What is the Glory of Motherhood?

June 26, 2016June 26, 2016 / Anne (Grace is my Superhero) / 1 Comment

“Will you awaken mothers to the glory of their calling?”

I keep hearing the Holy Spirit asking me that question. And I have to answer with a question of my own.

“What is the glory of my calling?”

Honestly, I am having trouble seeing it in the midst of one big mess after another. Courage’s birthday was a perfect example of this.

It had been a pretty peaceful day. I had time to get the house cleaned and ready for the party celebrating our fiery three-year old. All of his presents were wrapped. The supper was prepared in advance. I had gathered the ingredients for Courage’s heart’s desire; a chocolate dirt cake with gummy bears. I had also made two additional desserts with special ingredients to accommodate the more delicate members of our family.

I was sitting on the sofa, waiting for dinner time. “This is an important part of motherhood right here,” I thought. Celebrating my children and creating happy birthday memories for them. I was hoping that Courage would feel loved and special and that the entire family would have fun.

I started setting the table and getting the food ready when my perfectly planned birthday celebration began to unravel.

“Chai just threw up on the carpet!!!” I heard an excited child yell. At first I tried to ignore it and continued the dinner preparations. Maybe they were exaggerating as children are prone to do, or maybe someone else would take care of it. No such luck.

I went from working with food in the kitchen to scraping stinky puke off the living room carpet. Chai had suddenly gotten sick and ended up sleeping in his bed for the entire birthday party. The smell and the germs were not what I had planned. Thank goodness my mom was the only guest, and we didn’t have a house full of people!

As I began scrubbing the carpet with cleanser, I heard the sound of some sort of ball hitting the side of the house. This didn’t go on for long before I heard Chris yell out the window, “Cole, stop kicking the soccer ball against the house!”

Did Cole heed his father’s wise advice? No, the banging continued once more, twice more, and then…the sickening sound of shattering glass! Cole had just broken our living room window. Thankfully, it was the storm window so none of the glass came into the house. But there was glass all over the back patio.

“Oh well, I can’t worry about that right now,” I thought to myself. “I have to throw in some laundry, get the boys to take out this trash, scrub my hands about fifty times in hot water, and then finish putting the food on the table.”

Back into the kitchen I went. Then Areli came to me holding the cup used to measure the laundry detergent.

“Courage just handed this to me… filled with his pee!” she told me.

“Of course he did,” I thought. I was bracing myself for the next catastrophe that was sure to come.

Amazingly, the rest of the evening went just fine. We all sang “Happy Birthday” very loudly. Cake was eaten. Presents were opened and played with.

We made a big mess and cleaned up a big mess. We put all the children to bed and prayed that no one else would throw up during the night. We got into bed late to get up early and do it all over again. Doesn’t seem very glorious, does it?

“Will you awaken mothers to the glory of their calling?”

Rick Joyner heard a great Queen ask him this very question in a vision that he wrote about in The Torch and the Sword. He said that she was astonishingly beautiful and seemed to be motherhood in all of its glory. She explained that she was Jerusalem above, the mother of all who worship in Spirit and truth, the church as it was called to be.

She asked Rick, “Will you awaken mothers to the glory of their calling? Will you give my daughters swords and torches? They are the ones who keep the torches alive, and they will wield the sword wisely. My daughters will stop the death and bring back the life!”

Perhaps to see a bit of the glory of my calling, I should find out what these swords and torches are all about. Here are a few excerpts from the book and I hope it is encouraging to you!

The Lord handed Rick a torch and told him, “This is the light of My presence. If I was not close to you, you could not hold it. If you drift from My presence, it will become heavy. If you drift very far from Me, you will have to lay it down…It is yours to carry for as long as you stay close to Me…No power on earth can put it out if the torchbearer walks with Me in this realm. Its brightness and power depend on the life of the torch-bearer, and on how close he stays to Me.”

Then Rick met Tomas a Kempis who told him, “You can set people, cities, and even nations free with the light of this torch…The torch you carry has been the source of every true movement of the Spirit. The leaders of these movements were all torchbearers…If you are going to endure to the end, you must stay close to the Source of this light and fire.”

The Lord spoke about Thomas, “Men thought of Thomas as a humble laborer, one to cook, wash dishes, and weed gardens [sounds a lot like a mom’s job!], but he, too, carried this torch. From his post of washing dishes, he became more powerful than kings or emperors. He prophesied to millions over generations. Even today My message goes forth from his writings to help prepare the coming ones. You can be more powerful washing dishes and staying close to Me than you would be leading armies or nations but drifting from Me.”

I need to read that again!

“YOU CAN BE MORE POWERFUL WASHING DISHES AND STAYING CLOSE TO ME than you would be leading armies or nations but drifting from Me.”

To be torchbearers, to carry this fire that brings life rather than destroys, we must abide in Jesus.

Rick met Enoch who had so much of this life flowing through him that he never died. Enoch said, “The Lord makes His messengers flames of fire. You cannot walk with God, or fulfill His purpose for you on the earth, unless you keep this fire burning in your heart. Lukewarmness is your deadly enemy.”

Lukewarmness can easily creep into the mind numbing daily grind of a mother. It is the overwhelming hardships and challenges of motherhood that push us into his presence! How I want to be one of the chosen torchbearers!

Jesus told Rick, “You will know these chosen ones by the fire that already burns in them. They will never be content with religious practices, for they yearn for Me and the reality of this realm. Because they seek Me, I will be found by them. I will give them their heart’s desire – My fellowship. I will be their inheritance.”

Later in the vision, Rick found himself preparing for a battle. The only other warriors with him were a young girl and John Wesley. Wesley told him, “The Lord called a dozen men. He changed them and then they changed the world. In your time He is going to do the same with the children. It is also the time of the lioness. Great are the company of women who will preach the gospel. There will be many great men of God in your time – but the great marvel and great honor will be for the women and children who walk in the ways of the Lord.”

Later the Lord gave Rick a sword and said, “It will only become heavy if you wield it in your own strength. This is my Word of redemption. It cannot be destroyed, but will stand forever…No power on the earth is stronger than my redemption…This is the sword of the Spirit…You are holding my living Word…to receive my word into your heart must be your quest every day. Then you will begin to see. Then you will have understanding.

