mother

A Fresh Start for Mom

/ Anne (Grace is my Superhero) / 4 Comments

In November my mom started acting strangely.  We were all together for Thanksgiving, but she wasn’t herself.  The children haven’t seen their grandma since that day.

Since then, Mom has been in and out of 4 different hospitals.  Her mental and physical state has fluctuated wildly.  I have long since lost count of how many doctors, nurses, physician’s assistants, and social workers I have talked to.  None of them could tell me why this was happening or how exactly they planned on fixing it.  The plans were not so much focused on bringing abundant health, but more on stabilizing her.  And the plans changed almost daily.

I would visit mom when I could.  None of the hospitals were places that I enjoyed spending several hours in, let alone weeks at a time.  Stark, barren, clinical.  Very little that was cheery or beautiful to look at.  Very little to do.  No fresh air or access to the outdoors.  Mom and I were both dreaming of a better environment in which she could convalesce.

When I was in my mom’s house one day, collecting some clothes to bring to her, I notice this pretty decoration.

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It was the stone that she had received at our church on Mother’s Day.  It carried a message that I hoped would be true for her life.  I prayed that she could have a fresh start.

It was finally decided that she was stable enough to be released to assisted living.  Mom and I were both so excited!  I had found a lovely, friendly place that would become her new home.  It had a large “apartment” for her.  It had a nice dining room and common area with a fire-place and piano.  It had a courtyard where she could do some gardening.

I prepared for her to be transferred.  I gathered necessary and homey items from her house.  When I was out shopping I found this little sign and thought it would give Mom a positive message to look at, day after day, in her new room.

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I was hoping that it would give her comfort when she felt the pain of what she had lost.  I prayed it would give her hope in the difficult days of transition.

It really could be possible that once Mom adjusts to her new home, meets new friends, and participates in new activities, she will be happier than before.  Perhaps with the burden of taking care of her home and herself is lifted, she will feel a sense of freedom.  Maybe her loneliness will fade away and she will enjoy life afresh!  Perhaps God will draw her to himself like never before and will make her Valley of Trouble into a Door of Hope (Hosea 2:15).

I was sure praying that all of that would be true, but I felt worried too.  Was it too much to ask for?  Too much to expect?

I found out on Friday that the Assisted Living Home couldn’t take her until Monday.  My heart dropped.  Another weekend in that boring hospital with the screaming lady right down the hall.

“Oh well, God, work all these things for Mom’s good,” I prayed.

I got busy putting together all the details.  I compiled stacks of paperwork.  I worked on checklist after checklist.  I wrote everything important on the calendar for Monday to be sure I wouldn’t forget.  As I was writing on the little square that represented March 20th, 2017, I realized that I was writing around the words that were preprinted there…

First Day of Spring!

                My heart leapt!  My eyes filled with tears of joy!  Even though the delay seemed like a trial, it was God’s plan all along.  His plan was good.  His plan was full of Hope.  His plan was for a Fresh Start!

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Will you all pray for my Mom?  For abundant health and life?  For a heart after God?  For an awareness of God’s goodness?  For a recognition of all His good gifts He gives her with each new day?  For a Fresh Start and a Spring Season?

Thank you!!!!!

I Want My Life to Mean Something

/ Anne (Grace is my Superhero) / 2 Comments

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I just had to go to the bathroom!  However, on my way there I needed to yell out the window at a boy chasing a ball into the street.

“Calvin, I told you that you are not allowed in the street.  You have to play inside now!”

Then I had to stop to referee a fight between two other children.

“If this is Courage’s toy, you have to ask him before you take it!  And Courage, do not scream and cry.  Just say, ‘This is my toy.  Give it back to me please.’  You don’t get anything you want when you scream and cry.”

I feel like I have given this little lesson about five hundred and sixty-four times.  Why don’t they remember! I still need to use the restroom (it is getting quite urgent!) yet I cannot stop myself from picking the kitchen towel off the floor which I had already done twice that morning.

“We dry our dishes with this towel, people!” I think to myself.  I notice peanut butter on the otherwise white cabinet door.  I encounter shoes and the grungiest socks known to man thrown about the living room floor.

“Cooper!  Put these in the laundry room!” I call out in desperation, knowing that I will probably have to hunt him down and ask him again later.

I pass Ashlyn’s walking track.  She is supposed to be doing her walking exercises right now; building her muscles, organizing her brain, and increasing her balance.  She is laying on the sofa, nursing some sores on her feet.  I wonder to myself if all the therapy that I have done with her was in vain.  She can’t wear her braces if the skin on her feet break down.  And she can’t walk if she doesn’t wear her braces.

I get into the bathroom and shut and lock the door.  A moment of peace.  A quiet space.  Ahhhhhh…I can sit down for a moment.  WHAT IS THIS!!!!! PEE ON THE TOILET AGAIN!! I just wiped this toilet one hour ago, and the hour before that!

