She was Bald, Toothless, Covered with Scabs…and She was Indescribably Beautiful.

December 8, 2015December 8, 2015 / Anne (Grace is my Superhero) / 5 Comments

I had developed quite an affection for my neighbor across the street, Sandy. I had met her eight years ago when we moved into our house. She was small and looked older than her years. We invited her to neighborhood get-togethers, but she never came. In her own words, she was “backwards, shy, and didn’t go out of her house much.”

Pretty soon her habit of being a hermit became a necessity. Her heart started to fail because of years of smoking. She had to get a pacemaker and could hardly walk across the street without becoming winded. On those rare occasions that we saw each other outside, I was struck by the beauty and sweetness of her heart, buried beneath a wrinkled and toothless exterior.

I was amazed by how she was able to quit smoking cold turkey after 30 years of the habit. I was touched when she called me on the phone because she had seen a rainbow outside that she thought my children would love to see.

Once I visited her in her cute little home that had been in her family for 100 years. She showed me every Christmas card we had ever sent out, and I got the impression that she treasured them and considered us more than acquaintances. We were good friends. She could observe our comings and goings through her front window. She noticed when the boys were playing outside and how much they were growing. I realized that I should make the effort to visit her more often.

I really did try to reach out to her, but my visits were few and far between. Every time I looked out my front window, I would imagine her alone in her home except for her faithful dog. I would pray for her. Pray for her to not be lonely but to feel God’s presence. Pray for her to feel his love for her. As I prayed, day after day, my love for her grew. She became my mission field. I could not go out and do things with the freedom that I wanted to, having to be with my children and nurse the baby frequently, but I could pray for Sandy.

One night I felt the urgency to call her. I had almost never called her. In fact, I don’t call other people very often because I am afraid of bothering them and being a pest. Maybe that is how Sandy feels, I thought. Despite the fact that I had offered to help her time and again, she had never called me for help. Perhaps she was afraid.

It was late at night, but I knew her health was failing. What if I missed an opportunity? What if she was at home but in trouble? The urge was so strong, that I just had to call.

She answered and was just fine. But I got the chance to tell her that I had been praying for her and that God loved her so much.

A few months later, in the sticky heat of summer, I finally got over to visit her. Her home was messy and so dustly, it was hard for me to breath. I felt a bit sick as I sat there and chatted cheerfully. How must she feel, with her bad heart and a chronic respiratory infection? She had no energy to clean! Plus she was connected to a bulky oxygen tank by a long tube in her nose. I asked if there was anything I could do to help. At first she said no. Finally she told me that she had groceries in her truck that she had been unable to carry in from the morning.

I was appalled! It had been 90 degrees that day. Surely her groceries were ruined. But I kept a smile on my face and said, “Sure, the boys and I would love to carry them in.”

We got all the groceries in. Thankfully the perishable items had been put into the fridge earlier. I dumped the huge bag of dog food into the dog food dispenser and tried to help with anything else I could. All the while Sandy was muttering, “I hate to ask people for help.”

I pleaded with her to call me the next time she went shopping. I did not receive a call, but sometime later, Sandy’s best friend knocked on my door. She looked terribly agitated and asked if she could sit. I offered her a chair, but she never sat. She stood and paced and rubbed her hands on her legs as she explained the reason for her visit.

“Did you hear the sirens last night? Well, Sandy was back in her room using the large oxygen tank. I don’t know why she did this, but she lit a lighter and the oxygen caught on fire. She was burned all over her face, and her bed was burned. She was able to call 911, but she was unresponsive when they came. She is in the burn unit, and I don’t know what is going to happen.”

Her friend was so distressed, and now I was too! Sandy’s health was so bad, could she possible live through this? Had I lost my opportunity to tell her about Jesus?

I really prayed for Sandy over the next few days. Had I shown her God’s love the way he had asked me too? God gave me this verse.

Ezekiel 33:7-9 “I have appointed you as a watchman for the people of Israel; therefore listen to what I say and warn them for me. When I say to the wicked, ‘O wicked man, you will die!’ and you don’t tell him what I say, so that he does not repent –that wicked person will die in his sins, but I will hold you responsible for his death. But if you warn him to repent and he doesn’t, he will die in his sin, and you will not be responsible.”