“It was by my Word that the universe was created, and it is by My Word that it is held together. My Word is the answer to every human problem…The sword that is being given to my messengers in the last days can break any yoke, and cut through any chain.”

“Will you awaken mothers to the glory of their calling? Will you give my daughters swords ad torches? They are the ones who keep the torches alive, and they will wield the sword wisely. My daughters will stop the death and bring back the life!”

“I am a woman. I am a mother. I am the keeper and sustainer of life here on earth. Heaven stands in honor of my mission. No one else can carry my call. I am the daughter of Eve. Eve has been redeemed. I am the opposition of death. I am a woman.” – Christianna Reed Maas

The reality is, we can carry the living fire of His presence and the powerful Word of redemption into every part of our day – the fun celebrations and the puking parties, the playtime and the hard work. That is glorious even if it doesn’t feel like it at the time. We don’t need any special skills or qualifications. All that is required is that we seek Him first, abide in Him, and receive His words into our hearts every day.

How Does God Feel About Mothers?

May 7, 2016May 7, 2016 / Anne (Grace is my Superhero) / Leave a comment

I never considered it a sacrifice to be a mother. I have always thought it was a privilege and the most amazing calling. It is powerful and world-changing to be a mother, to grow and nourish the next generation.

Yet, now that I have been a mother for 17 years, I am getting a bit weary. I have realized that I really don’t have my own life. My days are filled with the needs of my husband and children. I find myself daydreaming about what it would be like to be alone in the house with nothing to do except exactly what I WANTED to do.

Most of the time, I enjoy being at home with my children. It is my favorite place to be. I just assumed that it was my children’s favorite place to be as well. One night Chris was working late and I was sitting at the dinner table with all of my nine children. A peaceful meal is so refreshing to the soul; enjoying the smells and flavors, exchanging stimulating conversation.

A meal is never a peaceful affair at my house. That night the children were all so loud, I couldn’t follow any one conversation. Several of the boys were discussing topics not appropriate for the table. The three-year old kept getting up and wandering around, and the 6-year-old kept standing up on the bench. In an attempt to regain control, I lifted my voice and shouted above the noise, “Everyone be quiet! We are going around the table and I want each one of you to tell me your favorite part of the day. The rest of you just listen!”

The chaos quieted to a dull roar, and the children shared with me what they most enjoyed about their day. The elementary school boys all enjoyed playing kickball at recess. Cadin, who is fifteen, just started Cyber School after being homeschooled. He had to go take the PSSAs for the first time. He had never had to sit for 7 hours in a classroom before, and I thought he would hate it. Yet, when it was his turn to share, Cadin said, “My favorite part of the day was taking the PSSAs.”

“Really?! Why is that?” I asked.

“Because I didn’t have to be at home,” he answered.

“You don’t like being at home?” I asked, feeling very hurt.

“Well,” Cadin started with an apologetic voice, “I got to get a break and I didn’t have to do any chores.”

“I understand how he feels,” said Areli, my 17-year-old daughter. “My favorite part of the day is when I do school, alone in my room.”

Now the small ache in my heart was growing. “Well, I never actually get to be alone,” I said. “Except maybe when I am in the bathroom.”

“You do get a nap every day,” Areli countered.

“That is true, and I so appreciate that nap! But I am still not alone. I have to share the room with the baby and wake up when she wakes up. I am really never alone.” I said.

Cole, the 15-year-old cynic, chimed in, “That’s your own fault for having so many children. You and Dad went a little crazy,” he pointed out.

I felt the wind go out of my sails. My own children didn’t even appreciate my willingness to carry them, give birth to them; give up sleep and privacy and alone time for them. They couldn’t see the purpose in this crazy, loud, mess that is the Brandenburg household. Sometimes I lose sight of it too.

When I look down the corridors of history, I don’t see the stories full of mothers heroically laying their lives down for their children. I see men who fight battles, conquer, and enslave. I see men who fight battles, conquer, and set free. I see stories of kings and rulers.

When I turn on the TV, I don’t see news stories about the amazing mom who changed 24 diapers in the last 24 hours with only 3 hours of sleep the night before. I see lawmakers and lawbreakers, politicians and rebels.

When I watch an awards show, I never see a mom who looks like me get up on stage and accept a prestigious award for her amazing ability to check items off a to do list and keep 9 children clothed and feed. That is for the talented artists who receive the praise of millions of adoring fans.

What I thought was my little fan club was now telling me that they would rather be out of the house or alone instead of spending time with me.

I turned to a book that always helps me gain an eternal perspective, The Final Quest by Rick Joyner. He shares a prophetic experience he had when he was in the throne room of heaven. He started in the very back of the room. On his long walk to the front where the Lord was, he passed crowds of believers who had already died. The multitudes standing at the back were more glorious than Rick had imagined people could ever be. He was shocked to find out that these were in the very lowest rank in heaven.

One man he had known on earth explained it to him this way, “There is an aristocracy of sorts here. The rewards for our earthly lives are the eternal positions that we will have forever. This great multitude are those whom the Lord called ‘foolish virgins.’ We knew the Lord and trusted in His cross for salvation, but we lived for ourselves more than we really lived for him…there is no greater folly than to know the great salvation of God, but then go on living for yourself.”

This man was still more glorious and full of joy and peace than Rick had ever imagined possible. It was simply because even a moment in the lowest part of heaven is much greater than a thousand years in the highest life on earth, and every person there had received so much more than they actually deserved. As Rick moved toward the throne, he learned from the mistakes of those in the lowest ranks, and discovered that those same mistakes resided in his own life.

A great Christian leader during his life on earth told him, “What looks good on earth looks very different here. What will make you a king on earth will often be a stumbling block to keep you from being a king here. What will make you a king here is lowly and unclaimed on earth.”