In the relative quiet of my stinky, dirty bathroom I am close to tears.

“Is this my life?  Working hard to clean a house that never stays that way?  Toiling to teach my children lessons that they never seem to learn.  Worried about not doing enough therapy with Ashlyn while simultaneously worrying about doing TOO MUCH therapy with Ashlyn.  I want my life to mean something,” I pray to God. “How can I know if my life is making a difference when I see so little good fruit?”

I just love it when I have a really productive day; wrote a blog article, organized an entire room, cleaned out the attic, or created a delicious meal with an abundance of bright colors and fresh ingredients.  But what happens when day after day goes by with no real progress of any kind.  Moms deal with this phenomena all the time.  We pour ourselves out, go to bed late, get up early, work hard; and when we stop to look around…it appears as though we have gotten absolutely nothing accomplished whatsoever!

I have been feeling the frustration and discontent that thousands of women have experienced.  We feel unnoticed, unimportant, and meaningless.  This has pushed many women to abandon their high calling as a wife and mother to pour themselves into other pursuits…just to feel worthy and fulfilled.

I KNOW that I have the most important career in the world.  I KNOW that my life is making a difference in this life and in the next.

It just doesn’t FEEL that way most of the time.

“God, help me to see things the way you do.  I need some encouragement here!”  I have prayed.

God is answering as He always does.  It may take a lifetime to understand all that He is saying and to unravel my own thoughts and ideas.  But I think I am making some progress.

I have been listening to the Bible on CD.  Listening to a cast of characters reading the Bible as though it were actually happening has helped me to see the stories in a different light.  It seems more real and more relevant.  Plus it is a different version than what I have read before, and it brings a new dimension to many verses.

As I look at the Bible as a whole; the story of God’s relationship with mankind, there is a common thread that I hadn’t noticed before.  God always had a plan.  He was always confident that this plan would work.  Very few humans actually understood His plan or knowingly helped God work out His plan.  The major events in the Bible were orchestrated and accomplished by God, not man.  Many times God worked through people and with people but most of the time He moved DESPITE people.

All the amazing events in Acts happened because of God.  The disciples didn’t get together after the resurrection and have an intensive strategic planning meeting to figure out how they would acquire the Holy Spirit or how they would add 3,000 people to their number in one day.  They didn’t go to college to learn the cutting edge strategies for converting the Jews and then the Gentiles to the Way.  (They didn’t even know that the Gentiles COULD be saved until God showed them.)

All the disciples did was wait on God and obey whatever He told them to do.  Many times they saw miracles, but more often they encountered opposition and persecution.  Often it appeared as though they were accomplishing nothing at all as the churches they planted fell into deceptions and wrong teachings.  Yet look at how their lives have affected the entire world!

When I look across all of human history, the person who had the most powerful participation in bringing God’s salvation to the earth was Mary.  This is just my opinion but you have to admit, she played a pretty big role.

But what did she actually do?

She BELIEVED what the Angel told her was true.

She SUBMITTED to God’s wonderful plan.

She MOTHERED Jesus.

Could I be as powerful in the course of human history as Mary if I just believe, submit, and mother?

If I could just BELIEVE every word God tells me.

If I could just joyfully SUBMIT, YEILD, and SURRENDER to God’s best for me.

If I could just MOTHER – love, nourish, carry, teach, serve, and protect each child God gives to me.

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Even Mary lost her most influential place of mothering for a while.  Maybe she didn’t agree with what Jesus was doing because it seemed too controversial or too dangerous.  Perhaps she was too weighed down with the concerns of her other children and life in general.  When she and her other sons went to see Jesus while He was teaching a large group, He didn’t go out to them.

He said, “Who is my mother?  Who are my brothers?”  He pointed to His disciples and said, “These are my mother and my brothers. Whoever hears the words of God and does them is my mother and brothers.”

If I had been Mary, I would have been devastated by His words.  Then I would have gotten really mad!  “Listen mister, I said yes to carrying you in my womb even though it sullied my reputation and messed up my life.  I gave birth to you and nursed you and took care of you during all the hard times!  None of these guys here know what the angel said to me.  They don’t know what Anna or Simeon said about you.  They didn’t see you take your first steps or nurse you through sickness.  How could you say that they are your mother!”

Yet she must have realized that Jesus was never wrong.  He was never disrespectful or vengeful or mean for meanness sake.  All His words were true…every time. Mary must have repented before God for not hearing His words and obeying them during this crucial time in Jesus’ ministry, because she was there with disciples in the upper room.

What this story tells me is that anyone, anywhere at anytime can have Mary’s impact if they simply hear God’s voice and obey.  To hear God’s voice we must love Him, wait on Him, spend time with Him, read His words over and over.  To obey Him is always to love because He is love.