I had always hesitated to lay out the gospel message when I thought that others couldn’t or wouldn’t receive it. But here God was telling me that the outcome was not my responsibility. I was simply responsible to do what he was asking me to do.

Amazingly, Sandy was back home within a few weeks. I resolved to obey Jesus the best that I could. I felt that he loved Sandy and just wanted me to introduce her to him. I didn’t know if she knew him, if she believed in him at all.

I visited and called a few times a week, bringing her food and handmade cards and encouragement. I wanted to make sure that I was there to help even if she couldn’t ask me for it. I had some lovely times sitting in her cozy home (which was now bright and clean thanks to her very energetic best friend). Sandy’s face was black with scabs. Her head had been shaved. Her body couldn’t get rid of all the fluids that they had pumped into her at the hospital, and she had blown up like a very uncomfortable balloon. Her heart had gone from working at 25% to only 10%. I wished that there was something I could do for her! I asked her if I could pray for her and she let me. Maybe Jesus would heal her to show her how much he loved her. I tried to have faith that we could see a miracle!

“Jesus loves you so much, Sandy!” I told her. “Do you know how much he loves you?” I asked. Here was my chance to introduce my friend Jesus to my friend Sandy. I could tell her about how I met Jesus and ask if she had ever met him in that way.

“I don’t know if he loves me. Things keep going wrong for me. I am so sick. I just want to be able to get out of the house and drive to the store or something.”

I felt the weight of her suffering. I felt the power of her pain. I had been going through a season of suffering as well, carrying many unanswered prayers and unanswered questions. I wasn’t sure how to answer her because I wasn’t sure how to appease the sorrow of my own heart. I knew that Jesus loved us, but I didn’t know how to explain how I knew.

“That’s what I am praying for. I pray you will feel better and better.” That was all that I could think of to say. Perhaps Jesus would heal her through the night and she would begin to see his goodness. I would check back with her in a few days and try again to introduce her to Jesus.

Sadly, I never got the chance. Some days later we saw an ambulance sitting in the street between our houses. There were police all around. My heart was heavy. If she was truly having an emergency, the ambulance wouldn’t be sitting there like that. The police wouldn’t talk to us about what was going on, but later that night we found out.

Sandy had simply collapsed and died. I couldn’t believe it. I had no more time to develop a friendship. No more time to pray for her. No more time to tell her my testimony and find out if she had one of her own. I did not know the condition of her soul, if she trusted in Jesus and he carried her to heaven, or if she never knew him and she was separated from him forever.

All I knew was that I had not done what Jesus had asked me to. I hadn’t introduced her to him. I was distraught. I felt like the most horrible evangelist there had ever been. My mission field had been one person and I had failed. I had failed Sandy and I had failed Jesus.

I talked to God about it. How could I go through life knowing that there was something more that I could have done to save her? How could I enjoy eternity if Sandy was not there? How I longed to see her again. How I longed to see her restored and renewed and healed. I wanted to see her in all the glory and beauty that I KNEW was in her but could never be seen in this life. I felt the value of her soul and grieved because the precious jewel that she was might be lost forever.

“Is she with you God?”

He hasn’t given me a clear answer yet. I needed to feel the weight of my mistake and repent. I needed it to push me closer to Jesus and closer to his heart.

I NEED to become a better evangelist! I NEED to practice and be uncomfortable and try and try again.

What he did remind me of was this. He knew that evangelism hasn’t been one of my gifts, normally being very shy myself. He knew that this was my first big assignment (that I was aware of). He had factored in my weaknesses and failure into his plan. He wanted me to learn from this and move on with more understanding and more confidence. He did not want me to give up in guilt and despair. He wanted me to move forward, being open to talk to anyone and everyone about him.

He reminded me of how far I had come. Many places I have lived, I never gotten to know my neighbors at all! Slowly I began to become more outgoing (with help from my husband). In this neighborhood, I have a good friendship with most everyone on my block.

Over the years I had prayed and prayed and prayed again for Sandy’s salvation, for her comfort, for her healing. The Great God, who loves Sandy infinitely more than I do, wouldn’t let those prayers go unanswered, would he?

All it would have taken from Sandy would have been one cry!

“Jesus!”