Later, a famous reformer stepped forward and Rick couldn’t believe that he was in the lowest rank. The reformer told him, “God does have a different set of history books than those on the earth. You have had a glimpse of this but you do not yet know how different they are. Earthly histories will pass away, but the books that are kept here will last forever. If you can rejoice in what heaven is recording about your life, you are blessed indeed.”

Then the reformer gave Rick some advice, “The high calling is not out of reach for anyone that the Lord has called. I will tell you what will keep you on the path of life – love the Savior and seek His glory alone. Everything you do to exalt yourself will one day bring you the most terrible humiliation. Everything you do out of genuine love for the Savior, to glorify His name, will extend the limits of His eternal kingdom and ultimately result in a much higher place for yourself. Live for what is recorded here. Care nothing for what is recorded on earth.”

As Rick continued walking towards the glory of Jesus, he saw that each rank was many times greater than the previous one. He described it like this, “When I was still not even halfway to the throne, what had been the indescribable glory of the first rank now seemed to be outer darkness in comparison to the glory of those I was now passing. The greatest beauty on earth would not qualify to be found anywhere in heaven. And I was told that this room was just the threshold of indescribable realms of glory!”

Rick learned from those who had fallen short of their destinies and also learned from those who had overcome and remained faithful to Jesus. “Those who stumbled did so in many different ways. But those who prevailed all did it the same way: They did not deviate from their devotion to the first and greatest commandment – loving the Lord. In this way, their service was done unto Him, not to men. These were the ones who worshipped the Lamb and followed him wherever He went.”

Finally after what seemed like years of traveling, Rick reached the throne. “Near the judgement seat of Christ, those in the highest ranks were sitting on thrones that were all a part of His throne. Even the least of these thrones was many times more glorious than any earthly throne. Some of those on the thrones were rulers over cities on earth and would soon take their places. Others were rulers over the affairs of heaven, and still others ruled over the affairs of the physical creation, such as star systems and galaxies.

“It was apparent that those who were given authority over cities were esteemed even above those who had been given authority over galaxies. The value OF A SINGLE CHILD (emphasis added) surpassed that of a galaxy of stars because the Lord has chosen men as His eternal dwelling place…

“At one point the Lord looked toward the galleries of thrones around Him. Many were occupied, but many were empty. He then said, ‘These thrones are for the overcomers who have served Me faithfully in every generation. My Father and I prepared them before the foundation of the world. Are you worthy to sit on one of these?’

“…I looked at those who were now seated on the thrones. I could recognize most of those seated had not even been well-known on earth.

“Many of those on the thrones had been missionaries who expended their lives in obscurity. They had never cared to be remembered on earth, but wanted only to be remembered by Him. I was a bit surprised to see some who had been wealthy, and rulers who had been faithful with what they had been given. However, it seemed that faithful, praying women and mothers occupied more thrones than any other single group.”

I have read this passage many times and every time my eyes flood with tears and my heart swells like it will burst! My Lord has so honored mothers that many sit with him on the highest thrones in heaven! My Lord so honors mothers that he allowed Rick Joyner to write down the revelation so that we could read it and be encouraged.

Mothers, let’s receive His grace to walk this path like eternity depends on it. Jesus gave Rick this wisdom, “Those empty seats could have been filled in any generation. I gave the invitation to sit here to everyone who has called upon My name. The seats are still available. Now the last battle has come, and many who are last shall be first. These seats will be filled before the battle is over. Those who sit here will be known by two things: They will wear the mantle of humility, and they will have my likeness.”

I am right where God wants me to be. I am in the perfect place to love Him and to serve Him. I don’t need to be famous or acclaimed or recognized or talented. I just need to be who He has made me to be.

I don’t need the world to understand the importance of what I am doing. I don’t even need my children to understand and appreciate me. I know that Jesus understands and he sees.

I don’t feel at all able to walk this path perfectly. I am full of selfishness and I get off track so easily. I realize that I can’t even do the basics, loving my husband and children, on my own. I need His great grace! But I am in the perfect place to receive His Grace…every…single…day!

I Have Never Felt So Old

April 12, 2016April 12, 2016 / Anne (Grace is my Superhero) / 3 Comments

I just turned 40, and I have never felt so old. I didn’t expect my 40^th birthday to be such a big deal, but it has gotten me rather discouraged.

You see, as a young person, I had a much different vision of the person I would be at age 40. I imagined that I would be firmly established in some great work, resulting in many accomplishments and victories. I thought I would be much more confident and able to teach others all the wisdom I possessed.

The opposite has happened. I have simply become more aware of how infinitesimally small my knowledge really is. I have become more aware of my tired bones and creaky joints. I think the trends and fashions of my teenagers are weird. I have never felt so old.

This is a new feeling for me. I have always looked rather young for my age, not quite as grown up or sophisticated as I should. When I had my first child at age 23, I looked like a teenage mother by people who didn’t know me.

Now I have white streaking through my dark brown hair, and I feel and look older than I ever had before. I know that 40 is still very young, not even middle-aged! I am still full of life and vitality…just sometimes I forget.

I took Courage, my three-year old to the park last week. He was complaining about being cold, so I explained to him that if he started running around, he would warm up. Then I demonstrated by running up the stairs of the jungle gym and dashing up and down the various bridges and towers. Courage thought this was great and joined in. He told me that I should follow him down the slide, so I complied. It was fun until I whacked my hip on the side. It wasn’t made to be used by a full-grown adult. I decided to stand back and watch Courage play.

Suddenly he rushed over to the swings with such enthusiasm, I had to follow. I sat down in the swing next to him. Why did I ever like these things as a child? They are too small and squeeze my hips painfully.

I gave it a try anyway. I started pumping my legs and began to lift into the air. My head began to spin and I got a bit woozy. I thought of my Grammy who would never ride the carousel with me because it would make her dizzy. I never understood why she would give up such joy! Now I understand!

Still, I could feel the cool, crisp wind in my face! It felt like I was flying! I was free, like a bird in the sky! This is how it feels to be a child again, hair blown back, face towards the sun. It was glorious!

It was then that God spoke to me.

“You look at your child with such delight and wonder as he explores and discovers his world. You recognize his potential and celebrate the man he will someday become. You are certain that he will accomplish great things during his life. He is so new and fresh, full of promise.