In essence – to BELIEVE

TO SUBMIT

TO MOTHER

To live this kind of life takes faith to believe without seeing.

To live this kind of life is so much harder than just checking items off a to-do list.

To live this kind of life is something I am sure that I can’t do on my own.

To live this kind of life is the POWER and GLORY of my motherhood; to watch God take my little, seemingly insignificant acts of love and obedience and turn them into something

EARTH SHAKING

ETERNITY CHANGING

BEYOND MY IMAGINATION IMPORTANT

How Does God Feel About Mothers?

/ Anne (Grace is my Superhero) / Leave a comment

 

bc2I never considered it a sacrifice to be a mother.  I have always thought it was a privilege and the most amazing calling.  It is powerful and world-changing to be a mother, to grow and nourish the next generation.

Yet, now that I have been a mother for 17 years, I am getting a bit weary.  I have realized that I really don’t have my own life.  My days are filled with the needs of my husband and children.  I find myself daydreaming about what it would be like to be alone in the house with nothing to do except exactly what I WANTED to do.

Most of the time, I enjoy being at home with my children.  It is my favorite place to be.  I just assumed that it was my children’s favorite place to be as well.  One night Chris was working late and I was sitting at the dinner table with all of my nine children.  A peaceful meal is so refreshing to the soul; enjoying the smells and flavors, exchanging stimulating conversation.

A meal is never a peaceful affair at my house.  That night the children were all so loud, I couldn’t follow any one conversation.  Several of the boys were discussing topics not appropriate for the table.  The three-year old kept getting up and wandering around, and the 6-year-old kept standing up on the bench.  In an attempt to regain control, I lifted my voice and shouted above the noise, “Everyone be quiet!  We are going around the table and I want each one of you to tell me your favorite part of the day.  The rest of you just listen!”

The chaos quieted to a dull roar, and the children shared with me what they most enjoyed about their day.  The elementary school boys all enjoyed playing kickball at recess.  Cadin, who is fifteen, just started Cyber School after being homeschooled.  He had to go take the PSSAs for the first time.  He had never had to sit for 7 hours in a classroom before, and I thought he would hate it.  Yet, when it was his turn to share, Cadin said, “My favorite part of the day was taking the PSSAs.”

“Really?! Why is that?”  I asked.

“Because I didn’t have to be at home,” he answered.

“You don’t like being at home?” I asked, feeling very hurt.

“Well,” Cadin started with an apologetic voice, “I got to get a break and I didn’t have to do any chores.”

“I understand how he feels,” said Areli, my 17-year-old daughter.  “My favorite part of the day is when I do school, alone in my room.”

Now the small ache in my heart was growing.  “Well, I never actually get to be alone,” I said.  “Except maybe when I am in the bathroom.”

“You do get a nap every day,” Areli countered.

“That is true, and I so appreciate that nap!  But I am still not alone.  I have to share the room with the baby and wake up when she wakes up.  I am really never alone.”  I said.

Cole, the 15-year-old cynic, chimed in, “That’s your own fault for having so many children.  You and Dad went a little crazy,” he pointed out.

I felt the wind go out of my sails.  My own children didn’t even appreciate my willingness to carry them, give birth to them; give up sleep and privacy and alone time for them.  They couldn’t see the purpose in this crazy, loud, mess that is the Brandenburg household.  Sometimes I lose sight of it too.

When I look down the corridors of history, I don’t see the stories full of mothers heroically laying their lives down for their children.  I see men who fight battles, conquer, and enslave.  I see men who fight battles, conquer, and set free.  I see stories of kings and rulers.

When I turn on the TV, I don’t see news stories about the amazing mom who changed 24 diapers in the last 24 hours with only 3 hours of sleep the night before.  I see lawmakers and lawbreakers, politicians and rebels.

When I watch an awards show, I never see a mom who looks like me get up on stage and accept a prestigious award for her amazing ability to check items off a to do list and keep 9 children clothed and feed.  That is for the talented artists who receive the praise of millions of adoring fans.

What I thought was my little fan club was now telling me that they would rather be out of the house or alone instead of spending time with me.

I turned to a book that always helps me gain an eternal perspective, The Final Quest by Rick Joyner.  He shares a prophetic experience he had when he was in the throne room of heaven. He started in the very back of the room.  On his long walk to the front where the Lord was, he passed crowds of believers who had already died.  The multitudes standing at the back were more glorious than Rick had imagined people could ever be.  He was shocked to find out that these were in the very lowest rank in heaven.

One man he had known on earth explained it to him this way, “There is an aristocracy of sorts here.  The rewards for our earthly lives are the eternal positions that we will have forever.  This great multitude are those whom the Lord called ‘foolish virgins.’ We knew the Lord and trusted in His cross for salvation, but we lived for ourselves more than we really lived for him…there is no greater folly than to know the great salvation of God, but then go on living for yourself.”

