy cheek warm against mine. I want the smell of dirt and sweat as I embrace them. I want the tornadoes of chaos creating one mess after another. I want the inappropriate thoughts blurted out as inappropriate words. I want to bear their disrespect for everything I hold dear. I want to see them struggle and sin and fall…because I get to see them rise again. We all fall short and miss the mark, and so will my children. When they do fall, it will not be my fault. I get to love them and pray and love them some more.

My new dream for motherhood is immerging like the first rays of the dawn. I am not sure what it will look like at midday, but I imagine it something like this.

Brilliant, dazzling, blinding, sparking jewels of worth beyond all estimation…peaking out bit by bit from cracked and broken jars of clay.

2 Corinthians 4:7

“Our bodies are made of clay, yet we have the treasure of the Good News in them.” God’s Word

“But we have this treasure in clay jars, so that it may be clear that this extraordinary power belongs to God and does not come from us.” NRS

Whew! How light I feel without carrying those heavy idols around. Now I can let God carry me (Is 46:3,4). He gave my all of these wild children, so I think I will let him carry them too! I am a much better mother without the false Glorious Vision of Motherhood. Now I am free to laugh and enjoy…the imperfection of it all!