I see you that same way. I still see you as the young child with wide-eyed wonder, your face towards that sky as you “fly” on the swing. You are full of promise and potential. You are not old at all compared to me, the Ancient of Days. You are not behind schedule and it is not too late.”

I love to hear God’s voice! He energizes me and gives me hope! I was trying to wrap my brain around my new-found childhood throughout the next week and into the weekend when I attended the yearly Women’s Conference at my church, Life Center.

Many amazing women took the stage and shared about the outrageous love, mercy, forgiveness, faithfulness, and goodness of God. At the very end of the conference, a group of young women stood up to share prophetic words that God had given them about the conference attendees. Each of us attending had been given a special name tag that was hanging on a colored ribbon. There were nine colors and each color had its own prophetic word.

My color was pink and Tiffany began to talk about how pink makes us reminiscent of our childhoods.

“What I felt for you women is that God wants you to be able to just see something, see what you are going through, see your life, see everything around you through this different perspective of a childlike faith…childlike expectations…There is just this excitement and enthusiasm that is going to come on you and you’re going to be able to see things from a different angle and from that childlike perspective, and even when hard things come up that you would be able to just not lose your step. I just saw you skipping around.”

God’s voice at the playground had changed my perspective of myself. God viewed me as still full of promise and potential. God delighted in watching me as though I was a carefree and eager child. Perhaps I should think of myself that way too.

A woman I had never met came up to me during the conference. She had a head of completely white hair that was styled in a cute, hip way. She had a very young face (I later found out that she was only 46). She must have notice those white streaks in my hair because she said to me, “I just wanted to let you know that your hair is going to be totally white like mine. Mine started out very dark like yours, but I began to get some white hairs when I started having children.”

“I think your hair is very pretty.” I replied, wondering why she felt the need to inform me of the impending signs of aging knocking at my door.

“How old are you?” She asked.

“40”

“OH MY GOODNESS! I THOUGH YOU WERE IN YOUR TWENTIES!!!!” She looked taken aback by my actual age.

I raised my hands in spontaneous enthusiasm and shouted like a silly child, “THANK YOU JESUS! YES!!!! I look like I am in my twenties! THANK YOU JESUS!”

That women just made my day. I think I am seeing myself more that way God sees me, and I am so tickled about it!

I Found the Words of God on a Coffee Sleeve

December 18, 2015December 18, 2015 / Anne (Grace is my Superhero) / 2 Comments

I had just written the rough draft of my last article about the passing of my neighbor, Sandy. I had a heavy heart, feeling that I had failed God and failed Sandy. Writing the article had evoked deep emotions in me, and I was still trying to sort them all out. It was a dark Wednesday night, and I was attending a meeting for those helping with the annual Women’s Breakfast at my church.

The women’s ministry at Life Center is always planning lovely events. The goal is that every woman who attends would experience a special touch from God and hear his voice personally. Each time there is a creative way to give a personalized, encouraging word to every woman. There have been ribbons, medals, bracelets, necklaces, compasses, mugs, purses, and book marks given out. The item contains some sort of message (such as a scripture verse, a single word, or phrase) and has been prayed over. Every one of the gifts that I have received over the years has been special to me. The scripture that I received at the Women’s Conference last March sustained my faith through the events of the past year.

At the meeting, each of us got to pick a coffee sleeve with something special written on it. I randomly picked a sleeve that had “Matthew 10:42” nicely hand written in black pen. I looked up the scripture on my phone and it read:

“And if anyone gives even a cup of cold water to one of these little ones who is my disciple, truly I tell you, that person will certainly not lose their reward.”

I thought, “Oh that is nice. I certainly give out lots of cups of water to my children.”

But then a new thought broke into my own, with a brilliance that I have come to recognize as the Holy Spirit.

It was a thought of Sandy and the times I brought her soup. God was telling me that I would have a reward for the small acts of kindness I had done for her! I felt so humbled and in awe of a God that would reward me even though I had fallen short of my goal of introducing Sandy to Jesus.

What a good and generous God I have!!!!

The next day I got into my van to drive to the grocery store. I turned on the New Testament CD that was already in the CD player. And guess where the CD started that day?

Matthew 10:42

That Saturday was the day of the Women’s Breakfast. I arrived early to welcome women to the table I was hosting. I was praying that everyone would feel loved and blessed. I encouraged each woman to pick a coffee sleeve when they went to get their coffee or hot cocoa. I had the opportunity to pick a second one for myself. When I read the words, again I wanted to cry! My heart was so full of the goodness of God.

“Writing a New Chapter”

I love to write and have been working on this blog for a year and a half now. I would love to write a book someday…lots of books in fact! But I tell myself that it doesn’t matter if anyone else notices or even likes my writing. I am doing it for myself and my children, so we never forget the marvelous things God has done for us. Sometimes I feel rather silly, spending so much time writing down the little details of my life. Yet I feel the words are like fire in my bones that won’t let me go until I write them down.

Here God was telling me that the writing was from him! And that I would be writing about a new chapter. Our lives could sure use a new beginning!

This “word from God” was confirmed a few weeks later in a most unusual way. Each year I choose a foreign country to study at Christmas time. When all of my children were homeschooled, we would take a break from the normal school and learn about this country. Then we would incorporate the Christmas traditions and food of this country into our own holiday celebration. We have studied Sweden, Germany, Russia, Spain, and Italy. Each year, one of the resources we used was the World Book series on Christmas around the World. The books always contained interesting facts but were very dry reading.

This year, even though I am only homeschooling my special needs daughter, I chose Ireland. I just love to learn about other countries so much, I couldn’t give up the tradition. As I read the first few pages of the World Book called Christmas on the Emerald Isle, I was struck by the emotion and passion in the writing.

“On Christmas night, there is another custom – the telling of stories. The oldest member of the family gathers everyone around the hearth or table and recounts the story of Mary and Joseph. The tales, of course, don’t stop at Bethlehem. There are yarns about the family, about the famine, about the great heroes and villains of Irish history…While the Swedes have 25 versions of the Cinderella story, the Irish have 311 and are still counting. Christmas night is not, or course, the only appropriate time for storytelling. Any occasion will do, and the Irish have a story for any and every occasion, for every event of life…By extracting the meaning from every event of life and turning that understanding into a parable, the Irish preserved their culture and taught their children a sense of history, justice, and identity.”