This man was still more glorious and full of joy and peace than Rick had ever imagined possible.  It was simply because even a moment in the lowest part of heaven is much greater than a thousand years in the highest life on earth, and every person there had received so much more than they actually deserved.  As Rick moved toward the throne, he learned from the mistakes of those in the lowest ranks, and discovered that those same mistakes resided in his own life.

A great Christian leader during his life on earth told him, “What looks good on earth looks very different here.  What will make you a king on earth will often be a stumbling block to keep you from being a king here.  What will make you a king here is lowly and unclaimed on earth.”

Later, a famous reformer stepped forward and Rick couldn’t believe that he was in the lowest rank. The reformer told him, “God does have a different set of history books than those on the earth.  You have had a glimpse of this but you do not yet know how different they are.  Earthly histories will pass away, but the books that are kept here will last forever.  If you can rejoice in what heaven is recording about your life, you are blessed indeed.”

Then the reformer gave Rick some advice, “The high calling is not out of reach for anyone that the Lord has called.  I will tell you what will keep you on the path of life – love the Savior and seek His glory alone.  Everything you do to exalt yourself will one day bring you the most terrible humiliation.  Everything you do out of genuine love for the Savior, to glorify His name, will extend the limits of His eternal kingdom and ultimately result in a much higher place for yourself.  Live for what is recorded here.  Care nothing for what is recorded on earth.”

As Rick continued walking towards the glory of Jesus, he saw that each rank was many times greater than the previous one.  He described it like this, “When I was still not even halfway to the throne, what had been the indescribable glory of the first rank now seemed to be outer darkness in comparison to the glory of those I was now passing.  The greatest beauty on earth would not qualify to be found anywhere in heaven.  And I was told that this room was just the threshold of indescribable realms of glory!”

Rick learned from those who had fallen short of their destinies and also learned from those who had overcome and remained faithful to Jesus.  “Those who stumbled did so in many different ways.  But those who prevailed all did it the same way: They did not deviate from their devotion to the first and greatest commandment – loving the Lord.  In this way, their service was done unto Him, not to men. These were the ones who worshipped the Lamb and followed him wherever He went.”

Finally after what seemed like years of traveling, Rick reached the throne.  “Near the judgement seat of Christ, those in the highest ranks were sitting on thrones that were all a part of His throne.  Even the least of these thrones was many times more glorious than any earthly throne.  Some of those on the thrones were rulers over cities on earth and would soon take their places.  Others were rulers over the affairs of heaven, and still others ruled over the affairs of the physical creation, such as star systems and galaxies.

“It was apparent that those who were given authority over cities were esteemed even above those who had been given authority over galaxies.  The value OF A SINGLE CHILD (emphasis added) surpassed that of a galaxy of stars because the Lord has chosen men as His eternal dwelling place…

“At one point the Lord looked toward the galleries of thrones around Him.  Many were occupied, but many were empty.  He then said, ‘These thrones are for the overcomers who have served Me faithfully in every generation.  My Father and I prepared them before the foundation of the world.  Are you worthy to sit on one of these?’

“…I looked at those who were now seated on the thrones.  I could recognize most of those seated had not even been well-known on earth.

“Many of those on the thrones had been missionaries who expended their lives in obscurity.  They had never cared to be remembered on earth, but wanted only to be remembered by Him.  I was a bit surprised to see some who had been wealthy, and rulers who had been faithful with what they had been given.  However, it seemed that faithful, praying women and mothers occupied more thrones than any other single group.”

I have read this passage many times and every time my eyes flood with tears and my heart swells like it will burst!  My Lord has so honored mothers that many sit with him on the highest thrones in heaven!  My Lord so honors mothers that he allowed Rick Joyner to write down the revelation so that we could read it and be encouraged.

Mothers, let’s receive His grace to walk this path like eternity depends on it.  Jesus gave Rick this wisdom, “Those empty seats could have been filled in any generation.  I gave the invitation to sit here to everyone who has called upon My name.  The seats are still available.  Now the last battle has come, and many who are last shall be first.  These seats will be filled before the battle is over.  Those who sit here will be known by two things: They will wear the mantle of humility, and they will have my likeness.”

I am right where God wants me to be.  I am in the perfect place to love Him and to serve Him.  I don’t need to be famous or acclaimed or recognized or talented.  I just need to be who He has made me to be.

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I don’t need the world to understand the importance of what I am doing.  I don’t even need my children to understand and appreciate me.  I know that Jesus understands and he sees.

I don’t feel at all able to walk this path perfectly.  I am full of selfishness and I get off track so easily.  I realize that I can’t even do the basics, loving my husband and children, on my own.  I need His great grace!  But I am in the perfect place to receive His Grace…every…single…day!