A cry in her heart or with her mouth and he would have been there, rushing in with his glorious presence, wrapping her with his love and immortality! I am sure of it.

Whether she ever cried out to him, I do not know. I do know that I miss my friend. Instead of her white car with the American flag flying from the window; there is an ugly, rusted dumpster in front of her house, gathering the discarded pieces of a life. Instead of seeing the candles in her windows, all I see is darkness. I don’t know if I will ever see her again.

What I do know is that our obedience matters. It has eternal consequences that are too heavy for me to even understand. Yet our obedience has the potential to bring more joy and glory and reward than we can even imagine! And we can only be obedient if we are listening and watching what our Father is doing.

Do you know Jesus? He is my friend and he has been the best friend I have ever known. He has never left me and he never will. He is with you right now and will be with you forever if you want him to. Can I introduce you to him?

A Grumpy Mommy Morning

November 20, 2015November 20, 2015 / Anne (Grace is my Superhero) / 2 Comments

We have all had them. Grumpy mornings when we wish we were still under the covers. Grumpy mornings when everything seems to be going wrong.

I used to have grumpy mornings on a regular basis, when I was rudely awakened way too early with the knowledge that I had a very long day of caring for little people ahead of me.

In recent years, however, I felt more confident, more capable. With the help of my older children, I was able to face each morning with a level head and even some joy. I became too confident and let my two most helpful children (Areli and Cadin) volunteer to help with Kidz Kamp at our church. They were gone early in the morning, my husband was at work, and that left me…alone…with a three month baby, a loud and demanding two year old, a special needs girl who acts like a quirky three year old, three wild and crazy boys, and a teenager asleep in his bed. This teenager who used to be an early riser and the instigator of most of my grumpy mommy mornings, now seemed to be able to sleep indefinitely.

I tried to take care of the needs of the younger children while enlisting the wild boys to help me prepare breakfast. The younger children were all uncooperative and whiney, and the wild boys were…wild! They seemed to ignore all that I said to them. Instead of helping, they were tearing around the house creating messes and conflicts.

Before I knew it, I was in the midst of a Grumpy Mommy morning unlike I had experienced in years! I ended up yelling and fuming, ranting and raving. I didn’t understand why my children didn’t understand…I was doing all of this for them. The diapering and nursing and dressing and cleaning and cooking! All of this effort was for them! Why couldn’t they help me just a little bit?

Later in the day I had the peace and quiet to think. Why did I have such a horrible morning? Was it really my children? Were they really so awful?

Or was it my attitude? If I was really doing everything I did to serve them, why was I so angry with them?

I realized that the work I was doing and getting stressed out about was not really for them. They didn’t really care if their faces were clean or that their clothes matched or that they had a super healthy breakfast. I was doing all of those things to make myself feel better. I was doing everything I thought a good mother should do, trying to get it all done so that I could feel accomplished and satisfied with my mothering. Then I could get on to the things that I really wanted to do.

I was angry because their childish behavior was interfering with MY plans. They were messing up MY schedule. I hadn’t thought about the emotions or thoughts of each child that morning. Maybe one child had woken up with a scary dream. Maybe another child was so excited about Kidz Kamp that he couldn’t calm down. Maybe the other child was so nervous about Kidz Kamp that he was trying to forget his worries. Perhaps another child was feeling overlooked and was just trying to get my attention. I hadn’t even considered what was going on in their hearts.

I stopped to contemplate what each one of them might want most in the morning upon waking. I concluded that their deepest heart’s desire, even if they couldn’t articulate it, would be to have a mommy who would greet them with joy. A mommy who would listen and not just give orders. A mommy who speaks kind words instead of yelling.

How could I possibly be that kind of mommy? How could I even begin to meet each child’s unexpressed needs each morning?

All I could come up with was the fact that I definitely could not. Only if I was abiding in Christ and had His love and thoughts towards my children could I be that kind of mommy.

How could abide in Christ when I got woken up before I could have a quiet time? How could my mind be full of His thoughts when I couldn’t crack my Bible to read a single scripture? How could I have His love for my children when I hadn’t even stopped to notice His love for me?

This has become the question that I MUST HAVE an answer to.

“LORD, just how do I seek you in the midst of this life that you have given me?”