My heart burned within me as I read these words. That is what I wanted to do! I felt that God was saying that my passion to write was there for a reason…because he had put it there.

It went on to say, “If life was short and bitter, the memory of that life was not. Filled with victory and joy, the memory became a living thread that passed through the consciousness of generations of Irish men and women. As long as the stories survived, the lives and events that inspired them survived and had meaning.”

I must have a bit of the Irish in me… and in the midst of trouble and sorrow, the goodness of God keeps overwhelming me…and giving me stories that I just have to tell!

She was Bald, Toothless, Covered with Scabs…and She was Indescribably Beautiful.

December 8, 2015December 8, 2015 / Anne (Grace is my Superhero) / 5 Comments

I had developed quite an affection for my neighbor across the street, Sandy. I had met her eight years ago when we moved into our house. She was small and looked older than her years. We invited her to neighborhood get-togethers, but she never came. In her own words, she was “backwards, shy, and didn’t go out of her house much.”

Pretty soon her habit of being a hermit became a necessity. Her heart started to fail because of years of smoking. She had to get a pacemaker and could hardly walk across the street without becoming winded. On those rare occasions that we saw each other outside, I was struck by the beauty and sweetness of her heart, buried beneath a wrinkled and toothless exterior.

I was amazed by how she was able to quit smoking cold turkey after 30 years of the habit. I was touched when she called me on the phone because she had seen a rainbow outside that she thought my children would love to see.

Once I visited her in her cute little home that had been in her family for 100 years. She showed me every Christmas card we had ever sent out, and I got the impression that she treasured them and considered us more than acquaintances. We were good friends. She could observe our comings and goings through her front window. She noticed when the boys were playing outside and how much they were growing. I realized that I should make the effort to visit her more often.

I really did try to reach out to her, but my visits were few and far between. Every time I looked out my front window, I would imagine her alone in her home except for her faithful dog. I would pray for her. Pray for her to not be lonely but to feel God’s presence. Pray for her to feel his love for her. As I prayed, day after day, my love for her grew. She became my mission field. I could not go out and do things with the freedom that I wanted to, having to be with my children and nurse the baby frequently, but I could pray for Sandy.

One night I felt the urgency to call her. I had almost never called her. In fact, I don’t call other people very often because I am afraid of bothering them and being a pest. Maybe that is how Sandy feels, I thought. Despite the fact that I had offered to help her time and again, she had never called me for help. Perhaps she was afraid.

It was late at night, but I knew her health was failing. What if I missed an opportunity? What if she was at home but in trouble? The urge was so strong, that I just had to call.

She answered and was just fine. But I got the chance to tell her that I had been praying for her and that God loved her so much.

A few months later, in the sticky heat of summer, I finally got over to visit her. Her home was messy and so dustly, it was hard for me to breath. I felt a bit sick as I sat there and chatted cheerfully. How must she feel, with her bad heart and a chronic respiratory infection? She had no energy to clean! Plus she was connected to a bulky oxygen tank by a long tube in her nose. I asked if there was anything I could do to help. At first she said no. Finally she told me that she had groceries in her truck that she had been unable to carry in from the morning.

I was appalled! It had been 90 degrees that day. Surely her groceries were ruined. But I kept a smile on my face and said, “Sure, the boys and I would love to carry them in.”

We got all the groceries in. Thankfully the perishable items had been put into the fridge earlier. I dumped the huge bag of dog food into the dog food dispenser and tried to help with anything else I could. All the while Sandy was muttering, “I hate to ask people for help.”

I pleaded with her to call me the next time she went shopping. I did not receive a call, but sometime later, Sandy’s best friend knocked on my door. She looked terribly agitated and asked if she could sit. I offered her a chair, but she never sat. She stood and paced and rubbed her hands on her legs as she explained the reason for her visit.

“Did you hear the sirens last night? Well, Sandy was back in her room using the large oxygen tank. I don’t know why she did this, but she lit a lighter and the oxygen caught on fire. She was burned all over her face, and her bed was burned. She was able to call 911, but she was unresponsive when they came. She is in the burn unit, and I don’t know what is going to happen.”

Her friend was so distressed, and now I was too! Sandy’s health was so bad, could she possible live through this? Had I lost my opportunity to tell her about Jesus?

I really prayed for Sandy over the next few days. Had I shown her God’s love the way he had asked me too? God gave me this verse.

Ezekiel 33:7-9 “I have appointed you as a watchman for the people of Israel; therefore listen to what I say and warn them for me. When I say to the wicked, ‘O wicked man, you will die!’ and you don’t tell him what I say, so that he does not repent –that wicked person will die in his sins, but I will hold you responsible for his death. But if you warn him to repent and he doesn’t, he will die in his sin, and you will not be responsible.”

I had always hesitated to lay out the gospel message when I thought that others couldn’t or wouldn’t receive it. But here God was telling me that the outcome was not my responsibility. I was simply responsible to do what he was asking me to do.

Amazingly, Sandy was back home within a few weeks. I resolved to obey Jesus the best that I could. I felt that he loved Sandy and just wanted me to introduce her to him. I didn’t know if she knew him, if she believed in him at all.

I visited and called a few times a week, bringing her food and handmade cards and encouragement. I wanted to make sure that I was there to help even if she couldn’t ask me for it. I had some lovely times sitting in her cozy home (which was now bright and clean thanks to her very energetic best friend). Sandy’s face was black with scabs. Her head had been shaved. Her body couldn’t get rid of all the fluids that they had pumped into her at the hospital, and she had blown up like a very uncomfortable balloon. Her heart had gone from working at 25% to only 10%. I wished that there was something I could do for her! I asked her if I could pray for her and she let me. Maybe Jesus would heal her to show her how much he loved her. I tried to have faith that we could see a miracle!