The Gifts of Christmas are made of the Little Things

/ Anne (Grace is my Superhero) / Leave a comment

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1. My mom brought some crafts over for the children.  The colors of the tissue paper were just so pretty, I had to sit down and make a star myself.  I love to create all kinds of arts and crafts, but I have so little time for that these days.  I gained the joy of being crafty and a brilliant sun-catcher at the same time.

0022. Chris had gotten me some socks at Costco which turned out to be the most wonderful socks I have ever owned!  Chris bought me more colors of the same kind, just because he loves me.  An added bonus is that they actually match my clothes.  I love to match!

 

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3. Our church receives donations of food quite often.  Sometimes we check to see what is available.  We found bottles and bottle of kombucha.  I just love kombucha, but I rarely buy it at the store because it is so expensive.  Maybe no one else took it because they don’t know how wonderful it is or what it is.  Are you in that boat?  Click here to learn more about it.

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4. I took some greens from our tree, winter berries from my mom’s yard, and this burlap star she found, and I got a rustic wreath.

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5. I love receiving Christmas cards in the mail.  I love to see the pictures and think about the person who sent it.

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6. My mom found these magnetic picture frames.  Now I can see my friends and remember to pray for them all year long without  the mess of little magnets that keep falling off the fridge and the smudges of little hands.

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7. Because I picked Ireland to learn about this Christmas, I have a whole new country full of recipes to discover!

december 2015 0078. Little boys who are eager to go Christmas shopping for their family make very diligent workers around the house.  Our house gets so clean around Christmas time with the incentive of earning dollars.  I love a clean house and I love to see my children considering how to purchase gifts that will bless others.

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9. I asked my daughter to find some Christmas music to play and she found Michael Buble’s entire Christmas album on YouTube.  I received the gift of wonderful music filling the kitchen thanks to my daughter, my phone, a purple cable, and our stereo.

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10. My mom discovered my little, wooden rocking chair and brought it over.  I received the joy of seeing my two youngest sitting in the chair that I used to sit in when I was their age.

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11. So many of these gifts originated from my mom.  (Thank you, Mom!)She is a wonderful gift and being at the women’s breakfast at church with her this Christmas was icing on the cake.

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12. Caroling with friends and their children around the neighborhood and signing about the joy of Jesus!

13. My children keep reminding me that Christmas is not about the presents but THE PRESENCE.  How thankful I am for the wonderful children’s ministry at our church and the fact that my children listen, remember, and take it to heart.  How thankful I am for God with us, Emmanuel!  I love his presence and in his presence is fullness of joy!  I am realizing that at any moment I can enter into his presence and feel that joy and begin to see all the gifts that are always around me.

 

 

How to Help Your Baby Sleep Through the Night

/ Anne (Grace is my Superhero) / 1 Comment

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Sometimes I am confident that I know a few things about babies, and sometimes I feel that I know nothing at all!  But each one of my nine precious and exasperating little bundles has taught me something!  Looking back I can see clearly what has worked and what hasn’t.  Helping your baby sleep through the night is mostly about what you do during the day.

Sleeping through the night is really, truly wonderful!  It helps me to be a good mom.  It helps my baby to be a content baby.  Sleep allows me and my baby to recharge, dream, rest, heal, and grow.  It is essential for a happy and healthy life!  New babies have to eat every 2-3 hours around the clock and I am happy to oblige.  But once I know that my baby can sleep through the night (around 8-13 weeks), I am all for it!  I want to shift from survival mode to real life as soon as possible.

There are some major schools of thought that drive what a mother does with her baby day in and day out.

Demand feeding is when the baby is in charge.  Scheduled feeding is when the clock is in charge.  Parent directed feeding as when the parent is in charge.  You would think that the parent would be more able to direct the feeding schedule than the baby or the clock, wouldn’t you?  Yet the parent doesn’t always know what to do.  Take me for example.

When I first became a mother, I didn’t know what I was doing.  God gave me the easiest baby in the history of babies.  Areli was sweet, adorable, and LOVED TO SLEEP!

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I practiced a sort of demand feeding.  Areli was sleeping through the night at 6 weeks.  At two months she would sleep from 8pm to 8am without waking up.  She was happy and content all day long.  Yet she stopped gaining weight for two long months. I was so worried, and the doctor wanted to do all sorts of blood work on her.   Finally I realized that the wisdom of “you never wake a sleeping baby” was absolutely false!  Once I started waking her up at 10pm to give her an extra feeding, she started gaining weight again.  Phew!