I am not totally sure how to get time by myself on a daily basis. I am not sure how to meet with other Christians and get to church meetings more often for encouragement. But here is what I have come up with so far.

Whenever grumpy thoughts start to invade my mind, I make a huge effort to replace them with a thankful thought and find something to praise God for.

I write scriptures on notecards and post them on my bathroom mirror. Whenever I see them, I read them and memorize them. As I read them, I feel hope returning to my soul. I try to meditate on them throughout the day.

I recite memorized scriptures while I am nursing. I used to be able to read the Bible or other encouraging books while I nursed but now Annalise nurses too fast and is too active for that. As I speak the truth out loud, I feel my heart taking courage.

I listen for His voice in the midst of the noise. Sometimes I hear it in the voice of my six year old. Sometimes I hear it in my baby’s cries.

Instead of begging Him to help me through this crazy day, I THANK Him for the help He most certainly IS giving me and WILL give me.

I listen to worship music while I am preparing meals and sing along. I am caught up in His goodness as I chop vegetables. I smile when my children tell me that I should have been a singer, and I try to be loving when they interrupt me for some silly reason.

I listen to the Bible on CD while I am driving. It transforms the time I spend running errands into an encounter with truth and love. I have noticed things about Jesus and the Bible I have never noticed before. I have cried and repented and praised Him for His mercy while running to the grocery store.

When I get the chance, usually on a Saturday or Sunday morning, I write down what He has been speaking to me throughout the week. Then I read my journal over and over again while I eat breakfast the next week. I am reminded of the earth-shaking revelations that have so easily slipped my mind.

I fall asleep recounting all the good things God did for me throughout the day. I surrender all that I am, and all that I am not. I rest in the arms of Jesus until some little person needs me.

Being a good mom is not made up of things that I do or the schedule that I keep, but who I am. Only an active, growing relationship with Jesus will make me like Him and banish the Grumpy Mommy Mornings. So let us all seek Him, no matter what.

Breaking Through to Prosperity

September 29, 2015November 18, 2016 / Anne (Grace is my Superhero) / Leave a comment

“When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you.” Isaiah 43:2

I had always found great comfort in this verse during times of trial, knowing that no matter how hard my life got, God would not let the troubles overwhelm me. Most of these trials have had to do with finances. How many times can you drive around the same block of “not enough in my bank account” before you realize that you are in the wrong neighborhood and hightail it out of there? Seemed to me that we had tried a million different paths to a million different locations and always ended up in the same place – that run down, ugly part of town called “Lack”

otherwise known as “Hope Deferred”

or “Too many Big Dreams and Not Enough Money.”

I was praying again for some insight on how to conduct our lives in a way that would lead us to that abundant peace and prosperity that the Bible is always talking about. Again God gave me Isaiah 43. But this time I understood it in a very different way.

Perhaps the most dangerous and powerful rivers in this life were not hardships as I had supposed. Perhaps success, wealth, and the praises of man were far more perilous. Perhaps the fiercest flames were not that of failure and rejection but that of acceptance and comfort.

My husband, Chris, loves music and had gotten in the habit of watching the TV show “Behind the Music.” I don’t know very many popular bands, but I could predict the basic story line of almost every show. A few guys had some talent and big dreams to become rich and famous. They achieved their dream after varying degrees of time and effort. They were worshiped by fans. They had enough money to make every desire and whim become a reality. They had everything they ever wanted…and it just wasn’t enough. They would spiral out of control with excess; drinking, women, and drugs. Many of them ruined their families and careers. Some even lost their lives. The blessed few humbled themselves and got their lives back on track.

What I learned is that quick and easy success is no blessing! The adoration of fans is no blessing! Abundant wealth is no blessing…if you do not have the character to handle it…it will destroy you.

If all our dreams came true tomorrow, I wouldn’t become a drug addict. Chris wouldn’t become a womanizer. Yet we could become prideful without even realizing it. We could rejoice in our own wisdom and power. We might be tempted to lead others to our most excellent way rather than point them to THE WAY. We might become too comfortable to seek His kingdom first.

I began to read Isiah 43 in a new light. Chris and I had learned so much through our 19 years of marriage. How to better budget our money. How to work as a team. How to pray and trust God more. How to leave behind generational curses. We had made so much progress, yet we still did not see the prosperity that God had promised us.