“Jesus loves you so much, Sandy!” I told her. “Do you know how much he loves you?” I asked. Here was my chance to introduce my friend Jesus to my friend Sandy. I could tell her about how I met Jesus and ask if she had ever met him in that way.

“I don’t know if he loves me. Things keep going wrong for me. I am so sick. I just want to be able to get out of the house and drive to the store or something.”

I felt the weight of her suffering. I felt the power of her pain. I had been going through a season of suffering as well, carrying many unanswered prayers and unanswered questions. I wasn’t sure how to answer her because I wasn’t sure how to appease the sorrow of my own heart. I knew that Jesus loved us, but I didn’t know how to explain how I knew.

“That’s what I am praying for. I pray you will feel better and better.” That was all that I could think of to say. Perhaps Jesus would heal her through the night and she would begin to see his goodness. I would check back with her in a few days and try again to introduce her to Jesus.

Sadly, I never got the chance. Some days later we saw an ambulance sitting in the street between our houses. There were police all around. My heart was heavy. If she was truly having an emergency, the ambulance wouldn’t be sitting there like that. The police wouldn’t talk to us about what was going on, but later that night we found out.

Sandy had simply collapsed and died. I couldn’t believe it. I had no more time to develop a friendship. No more time to pray for her. No more time to tell her my testimony and find out if she had one of her own. I did not know the condition of her soul, if she trusted in Jesus and he carried her to heaven, or if she never knew him and she was separated from him forever.

All I knew was that I had not done what Jesus had asked me to. I hadn’t introduced her to him. I was distraught. I felt like the most horrible evangelist there had ever been. My mission field had been one person and I had failed. I had failed Sandy and I had failed Jesus.

I talked to God about it. How could I go through life knowing that there was something more that I could have done to save her? How could I enjoy eternity if Sandy was not there? How I longed to see her again. How I longed to see her restored and renewed and healed. I wanted to see her in all the glory and beauty that I KNEW was in her but could never be seen in this life. I felt the value of her soul and grieved because the precious jewel that she was might be lost forever.

“Is she with you God?”

He hasn’t given me a clear answer yet. I needed to feel the weight of my mistake and repent. I needed it to push me closer to Jesus and closer to his heart.

I NEED to become a better evangelist! I NEED to practice and be uncomfortable and try and try again.

What he did remind me of was this. He knew that evangelism hasn’t been one of my gifts, normally being very shy myself. He knew that this was my first big assignment (that I was aware of). He had factored in my weaknesses and failure into his plan. He wanted me to learn from this and move on with more understanding and more confidence. He did not want me to give up in guilt and despair. He wanted me to move forward, being open to talk to anyone and everyone about him.

He reminded me of how far I had come. Many places I have lived, I never gotten to know my neighbors at all! Slowly I began to become more outgoing (with help from my husband). In this neighborhood, I have a good friendship with most everyone on my block.

Over the years I had prayed and prayed and prayed again for Sandy’s salvation, for her comfort, for her healing. The Great God, who loves Sandy infinitely more than I do, wouldn’t let those prayers go unanswered, would he?

All it would have taken from Sandy would have been one cry!

“Jesus!”

A cry in her heart or with her mouth and he would have been there, rushing in with his glorious presence, wrapping her with his love and immortality! I am sure of it.

Whether she ever cried out to him, I do not know. I do know that I miss my friend. Instead of her white car with the American flag flying from the window; there is an ugly, rusted dumpster in front of her house, gathering the discarded pieces of a life. Instead of seeing the candles in her windows, all I see is darkness. I don’t know if I will ever see her again.

What I do know is that our obedience matters. It has eternal consequences that are too heavy for me to even understand. Yet our obedience has the potential to bring more joy and glory and reward than we can even imagine! And we can only be obedient if we are listening and watching what our Father is doing.

Do you know Jesus? He is my friend and he has been the best friend I have ever known. He has never left me and he never will. He is with you right now and will be with you forever if you want him to. Can I introduce you to him?

How Does God Define Success?

November 2, 2015 / Anne (Grace is my Superhero) / 2 Comments

One day I was driving home from church and passed a big, shiny, brand new pick-up truck. It was a beauty…and it was grey. Oh, did I mention that it was really shiny with lots of chrome and cool lights. Did I tell you that it was impressive like the trucks on the commercials that are driving haphazardly through large mud puddles and hauling tons of important, manly looking items? That is about all of the technical details I can recall about this truck. If my husband had seen it, he could tell you the make, the model, the year and several important facts about it. Then he would say with a frustrated but wistful longing, “I would love to have a truck like that!”

I would love for my husband to be able to have a truck like that! He has owned at least 4 different pick-up trucks, all of them used. All of them needed a lot of repairs and were more trouble than what they were worth, in my opinion. But Chris does do a lot of hauling and hard work, and loves pick-up trucks. As I passed this particular grey truck, I wondered to myself, “What would it feel like to be able to own a truck like that? What would it feel like to be successful enough to turn Chris’ dream into a reality?”

God used that grey truck to shine a light on the inner workings of my heart. I realized that my definition of success was this: having enough money to buy an expensive new truck. Then I thought about my vision for our future, a future where Chris and I had been successful. I saw our family living in our dream house we had found on the internet. The one that has seven bedrooms, six bathrooms and ten acres. We were able to pay all our bills on time. We were able to buy a new camper. We were able to take time off from work to use that great new camper on vacations with all the children. We had enough space and time and money to open our home to missionaries needing some R &R, and maybe we even developed a ministry to special needs children on our lovely property.

In my vision, our future was so beautiful and we were so prosperous…and comfortable. My idea of success is the American dream: to work hard to earn a good life and then be able to enjoy that good life. Dictionary.reference.com defines the American dream as: a life of personal happiness and material comfort as traditionally sought by individuals in the U.S.

Exactly! That is what I wanted! Isn’t that what we all want?

But is that what God wants for us? Is that His best for us? What is God’s definition of success?

Jesus said that we should seek his kingdom first. Isn’t his kingdom all about…well, HIM?? Isn’t it all about knowing Jesus and having relationship with him and becoming like him? Anything that distracts us from knowing him is no success at all.