My second baby was completely different!  Cole was my first boy; loud, grumpy, and not a good sleeper.  I would feed him whenever he seemed grumpy, which would usually be every hour and a half.  I ended up nursing him before and after each nap, yet he often wasn’t content.  I realized later that nursing my baby so often caused him to get into a bad habit of “snacking.”  He would drink the foremilk but not get the richer hind milk that would have satisfied him for hours at a time.  This little boy didn’t sleep through the night until he was over a year.  We were not well rested or happy a lot of the time.

My struggles with Cole led me to read On Becoming Babywise.  I love this book!  It gave me the knowledge to leave demand feeding behind and embark on the adventure of “parent directed feeding.”  I will take it one step further than the book and suggest “Holy Spirit parent directed feeding.”  No book or parent has all the answers, yet there is someone who ALWAYS does, and He gives wisdom to all who ask Him. I ask Him EVERY DAY for that wisdom.

The seven babies that came next were all put on a “Babywise” type schedule, and they have all slept through the night between 8 and 13 weeks.  Two have been girls, 5 have been boys, all have had unique personalities.  Yet each of them have done very well with a predictable daytime schedule.

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The first few weeks of a baby’s life outside the womb is all about bonding and holding and getting one full feeding at a time.  Don’t look at the clock.  Don’t worry about sleep. (I know, easier said than done!)  Just make sure every feeding is long enough (half an hour to an hour) to establish a good milk supply and create a good habit of drinking both the foremilk and the hind milk.  The challenge here is keeping the little guy awake long enough to keep nursing!

Summary for Baby’s first year of nursing

Week 1-8: Stabilization

Start with 8 or more feedings a day.  During the day you should feed your baby when she wakes up.  Then try to get some awake time.  As she gets older, wake time will become longer. Once you know your baby is tired, put her down for a nap.  Her naps should usually last and hour to an hour and a half.  The end of the nap is the time for the next feeding and the beginning of a new cycle.  Every cycle should be similar (2  ½ -3 hours long): eat, wake, sleep.  During the night you simply feed your baby and put her back to bed.  She will slowly extend her night time sleep until that glorious day when she drops the middle of the night feeding and sleeps until morning (usually around 8-13 weeks). The important part of this schedule is to feed your baby when she wakes from nighttime or naptime (or perhaps you will have to wake her to maintain every 3 hours during the day and every 4-5 hours a night at first).  After the feeding, attempt to keep your baby awake for a little while.  Newborns are so sleepy and this may not always work, but try.  Soon she will be able to be awake for ½ hour to an hour at a time.  When it is nap time, lay your baby in her bed while she is still awake.  Usually she will fuss a little and then go to sleep.  Some babies, like most of my boys, may cry very loudly!  This is where the Holy Spirit comes in.  Ask Him for wisdom.  Sometimes it is appropriate to allow you baby to cry for a few minutes before nap time.   The payoff is that in a few weeks, he will learn that nap time is for sleeping, and he will snuggle in and sleep as soon as you lay him down.  Other times the crying indicates that he needs something extra: more awake time, a diaper change, or a snuggle.

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Weeks 9-15: Extended Night

A baby can gradually extend his nighttime sleep to 9-10 hours.  By the end of the 13th week, your baby can average 5-7 feedings a day but never less than four.  Between weeks 12-15, most babies gradually extend their cycles to 3 to 4 hours.

Weeks 16-24: Extended Day

Your baby can sleep for 10-11 hours at night during this phase.  Babywise states that during these weeks you will be able to drop the late night feeding and begin to introduce baby food during the day.  There are many ideas about the best time to begin with food and which foods to introduce first.  This is another time that I pay attention to my baby and ask the Holy Spirit.  I prefer to look to traditional societies as a guide to introducing food to babies rather than to modern advice.  Click here for more information on how to feed babies.

I usually wait until 6-11 months to introduce solid foods.  I also like to keep the late night feeding (around 10-11pm).  My milk is the perfect food and it is always ready, so I am not in a hurry to start other foods with my babies.  Plus I love nursing so much!

I will include the Babywise recommendations for those who are introducing foods early than I do. During this time period your baby will maintain 4-6 liquid feedings in a 24 hour period, three of which will be supplemented with baby food(or not).  Nurse first and then offer food.

Weeks 25-52: Extended Routine

A baby can transition to three meals a day with the rest of the family by a year.  Of course there are always snacks for young children, usually two a day (maybe afternoon and bedtime). Babies at this age will only take two naps a day, 1 ½ to 2 ½ hours in length.  They can still be nursing 4-5 times a day.   I always try and nurse my babies as long as possible(12-18 months), but some of them had weaned themselves by this time. Others I slowly weaned because I was pregnant again.