Then I heard His still, small voice.

“What is left is for you to do is to seek me and know me more. Every moment of everyday, take the opportunity to sink your roots deeper into the soil of my love and truth. I am withholding the mighty river of overwhelming blessing simply because you are not yet ready to handle it. Until your roots are firmly anchored in me, it could sweep you away.”

I am so thankful that God is keeping me safe from myself. I am so thankful that his promises mean that someday I will be like Jesus; able to steward great power and responsibility without letting it control me. Being able to humbly accept both abundance and lack and be content. I will be able to follow the advice of Rudyard Kipling.

“If you can dream – and not make dreams your master;

If you can think – and not make thoughts your aim;

If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster

And treat those two impostors just the same.”

Triumph and Disaster and are powerful forces that could consume all that is good in our lives. Yet if we are already completely consumed by the Lover of Our Souls, those two impostors have no chance at moving us… except deeper into his embrace.

Fun Thoughts about Blogging

August 15, 2015August 15, 2015 / Anne (Grace is my Superhero) / 1 Comment

A few years ago a friend suggested to me that I start a blog. I couldn’t imagine how I would ever find the time to write a single article, not to mention the number of articles it would take to have an active blog. I was so busy with taking care of my home and family, doing homeschool and therapy, that I thought blogging might be a possibility only in my golden years.

Joyfully, I am still a fairly young woman in the trenches of motherhood, yet I have managed to write 55 articles. This is my 56^th! I don’t know how it happened, but I know it has been so much fun…and so good for me! Recording my life has helped me to see more clearly how faithful God has always been to me. It helps me put my random thoughts into some order, and beautiful patterns emerge. It aids me in remembering the specific words God has spoken to me.

While I was pregnant with Annalise, my writing slowed down considerably. Whenever I sat in front of a computer screen, I felt sick! After she was born, I didn’t write anything for a month or two. I was spending my time nursing, napping, and trying to maintain coherent thoughts. I figured that my blog had gone dormant and whatever readership I had obtained, had wandered away. When I finally sat down to post another article, I went to the section of WordPress that allowed me to see the statistics of my blog. It reviewed how many people visited my blog, what articles they read, what country they were in, and how they found me.

Some people are following me and receive an email every time I post. Others found me through a search engine. Others plugged in my web address after I wrote an article for Above Rubies Magazine which is distributed around the world.

I was amazed that almost every day that had passed, someone was looking at Grace is my Superhero. Some days it was just one or two. Other days it was more. One day, June 6^th, there were 124 views! I hadn’t even posted anything, and I was very confused. Where did all these readers come from? Then I saw that most of the readers were referred by another blogger, http://lorialexander.blogspot.com/

I visited her blog and saw that on June 6^th, she had referred to me in her article and included a link to Grace is my Superhero. Thanks, Lori! That was sweet!

People reading my blog come from the United States, Canada, Finland, Netherlands, Switzerland, Turkey, Sweden, Austria, Czech Republic, Ireland, Spain, Brazil, United Kingdom, Italy, France, Belgium, St. Lucia, Norway, Germany, Philippines, South Africa, Kenya, Nigeria, Papua New Guinea , New Zealand, Australia, India, Malaysia, Pakistan, Israel, United Arab Emirates, Shri Lanka, South Korea, Hong Kong, Indonesia, Argentina, Mexico, and Honduras. That is the beauty of the World Wide Web!

I don’t have a huge following. Another blogger who started just a few months before I did has well over 1,000 followers. She also had an article go viral and get posted all over the internet. Her thoughts are so positive, and I am glad for her!

I always remind myself that I am just writing these articles for myself (to remember what God had done for me) and for my children (so they will have a lasting written history of their heritage in God). If anyone else finds their way to this blog, that is just icing on the cake. If you are here, thank you so much for taking the time to read this. My prayer is that you always hear the whisper of God while you read my words, for I pray that his words become a part of me and become my words day by day.