I realized that my definition of success was infinitely too small. A shiny grey truck could make me happy when the most beautiful, powerful, captivating treasure was waiting in the wings…waiting to be sought out, to be discovered, to be experienced, and to be loved. And that treasure was waiting to show me his love, to blow apart my mindsets and wreck my American dream if necessary to bring me to himself.

“You will not measure true spiritual fruit rightly while you are in the earth. You can only measure your true success by how much more clearly you are able to behold the LORD, by how much better you know His Voice, and by how much more you love the brethren.

“You must not try to judge by the fruit that you see on earth, but do what you must because it is right.

“Even so, more that bearing fruit, your call must be to know the LORD. If you seek Him you will always find Him. He is always near to those who draw near. ..There is no higher purpose. Your victory will be measured by your seeking. You will always be as close to Him as you want to be. Your victory in life will be according to your desire for him” – The Call

A new idea of success was forming in my mind. To know Jesus more each day. To look into his eyes every moment and see his great love for me. To live in that love. To be able to see the face of God clearly enough to make out when he is smiling. To desire to make him smile with my every thought and word and deed. What joy and peace that would bring to any circumstance of life that I might find myself in.

That, my friends, is true success!

Breaking Through to Prosperity

September 29, 2015November 18, 2016 / Anne (Grace is my Superhero) / Leave a comment

“When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you.” Isaiah 43:2

I had always found great comfort in this verse during times of trial, knowing that no matter how hard my life got, God would not let the troubles overwhelm me. Most of these trials have had to do with finances. How many times can you drive around the same block of “not enough in my bank account” before you realize that you are in the wrong neighborhood and hightail it out of there? Seemed to me that we had tried a million different paths to a million different locations and always ended up in the same place – that run down, ugly part of town called “Lack”

otherwise known as “Hope Deferred”

or “Too many Big Dreams and Not Enough Money.”

I was praying again for some insight on how to conduct our lives in a way that would lead us to that abundant peace and prosperity that the Bible is always talking about. Again God gave me Isaiah 43. But this time I understood it in a very different way.

Perhaps the most dangerous and powerful rivers in this life were not hardships as I had supposed. Perhaps success, wealth, and the praises of man were far more perilous. Perhaps the fiercest flames were not that of failure and rejection but that of acceptance and comfort.

My husband, Chris, loves music and had gotten in the habit of watching the TV show “Behind the Music.” I don’t know very many popular bands, but I could predict the basic story line of almost every show. A few guys had some talent and big dreams to become rich and famous. They achieved their dream after varying degrees of time and effort. They were worshiped by fans. They had enough money to make every desire and whim become a reality. They had everything they ever wanted…and it just wasn’t enough. They would spiral out of control with excess; drinking, women, and drugs. Many of them ruined their families and careers. Some even lost their lives. The blessed few humbled themselves and got their lives back on track.

What I learned is that quick and easy success is no blessing! The adoration of fans is no blessing! Abundant wealth is no blessing…if you do not have the character to handle it…it will destroy you.

If all our dreams came true tomorrow, I wouldn’t become a drug addict. Chris wouldn’t become a womanizer. Yet we could become prideful without even realizing it. We could rejoice in our own wisdom and power. We might be tempted to lead others to our most excellent way rather than point them to THE WAY. We might become too comfortable to seek His kingdom first.

I began to read Isiah 43 in a new light. Chris and I had learned so much through our 19 years of marriage. How to better budget our money. How to work as a team. How to pray and trust God more. How to leave behind generational curses. We had made so much progress, yet we still did not see the prosperity that God had promised us.

Then I heard His still, small voice.

“What is left is for you to do is to seek me and know me more. Every moment of everyday, take the opportunity to sink your roots deeper into the soil of my love and truth. I am withholding the mighty river of overwhelming blessing simply because you are not yet ready to handle it. Until your roots are firmly anchored in me, it could sweep you away.”

I am so thankful that God is keeping me safe from myself. I am so thankful that his promises mean that someday I will be like Jesus; able to steward great power and responsibility without letting it control me. Being able to humbly accept both abundance and lack and be content. I will be able to follow the advice of Rudyard Kipling.

“If you can dream – and not make dreams your master;

If you can think – and not make thoughts your aim;

If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster

And treat those two impostors just the same.”

Triumph and Disaster and are powerful forces that could consume all that is good in our lives. Yet if we are already completely consumed by the Lover of Our Souls, those two impostors have no chance at moving us… except deeper into his embrace.

God’s Goodness is Hunting Me Down

September 5, 2015September 5, 2015 / Anne (Grace is my Superhero) / Leave a comment

Most if the time, most of us just want to be happy and comfortable. That is what we look for and strive for and pray for. That is how we define “being blessed.” Comfortable and happy.

Life is very rarely a comfortable and happy affair. When the journey leads us to trial after trial, we begin to wonder what is wrong. Are we on the wrong track? Why isn’t God answering our prayers? Does God really love us as much as he says that he does? Will we ever see our dreams come true?

I love the book, Hind’s Feet on High Places by Hannah Hurnard. I have read it many times and each time, I relate to it more and more. I find great comfort in realizing that Hannah Hurnard experienced her Christian walk much the same way that I have. Much the same as every Christian, I suspect.

When Much-Afraid started her trek to the High Places, she knew that the journey would be difficult. She had to climb the mountains with her twisted, lame feet. She knew that to ever achieve the Shepard’s goal for her; it would take a bit of the supernatural. But she never guessed what was in store for her.

The Shepard chose two companions to help her since she was lame and very fearful. They never left her side and assisted her every step of the way. They were Sorrow and Suffering. Instead of climbing into the mountains, the path led the three travelers to the Desert, then the Shores of Loneliness, the Precipice of Injury, the Forest of Danger and Tribulation, the Mist, the Valley of Loss, the Floods, and the Grave. By the time Much-Afraid had reached the Grave, she was no longer the same girl who had started at the foot of the mountains. She had suffered much, but she had also spent much time with the good Shepard. She laid herself and her dreams on the alter. She could see that she would never reach the high places, but she was happy to obey her beloved Shepard.