Sleep props

Sleep props are anything that your baby needs in order to fall asleep.  The way you get your baby to fall asleep MOST of the time, will become your baby’s preferred routine.  Don’t start a habit that you are not willing to continue indefinitely.  Sleep props include nursing to sleep, rocking, music, pacifiers, sleeping in mom and dad’s bed, etc.  If you start (after the first few weeks) to lay your baby down for a nap with no sleep props at all, he will learn to fall asleep on his own very quickly.  I have found this to be invaluable!  Imagine a busy day with a house full of children.  When it is nap time, I simply carry my baby up to her bed, lay her belly down in her crib, speak some words of love, and walk out of the room.  She immediately snuggles in, starts sucking on her fist and falls asleep!  Sometimes there is an air conditioner or fan running, and sometimes there is not.  The most important part is to lay her down when she is still awake MOST of the time.  This will not happen all of the time, since newborns are so sleepy!  If your newborn falls asleep in your arms or on your chest occasionally, don’t worry.  Just enjoy the fleeting moment!  Love and hold the little precious one, for they won’t be so little for very long!

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Babies that need extra help

Some babies are fussier than others.  Some are so colicky that it may seem like they never stop crying.  This can be so emotionally and physically draining for parents.

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I just found a resource at the library that may help calm the difficult baby.  There is a book and DVD called “The Happiest Baby on the Block.”  It explains how to trigger the calming reflex in your newborn (up to three months) which can calm him in minutes!  I wish I knew about this long ago!  I haven’t gotten to try it out because my baby is now three and a half months old and is so happy.

Some babies may have suffered some trauma while in the womb or during birth or after birth.  This trauma can be greatly reduced or eliminated with chiropractic care, craniosacral fascial therapy(CFT), and prayer.  To learn more about CFT click here.  I took a class in CFT and it was wonderful.  They are the happy baby people, and they say that every baby can be happy, peaceful, relaxed, and healthy.

Some babies may have an allergy or sensitivity to something in mom’s milk, usually wheat or dairy.  Eliminating those two things helps in many cases. All nursing moms (and everyone else for that matter) should eliminate all caffeine and stay away from sugar, processed foods and medication. For a diet for pregnant and nursing moms, click here.

What if I didn’t start a Baby wise schedule when my baby was born but I want her to sleep through the night now?  How do I start?

Start by getting your baby on a good schedule during the day.  Begin the eat, wake, sleep cycles and putting your baby to nap while she is still awake.  It will take some time, maybe weeks, for your family to adjust to this.  Don’t give up!  Don’t worry about the nighttime just yet.  Get the daytime straightened out first, and the nighttime usually follows.  It is much more difficult to allow your baby to cry at night for fear of waking the rest of the family.  Some crying before naptime during the day is much better.  Think of it as practice for good nighttime sleeping.

What if my Baby’s daytime routine has been great for weeks but he is still waking up at night?

Move your baby into his own room or into a part of the house that is away from the other bedrooms.  Sometimes that alone did the trick for me, because I wasn’t reacting to every little whimper I heard in the crib right next to me.  Many times babies, just like the rest of us, will wake up at the end of a sleep cycle and get a little noisy or active until they fall asleep again.   We don’t have to nurse them every time they stir.

If you just can’t wait any longer for your baby to sleep through the night on his own, you know that he doesn’t need a feeding at night, and he is older than 13 weeks; then you can prepare yourself for a few nights of training.  Pick a weekend when the family can sleep in the next few mornings in case you don’t get much sleep.  Warn everyone beforehand that there may be some crying, and it is ok.  If your baby wakes up, first wait to see if he will fall asleep in 5 minutes or so.  If he doesn’t calm, then check on him, love him, whisper assuring words, but don’t nurse him.  It would be awesome if Dad did this part!  Hopefully after a few nights, baby will get the idea that nighttime is for sleeping and not for eating.

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My life right now

Annalise is three and a half months old.  She is a very easy baby, easier than most of my boys.  Here is what my schedule looks like right now.

6:30am  Annalise wakes up or I wake her up to nurse

7:00 I talk to her, change her diaper, and then lay her in a pack-n-play so I can eat breakfast.

8:00 Naptime

10:00 I get Annalise up from nap and nurse

10:30 One of the other children holds her and talks to her. Then a diaper change and some belly time.

11:30 Naptime

1:00pm Nurse and then playtime and diaper change

2:30 Naptime

4:30 Nurse and then play with Dad and diaper change

6:00 Naptime

7:30 Nurse, lay on the floor on a blanket, then get ready for bed

8:45 Bedtime

10:30 Nurse and put right back to bed

Annalise sleeps so much that I usually have to wake her from nap.  I like that because it gives me the flexibility to wake her a bit earlier or a bit later if I have to be somewhere at specific time during the day.

All of my babies have had seasons when they started waking up at night after they had been sleeping the entire night through for some time.  It could have been a growth spurt that required more milk, a bothersome stuffy nose, belly aches, or teething.  Sometimes I would nurse them and sometimes I wouldn’t. Sometimes I would sit up with them and hold them, sometimes I wouldn’t.  I would always ask the Holy Spirit for wisdom on how to comfort them and nourish them without starting a bad habit.  Usually they would start sleeping through the night again soon on their own.