Sunrise

March 24, 2015 / Anne (Grace is my Superhero) / Leave a comment

“Yes, the day will come, says the Lord, when I will do for Israel and Judah all the good I promised them.” Jer33:14(Living Bible)

I was reading this during my morning quiet time. I got up from the kitchen table to walk my husband to his car as he was leaving for work. I lingered outside to watch the beautiful sunrise. I was struck by the faithfulness of God in causing the sun to rise each morning. No matter how badly I had lived yesterday, no matter how much sin had occurred in the earth the day before, today the sun was rising on humanity again. Along with the sun came God’s promise of his new mercies. What a good God we have!

I sat down and continued to read in my Bible.

” If you can break my covenant with the day and with the night so that day and night don’t come on their usual schedule, only then will my covenant with David, my servant be broken…” V.20,21

Then I heard God say, “Anne, if you are able to keep the sun from rising this morning, then you will be able to mess up badly enough to break my promises to you.”

Sometimes I believe the lie that I will disqualify myself from receiving God’s promises. But God reminds me that it was He who made the covenant in the first place. He cannot lie, and He knows all things. He already took my weaknesses and mistakes into account when He made those promises. So I can rest in the knowledge that it is God’s job to bring His words to come to pass, and it is my job to simply believe.

Lord, help me to rest in your faithfulness.

They are Lifting Their Brave Little Heads

March 20, 2015 / Anne (Grace is my Superhero) / 2 Comments

It is still winter in Central Pennsylvania despite the fact that it becomes spring today. Spring seems to be talking much too long to catch up with the calendar. Breakthroughs in our business and personal lives seem to be taking much too long to break through. This baby seems to be taking much too long to grow. It is true that I am not even to my due date yet, being 35 weeks. Yet my body keeps complaining that surely it must time, that it cannot continue under this heavy load any longer.

A week ago I started having signs of preterm labor. This has never happened in any of my previous eight pregnancies. It was weird and unexpected and unsettling. I would have loved to give birth and be done with pregnancy. I would have loved to hold my little girl in my arms! Yet, it just wasn’t time yet. She wasn’t ready yet, and who knows what problems could have popped up. I would have to forfeit my cozy homebirth for a hospital birth where every little bit of the process is monitored. My tired and sore body feels like it cannot go on…yet it can and it must. Just a few more weeks!
Thankfully the contractions went away and peace has settled again. What’s a few more weeks? It is a privilege and an honor to provide a safe place for my baby to grow until the fullness of time. I would continue past my due date if I had to (though I sincerely wish I do NOT have to!)

My daughter took some lovely pictures that caused me to take heart again and see the beauty of the here and now.

This brave little robin and these courageous young crocuses have lifted their heads despite the adversity to become harbingers of a new season.

They proclaim that nothing can hold back the sunshine and warmer temperatures! No woman is pregnant forever! Every promise has it’s time of fulfillment! And it will be the perfect time and well worth the wait.

In Honor of Spring, New Life, and a Baby Girl

March 3, 2015March 4, 2015 / Anne (Grace is my Superhero) / Leave a comment

I know we are still having winter weather, but I just can’t stop day dreaming about flowers, warm breezes, Easter, and a baby girl to be born in April!

So I think it is about time that I brightened up my blog a bit and post a story about new beginnings.

“The Lord will surely comfort Zion and will look with compassion on all her ruins, he will make her deserts like Eden, her wastelands like the garden of the Lord,” Isaiah 51:3

It was the early spring of 2008, and I was surveying my new yard. Our family of eight had moved into this beautiful, older home in the fall. However, the yard hadn’t been touched in years and was overgrown. My husband, Chris, had just finished a week of “vacation” spent clearing bushes and brush from our corner lot. I was amazed at how much he had accomplished. Still, I lamented over the barren patches of earth the roots had left behind. I despised the remaining scrubby bushes that Chris didn’t have time to dig out.

“How I wish he could have finished the job! How I long to see grass growing and flowers blooming! One of my favorite signs of spring is the delicious smell of lilacs in air. Lord, how can I get a hold of a lilac bush and get rid of these awful ones?”

Days passed, leaves came forth in the warm sunlight, and I surveyed my yard again. I couldn’t believe my eyes! Two of the ugly eyesores had been transformed into lilac bushes! The tiny lavender buds held the promise of that glorious scent.

“Thank you God that Chris wasn’t overzealous in his yard work after all!” I prayed with overwhelming gratitude. God answered in his gentle way.