She did not anticipate the glorious resurrection that would occur, healing her lame feet and changing her from Much-Afraid to Grace and Glory! Though it was the Shepard who was her prize, the High Places became hers as well, and it was more glorious than she ever imagined!

I hope I make it to the High Places someday. I hope that all the dreams that I have carried in my heart come to pass, yet I have laid them down to say that God is enough.

I could lose everything and suffer great tragedy, yet there is only one thing that I can never afford to lose…my faith. My faith is my life and my hope. Without my faith in a good Father, I would be dead while I still lived…and then be a dead shell for all eternity. My faith, which is worth more than gold (1 Peter 1:7), is what God in his infinite wisdom is after.

The trials that purify my faith make it feel as though his goodness and mercy are far away. Yet his Goodness and Mercy are always following me! God’s goodness and mercy will follow me all of the days of my life. (Psalm 23:6) Follow means to aggressively pursue, run after, chase. God’s goodness is hunting me down. At times I wish his goodness would leave me alone and let me be comfortable and happy for a little while. It is chasing me like a massive hunting dog; pouncing on me, knocking me down, and licking me all over with messy, wet doggy kisses. I may struggle and mourn and wail. But it is God’s irresistible Goodness that won’t let me go. It will not let me stay the way I am now because God loves me too much.

“Love is beautiful, but it is also terrible – terrible in its determination to allow nothing blemishing or unworthy to remain in the beloved.” –Hinds Feet on High Places

Being comfortable and happy would be great…for a short while. But the purification of my faith is worth so much more. To become like Jesus and to enjoy a closer walk with him is worth any trial it takes to get me there. To know his great love for me is my prize and great reward, and it brings a deep and abiding joy.

“Multiplied” is a great worship song for those of us who are being hunted down by his love!

Fun Thoughts about Blogging

August 15, 2015August 15, 2015 / Anne (Grace is my Superhero) / 1 Comment

A few years ago a friend suggested to me that I start a blog. I couldn’t imagine how I would ever find the time to write a single article, not to mention the number of articles it would take to have an active blog. I was so busy with taking care of my home and family, doing homeschool and therapy, that I thought blogging might be a possibility only in my golden years.

Joyfully, I am still a fairly young woman in the trenches of motherhood, yet I have managed to write 55 articles. This is my 56^th! I don’t know how it happened, but I know it has been so much fun…and so good for me! Recording my life has helped me to see more clearly how faithful God has always been to me. It helps me put my random thoughts into some order, and beautiful patterns emerge. It aids me in remembering the specific words God has spoken to me.

While I was pregnant with Annalise, my writing slowed down considerably. Whenever I sat in front of a computer screen, I felt sick! After she was born, I didn’t write anything for a month or two. I was spending my time nursing, napping, and trying to maintain coherent thoughts. I figured that my blog had gone dormant and whatever readership I had obtained, had wandered away. When I finally sat down to post another article, I went to the section of WordPress that allowed me to see the statistics of my blog. It reviewed how many people visited my blog, what articles they read, what country they were in, and how they found me.

Some people are following me and receive an email every time I post. Others found me through a search engine. Others plugged in my web address after I wrote an article for Above Rubies Magazine which is distributed around the world.

I was amazed that almost every day that had passed, someone was looking at Grace is my Superhero. Some days it was just one or two. Other days it was more. One day, June 6^th, there were 124 views! I hadn’t even posted anything, and I was very confused. Where did all these readers come from? Then I saw that most of the readers were referred by another blogger, http://lorialexander.blogspot.com/

I visited her blog and saw that on June 6^th, she had referred to me in her article and included a link to Grace is my Superhero. Thanks, Lori! That was sweet!

People reading my blog come from the United States, Canada, Finland, Netherlands, Switzerland, Turkey, Sweden, Austria, Czech Republic, Ireland, Spain, Brazil, United Kingdom, Italy, France, Belgium, St. Lucia, Norway, Germany, Philippines, South Africa, Kenya, Nigeria, Papua New Guinea , New Zealand, Australia, India, Malaysia, Pakistan, Israel, United Arab Emirates, Shri Lanka, South Korea, Hong Kong, Indonesia, Argentina, Mexico, and Honduras. That is the beauty of the World Wide Web!

I don’t have a huge following. Another blogger who started just a few months before I did has well over 1,000 followers. She also had an article go viral and get posted all over the internet. Her thoughts are so positive, and I am glad for her!

I always remind myself that I am just writing these articles for myself (to remember what God had done for me) and for my children (so they will have a lasting written history of their heritage in God). If anyone else finds their way to this blog, that is just icing on the cake. If you are here, thank you so much for taking the time to read this. My prayer is that you always hear the whisper of God while you read my words, for I pray that his words become a part of me and become my words day by day.

Sunrise

March 24, 2015 / Anne (Grace is my Superhero) / Leave a comment

“Yes, the day will come, says the Lord, when I will do for Israel and Judah all the good I promised them.” Jer33:14(Living Bible)

I was reading this during my morning quiet time. I got up from the kitchen table to walk my husband to his car as he was leaving for work. I lingered outside to watch the beautiful sunrise. I was struck by the faithfulness of God in causing the sun to rise each morning. No matter how badly I had lived yesterday, no matter how much sin had occurred in the earth the day before, today the sun was rising on humanity again. Along with the sun came God’s promise of his new mercies. What a good God we have!

I sat down and continued to read in my Bible.

” If you can break my covenant with the day and with the night so that day and night don’t come on their usual schedule, only then will my covenant with David, my servant be broken…” V.20,21

Then I heard God say, “Anne, if you are able to keep the sun from rising this morning, then you will be able to mess up badly enough to break my promises to you.”

Sometimes I believe the lie that I will disqualify myself from receiving God’s promises. But God reminds me that it was He who made the covenant in the first place. He cannot lie, and He knows all things. He already took my weaknesses and mistakes into account when He made those promises. So I can rest in the knowledge that it is God’s job to bring His words to come to pass, and it is my job to simply believe.

Lord, help me to rest in your faithfulness.