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I have spent nights trying in vain to comfort a fussy baby and have been utterly convinced that I wasn’t a very good mother.  I have also had many happy days fueled by many peaceful nights.  When my sweet, content baby giggles at me, I feel like a brilliant mother!  I am neither a genius nor a failure in the mothering department.   I am simply a normal mom who has a really great God!  A God who loves my babies more than I do!  If I can get my baby to sleep through the night, then you can too!

Beauty

/ Anne (Grace is my Superhero) / 9 Comments

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It makes life worthwhile.  It makes a house a home.  It makes ordinary moments dazzling.  It is beauty.  We can find beauty almost anywhere if we really look.  Yet the place that the American woman is least likely to find beauty?  In her own reflection.  Why is it hard to see beauty in ourselves?

Years ago my daughter posted a sticky note on my bathroom mirror that said, “You are beautiful Mom!”  I saw it, read it, and thought, “How sweet!  I love my sweet daughter!”  But did I take the message to heart?  Did I look at my reflection and think, “Yes, I am beautiful!”  NOPE!  I immediately dismissed it as the foolish sentiments of a child who did not yet recognize true beauty. I was the adult, and I had lived with my not-so-beautiful self for a long time, and I knew that I wasn’t beautiful.  One little sticky note was not going to change the facts.

Yet I began to consider this – perhaps children are the best judge of what is beautiful; being young, innocent, and having no hidden agendas. Perhaps if my daughter truly believed that I was beautiful, then I should believe it too.  Interesting idea… but it takes time and effort to change those ingrained thought patterns.

Awhile after the birth of my seventh child, I was looking at myself in the mirror and lamenting.  I wasn’t back to the shape that I wanted to be in.  In fact, I suspected that my body would never be the same.  Not that it was perfect to begin with.  I was feeling quite sad and disgusted with myself.  Then I heard the soft voice of God speak into the mess that was my own thoughts.

“Do not direct hatred toward that which I love.  Do not despise that which I call holy.”

He said it with love and a solemn seriousness.  I felt a holy fear of the Lord, and suddenly I realized several things.  I despised and hated the way that I looked.  My attitude towards myself offended God because he created me, loved me, and valued me so highly. He said that my body was his temple and his temple was holy.  His temple required honor and I was not giving myself that honor, therefore I was dishonoring him. But more than anything else, I realized that he loved me…and his love made me beautiful.

After that I would practice loving myself the way that God did.  I would speak beautiful words over me like, “Body, you are the temple of God!  The almighty God lives inside of you!  You are holy!  You are a wonder!”  I wanted to speak blessings over myself rather than curses.

Sue Monk Kidd wrote about a touching scene that she had witnessed.  A young girl was sad and ashamed after someone had made fun of her freckles.  Her Grandmother tried to get her to see the truth.

“I love your freckles!   What could be more beautiful than freckles?” her grandmother told her.

With all sincerity, the child turned to her grandmother and answered, “Wrinkles!”

Why were wrinkles so beautiful to the young girl?  Because the face that loved her had wrinkles.  And what is more beautiful than the face that loves you?  My own grandmother was one of my favorite people when I was younger.  She was fun and spent endless hours reading comic books to me, playing games with me, and taking me on hikes.  She loved me, and I thought her wrinkled, tan, and slightly leathery face was beautiful!  She did not agree with me, however.  I would find family photos, taken during our fun adventures together, with small little circles cut out of them.  I would study them more closely and realize that the holes were always in the place where Grammy should have been.  I asked her why she did this, and she would  answer, “I didn’t like how I looked in that picture.”

My Grammy, LaVera Gisselman

My Grammy, LaVera Gisselman

To me, a photographic memory that contained an empty space was ruined!  And for what?  So Grammy could feel better that no one else would see her looking less than perfect.  But she was beautiful to me!  Love, gentleness, and kindness make us beautiful.  We need less make-up and more love!  I need to scowl less at my children and smile more!

Are you having trouble finding beauty in the mirror?  Believe what your children know about you! When you are looking into the face of your baby and thinking that this child is the most beautiful sight in all the world, I bet your baby is thinking the same thing about you!  Believe your husband when he gives you a compliment.  When he refers to you with that special term of endearment, open your heart to it and let it in!  Chris likes to call me “Cutie”, and I love it.  I am pretty cute, now that I think about it!

Beauty is always found in the face of the one who loves you!  If you can’t seem to find beauty in yourself, gaze into the face of Jesus.  In his face you will find perfect love, perfect peace, and perfect beauty.    His love makes us lovely.  As we behold him, we become like him.  And if you look long enough, you will realize that the perfect beauty…is who you really are!