“You wish that I would remove all the ugly parts of your life. You even blame yourself that they still remain. But you don’t judge as I judge. Under your barren ground there are seeds that will grow! I have allowed the “thorns” in your life to remain because I know that when the spring season comes, they will bloom and blossom. Then you will realize that the blessings you had prayed for have been with you all the while in disguise…as a trial.”

God, help me to see my life as you do, full of you promise and potential.

I Love February!

February 26, 2015 / Anne (Grace is my Superhero) / 1 Comment

I have always loved February. I know that many people would not agree with that sentiment, especially in frigid Pennsylvania, especially this year. This could possibly be the coldest February on record with subzero temperatures, ice, and snow. Yet, I still can say, “Isn’t February lovely?”

My birthday is in February, on the very best day, the 22^nd. That is also George Washington’s birthday. As a child, February was full of joyful anticipation of celebration centered around me! My little head was filled with visions of ice cream cakes, presents, games, and friends…maybe even a pizza party.

There is also Valentine’s Day to brighten things up. Forget about the silly relationship drama that depresses the immature around this holiday. Think about the beautiful Victorian images of pretty ladies surrounded by flowers and chubby cherubs holding hearts. Smell the roses that show up everywhere in February and defy the chill outside.

It is still the middle of winter. My children don’t even want to play outside because it is too cold. Yet I can feel spring! I can feel it in my heart. All of my 39 Februaries on this earth have given way to spring in March or April. I have deep confidence that spring will come again because it always has. Nothing can hold it back!

In fact, it is already here. I feel it in the morning sunshine that arrives earlier each day. I hear it in the songs of the birds twittering away as though they had green trees to play in. Around my birthday each year, the crocus would begin to bloom. This year I thought that surely they must be delayed. The ground is still like the frozen tundra. How could they possibly break through with their tender leaves?

I checked the spot in the soil where they had laid dormant for so long. And guess what I saw!

I saw spring!

Nobody Knows in Advance Which Day Will Be the Day of Their Death

February 4, 2015 / Anne (Grace is my Superhero) / 5 Comments

For my Grammy, that day was February 4, 2011. Sometimes you get an inkling that this life is drawing to a close. With Grammy, I was completely shocked. I was thinking that she could live another ten years, being from a family of long livers. She was even improving and starting to eat and walk again. I had no idea that February 4^th was her day. I simply thought it was my last day with her for a time, since I was flying back to Pennsylvania on February 5^th. I am so thankful for that last day with her.

Grammy was cozy in her new room at Harbor House, a memory care facility. She was confused about a lot of things, but she kept on insisting that she was going to move back to her apartment at Primrose. She had spent the Christmas holiday in rehab after a stroke. She was unable to get any of her mail. So she and I spent a long time on her favorite love seat, reading every single Christmas card she had received. I was amazed by how many people still sent her cards and how detailed their letters were. She remembered every single person and told me nice things about each one.

Then I read to her the scripture God had given me when I was praying for her before this trip, Isaiah 43:1-4. I saw Jesus carrying her through this strange new trial like a lamb on his shoulders and he was saying, “Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you. You are precious and honored in my sight and I LOVE YOU!”

Grammy paused from her talking for a moment. I wondered what was going through her mind, and I hoped that she felt God’s love. Then she started right back into discussing moving back to Primrose.

Soon she became very tired, and we tucked her into bed for an afternoon nap. She looked comfortable and peaceful. I kissed her on the cheek and said goodbye.

Chris and I spent the evening with relatives. What a wonderful evening we had! We returned our rental car since a shuttle would be taking us to the airport in the morning. Our relatives drove us back to our rented room at Primrose. Chris and I were so worn out from our busy week. We wanted to just flop into bed and sleep as much as we could before our early morning flight. However, we still had to pack our bags. As we were getting everything ready to return home, we received a phone call. A young nurse from Harbor House informed us with a shaky voice that Grammy had passed away! She had slept away the afternoon. One of the nurses had tried to rouse her for dinner, but Grammy said she was too tired and just wanted to keep on sleeping. When they checked on her again, she had no pulse.

My heart started to beat fast. Was this supposed to be happening? Grammy dead, this soon? I had left too early in the day! I should have stayed at her side all evening. I had missed the moment when she left this earth. I immediately felt sad and guilty. Chris quickly pushed those thoughts aside.

“There was no way that you could have known. You did just what you were supposed to do this week.”

I began to feel a peace fill me. All I could do was what I had done. Grammy lived a long life and died peacefully in her sleep. She didn’t have to suffer. May we all have a death so sweet!

We called our relatives and asked them if they could drive us back to Harbor House. We wanted to say our final goodbyes. I had never experienced death so closely before. When I entered Grammy’s room, she looked just the same as I had left her, peaceful and snuggled under her blankets. I expected her to open her eyes and see me standing there, yet she was still. I felt that I was standing on holy ground. Jesus himself had just been there to gather Grammy into his loving arms and carry her home. His presence still lingered, and it was so sweet.

I really couldn’t know Grammy’s personal relationship with Jesus, what transpired in the depths of her heart and spirit before she died. But the presence of Jesus in the room gave me the peace that I would see her again in heaven. None of us can make it to heaven on our own. It is the same as trying to get to the moon by jumping our very highest. It doesn’t matter how hard we try or how well we train, we just can’t reach the moon. Jesus lived and died in order to carry us there. He is alive right now, constantly loving us and praying for us that we will trust him to do it. So let’s do less jumping and more trusting. There is nothing to fear and EVERYTHING to look forward to. For those who trust in Him, death is a reward and it is holy.

Mommy Brain

January 25, 2015 / Anne (Grace is my Superhero) / Leave a comment

Some people say there is a curious thing that happens to a woman’s brain when she becomes a mother. Something to do with changing hormones that causes her brain to function differently. She becomes a bit forgetful and confused, prone to illogical outbursts of emotions. I don’t know if I believe that, but I sure have experienced “Mommy Brain.” For me it is a simple case of constant overstimulation. At any given moment of any day, there are several children tearing through the house in different directions, bent on accomplishing some sort of important mission (all of which seem rather suspect to me, requiring my intervention). Many different conversations are being carried on simultaneously, and there is usually louder -than- I- would- like teen music playing and the abrasive sounds of disagreements occurring somewhere in the house. All the while I am trying to stay on task to accomplish my to-do list for the day. My job is very important and if it doesn’t get done, my children remain hungry, dirty, and uneducated. Yet, I am always aware of my greatest responsibility to love and love and love some more.

All of this occurring at one time can jumble my thoughts quite a bit. One morning I entered the kitchen to a cacophony of noise, many idle teens and preteens debating some” important” topic, and no breakfast being made. Earlier I had asked Cadin to bring the oats up from the basement so Areli could make oatmeal. This had not yet happened. This distressed me quite a bit as I was going through the homeschool schedule in my mind while worrying about my children being too hungry to do any school that day.

Obviously irritated, I said to Cadin, “I told you to go down there and get the ice cream!”

All conversation stopped. All eyes turned towards me. Cadin’s mouth opened but he said nothing. Shock and amazement crossed his face and I could read his thoughts.

“Has mom lost it? She wants us to eat ice cream for breakfast? She hardly even lets us eat dessert on the weekend. What is she talking about?”

When I realized that I had inadvertently said “ice cream” instead of “oats.” I began to laugh and laugh and laugh. Mommy brain!

Just a few weeks ago it was another crazy morning. It was late and Courage was still in his pajamas. I finally changed his diaper and took off his fuzzy sleeper. Yet I didn’t want him running around the house without any pants in the middle of winter. So I asked Cadin to put some pants on him.

I sat down on the couch to read to Ashlyn. After what had seemed to be a very long time, Cadin returned holding a little pair of pants in his hands. He held them out to me.

I said to him,”Cadin what have you been doing? And where is Courage? Why haven’t you put his pants on him yet?!”

Cadin gave me that shell shocked look again and said nothing. Then I realized what the problem was. I was holding Courage on my lap and he had been perched there the entire time!

I couldn’t contain my laughter at such a ridiculous scene! The laughter broke the tension and cleared the air…and confirmed to all of my children that I had truly lost my mind! But we were all having fun and that is what matters, right?

I am thankful for these humorous brain lapses. They remind me that often times mommies are very silly and irritable for no good reason. Bless all the sweet little angels who have to put up with those mommies day in and day out! And thank God for the laughter that brings back the joy!